Treatment the Way You Always Wanted
At the end of each week, our clients talk about what they learned. This gives us good feedback and the opportunity to make changes. It’s also important to see things through the eyes of the customer.
If you’ve been in the industry long enough, you realize that therapy isn’t a cookie-cutter approach. Clients are unique and bring into treatment the sum of their experiences. What works for me might not work for them, so the number one task is to give each person the freedom to talk and be heard.
Yesterday, a client was in tears as he told the group that, from an early age, they have not been listened to, and it seems that the same dynamic continues to this day. This person had been going through a particularly difficult period, and as a result, family has turned their backs on them; friends give them two-word answers that are clichés normally heard in AA – “One step at a time,” “Easy does it,” and the Serenity Prayer. They weren’t getting the support they needed – one person to another. That was till they entered our program.
As we gave this person the freedom to speak what was on their mind, all the judgments thrown at them by family and friends, all the put-downs they had stored up for years, were piling up on already compacted garbage from early childhood. Even to this day, family used their treatment as permission to dump even more venom they stored up. In the past, this had led them to use substances to numb out their pain. They didn’t want to do this anymore, but it was hard. What helped was our group. We were different – we cared.
In the 19 years of treatment this person had gone through, people listening and caring about them didn’t happen before – this here was a new experience. With us, they were learning different tools and approaches, very different from the way substance treatment had focused on 12 Steps and avoiding deeper and darker emotions. They were moved to personally experience people, and an organization had their interests in mind. Then positive changes took place. People in the legal system and their Probation Officer reported they were seeing positive changes. They themselves were seeing positive changes and weren’t so angry and anxious. Why weren’t they shown these tools before? Why did their past counselors avoid them? It felt like the past counselors had their agenda to follow and wanted to check off the box as they watched the clock. Here, they felt like they had worth – were at home.
Sometimes I have to be careful when I talk about other industry professionals. If you avoid working on yourself, this is not an easy profession for you. If you haven’t addressed your own darker and deeper issues, how can you address other people’s? Often, their clients are then avoided, will trigger them, or they will simply numb out. Even though this is called the listening profession, many therapists would rather switch the subject because the raw emotions that are touched upon can be too painful to hear.
It might be unfair to call out other therapists, because the above described me when I first entered this profession. Why did I overeat? Why did I dread going to work? Why did I want to argue with clients? And when this is brought to my attention by clients going through our program, I have to check my emotions – knowing that it is the natural process of therapists adjusting to their own internal baggage that is being released.
There was a period in my career where I used to shut down and zone out in sessions at the Mental Health Urgent Care Center. It seemed as if each day all of my unresolved issues were being triggered by clients on a daily basis. What I had avoided in therapy came rushing to the surface, and thank God for that placement because it gave me the opportunity to do some incredible internal house cleaning. This is why all our interns are encouraged to go through their own therapy.
I think we have a good program that we provide. We listen, educate, and even the staff goes through the IOP program with the clients to give them the perspective that we are all the same. No one is above or below another. We all have unresolved issues, and why not demonstrate to others that the ultimate goal is for every single person to heal. Therefore, treatment is conducted as they taught us in graduate school. Psychological approaches were taught; we branched out and practiced them on each other, and in the end, we were able to conduct self-counseling- where you are both client and therapist on paper! When you learn the tools of the trade, you can be a pretty amazing counselor to yourself if you use the proper tools.
It’s true. I have a dark past. I was abused. I was a drug addict. I lived on the street. If it weren’t for going to counseling and going through an amazing university, I may still be on the street. What helped me the most – was not all the tools taught to me, but the love people showed me. That is what we highlight.
What is effective therapy? I have my own theory. Mostly, it is showing people the love they don’t know how to give to themselves. To do this, I have to show love to myself. I cannot give away what I don’t have. What is therapy? Each counselor needs to ask themselves this question. How do people heal? I know for a fact that I can’t heal anybody else because I am not inside of them 24/7. I learned from practicing Spiritual Psychology that love heals. Our slogan: “When love is applied to hurt, we heal.” Love is the cure. Can I love each client? Of course I can. Do I? 99% of the time. At the crisis center, people who were psychotic and angry, believing I was in the government plot against them, were the most difficult for me to find compassion for. After 11 years there and seeing over 7,000 people, it was time to leave. It was a growing experience I will always treasure. Each person that I worked with helped me better understand them and myself, and I took all that with me up here. When I was addicted, I was angry at the world. I blamed family and friends for my homelessness and all the problems I had created for myself. In a moment of clarity, I was honest with myself and wanted to give myself a real chance in life. I hated what I had become and wanted better.
When people show up for treatment, it shows me that they made that decision too. My clients show up scared, angry, and addicted – which is something I can relate to. They are also brave because who wants to look at all the shit in our lives? When I first entered treatment, I sat next to the exit and was ready to run. But I stayed in the room and looked at the filth that I held onto out of habit. It was all I knew, and changing it for the better only brought fear that I might be creating something far worse.
What got me through this period was my commitment to healing. I didn’t want to continually live this nightmare and desperately held on to my new sobriety and the tools in counseling I was using. Though, looking back, I realize that beyond what I was doing, there was a cast of characters that showed me love and support. I didn’t feel like a loser and a freak anymore. I started to look forward to the therapy sessions – to the love and respect I was getting from fellow participants, my counselor, the group leaders, the facilitators at personal growth seminars, and mostly from my loving friends. Eventually, my family.
I sat next to my bicycle one morning on the street of Hollywood. I wanted to hurt myself because that was going to hurt my family. But did it? They couldn’t care less as they vacationed in Hawaii without me. I instead was only harming myself as I looked to score more drugs.
I truly believe that people heal. It is important to give them the proper support. Alone, we can only go so far. With caring people by your side, you go the extra mile; you tolerate more.
Therefore, our staff honors people who show up for therapy. That is the hardest part – showing up for treatment. Then the real work begins, and with love – the possibilities are endless. I ask you – when was the last time somebody listened to you and showed you they cared?
We had a husband-and-wife team educating us at the University of Santa Monica. The wife, Mary Hulnick, generally showed people she cared. Often her kindness sent me to tears. I had never felt that magnitude of care before, and it was quite an adjustment. Like the sun coming out between the clouds – there was light. There was goodness in the world. I could then face the world proudly because I wasn’t some piece of shit – at least in her eyes. That, to me, is healing – not checking off some box and following some protocol.
I encourage you to read “Loyalty to Your Soul,” written by Dr. Mary and Ron Hulnick. It breaks down the Spiritual Psychology approach in easy-to-follow terms, and you can see for yourself that when we overcome our issues – we grow at the level of our soul.
I made a prayer that day while sitting on the curb in Hollywood; God answered that prayer. Has it been easy? Some days yes, some days not so much, but I have learned the tools to get back onto my feet, stay on my feet, and turn in the proper direction over and over again. I find support, I give support, and I am here to help others climb out of the pit like me. You never change unless you put in the effort.
Compassionate Care is Always Available
There are many more tools and strategies you can use in your pursuit of happiness. Here is where we come in. Contact us at Basic Steps Mental Health and let us support and educate you on this journey back to your loving heart center. Imagine living a heart-centered life, regardless of what is happening externally. We’d love to be of help.
For 25 years, Dr. Scott Alpert, the clinical director of Basic Steps Mental Health, has treated over 7,000 people with mental health and addiction problems, using a Psychological approach that mixes and matches ten of the top approaches used in the industry. We are here virtually and in-person to help you get through this COVID-19 pandemic and many other difficulties you may be experiencing.
May you have good mental health.
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