The Big Issue
Visiting my best friend, he asked what the biggest issue in my life was. Not being used to taking on the role of the client was refreshing, and my answer surprised him – fear, I told him. Fear of my body, the pains, would I get over ailments, would I die. The other was fear of finances and preparing for retirement. Also, fears in my relationship – would unresolved issues remain or even get worse? I realized I was familiar with fear but pushed them all down.
What about you? What is your biggest issue? It was refreshing to voice it because it gave me clarity. The biggest issue then became apparent – I feared death.
Both of us studied spiritual psychology together and have spiritual beliefs. In fact, I have had countless paranormal experiences, as well as my friend Joe has. We agreed my issue was with the human part of me called The Ego. That is the part of my personality that tries to keep me safe, gets overwhelmed, and in my case, brings on panic attacks periodically when life gets too stressful.
It’s interesting being fearful. It caused me to sprint into therapy, study it in school, push through to getting a doctorate, and eventually test myself working in a crisis center for 11 years. This was what surprised him but didn’t at the same time. He knew I tested my fear by moving from So Cal up to the Seattle area, opening up a residential and then an outpatient clinic without knowing a single soul, all to prove to myself that my fears weren’t going to take hold of me. But still they remained.
Do we ultimately heal? Can I be done with fear once and for all? Obviously no – it seems to be the lifelong challenge. I know that I have made huge strides. I can fly on airplanes without a blip of fear, be in crowds, ride elevators, be around psychotic people that are aggressive, but fear in this case remains, but not at the level of my zoning out and regressing to the emotional age of an infant.
He told me he had huge issues with fear and decided to do the ultimate challenge and sky dive. It exhilarated him! He went on to have over 500 drops, joining diving teams and performing at football stadiums! Today he does things that test his fear by riding motorcycles on tracks at over 200 miles an hour. He scuba dives. In fact, as a dentist, he takes on difficult cases to test his talents daily. He tries to push the limits while I try to stand tall and even embrace my limits.
I tend to see life as a struggle between the dark and the light. The light is easier – joy, happiness, creative expression, comedy. Though even when the light is present – like Yin / Yang – at times darkness rears its ugly head. Will she leave? Will I lose my practice? Will I get into an accident? Do I have enough money? Do I have friends that love me? Again, the frail Ego reminds me it is still there.
Happiness is a choice – or should I say staying in the light is. I learned in school that people are powerful beyond measure. That I am powerful beyond measure if my fears are released and my mind focuses on what I truly want – without doubts. I have created a lot in my life. Loving friends and family, a thriving practice. Now, when it comes to my friend Joe – shoot, he is in a category all his own with an incredible dental practice, travels all over the world with his wife and children, and pushes the limits with A.I. technology. If I were stranded on a desert Island with one person – I’d choose Joe.
Enough of this, let’s focus on you. What is your biggest issue? To overcome it, it is important to map out a plan. I do so by breaking things down into four parts: Physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. The physical elements I use in facing fear include daily exercise, diet, supplements, regular doctor visits, and simple self-care.
Mentally, my thinking is assessed daily. Do my negative thoughts outweigh my positive ones? Chronic negativity used to dominate my life. I used to judge not only myself but everyone else. I thought they were judging me, or could see right through me. Actually, I was judging myself, and they weren’t thinking about me at all – since we all tend to focus on ourselves anyway. Cleaning up my thinking through affirmations and intention setting helped, but purging out chronic negativity through free-form writing, self-counseling, and therapy set me in the right direction.
As I continued to release the chains that bound me through my negativity, incredible opportunities came my way. Business, love relationships, travel, public speaking. With that negative wall removed, life became more of a positive expression of the beautiful person I was becoming internally.
As I dove into my emotional self, this was when the real me emerged. I felt connected to the younger part of me that was abused. If people rejected me, I didn’t reject myself like I used to. I didn’t define myself in what people thought. They weren’t perfect; they weren’t God. Because they were flawed – which seemed obvious- it meant they were projecting their upset onto me, and I didn’t take it personally. In fact, I felt compassion for them – which shocked me. I was relating to how I had been just like them and hoped they got the care that I did. This was quite a shift because in the past I’d argue with them, try to change the way they felt, and obviously was fighting a losing battle. Now if someone was to put me down, I reply, “Thank you for caring enough to share that with me.” My fighting was over. I now knew who I am and I don’t need to defend it.
We worked with our spiritual self in school – and of course I still work on this. We called it co-creation because, spiritually speaking, we have the image of God within us. Tapping into that image – or blueprint – amazing things take place. When counseling, I am in prayer and pay attention to the information that flows into me – from beyond. Reading this may seem strange until you practice meditation and hear information flooding in to you. You may refer to this as your inner voice. We all have the capacity to do this, and when you follow that voice, magic takes place. What blocks this from me is fear and at times I struggle with reestablishing this link to the greatest gift of life – God’s presence.
With no beliefs, this may seem far-fetched. It was for me until I attended graduate school and especially by reading The Seat of the Soul by Gary Zukav. It gave me a perspective that showed me we are not alone and have spiritual guides that help us. Where is that brilliant thought coming from? When you are open to that taking place – more tends to appear.
I’m just about to go to Joe’s office, put on a gown, wear the dark protective glasses, and have a sore tooth looked at. Now the test is on. Do I face it with fear? Do I relax and know that I am in good hands by a person I want to be on a deserted island with? When I frame it this way, I chuckle. No, he is not the man of my dreams! Normally I would choose Scarlett Johansson or, back in the day, Rachel Welch to be stuck there with me. Being practical, Joe is the best option when it comes to not only surviving but thriving.
Survival. That is interesting. I guess that is how life has been for me. You? This is a crazy world right now and it seems everything is in flux. It can really test your ability to remain centered, calm, and to me – away from fear. Maybe this is some sort of test? Maybe our fears or issues are there to better ourselves? If we don’t face them, we grow accustomed to them, and they remain. If we dare to rub noses with our fear and talk with them, learn from them, overcome them, we learn, grow, and thrive.
Compassionate Care is Always Available
There are many more tools and strategies you can use in your pursuit of happiness. Here is where we come in. Contact us at Basic Steps Mental Health and let us support and educate you on this journey back to your loving heart center. Imagine living a heart-centered life, regardless of what is happening externally. We’d love to be of help.
For 25 years, Dr. Scott Alpert, the clinical director of Basic Steps Mental Health, has treated over 7,000 people with mental health and addiction problems, using a Psychological approach that mixes and matches ten of the top approaches used in the industry. We are here virtually and in-person to help you get through this COVID-19 pandemic and many other difficulties you may be experiencing.
May you have good mental health.
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