If you weren’t aware of it by now, you are the only person who is going to heal you. You might think that your parents, your partner, a friend, the government, your Higher Power, or even your therapist is going to heal you – but that isn’t true. The only person that has ultimate control is you and that is the person who has the ability to do so.

We put so much faith in doctors, and doctors can treat and advise you, but will you follow their orders? Many doctors, unfortunately work against you. They tell you poor information, lack in providing hope, or even show they care. Face it, people are just people, so the first step in healing is putting in 100% effort.

Spiritual Psychology is one of the newer psychological approaches. It balances both spirituality and psychology. It takes into account the unseen forces, like energy, emotion, and attitude. We are physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. The best odds for ultimate wellbeing is balancing all these levels.

I can’t emphasize enough that the key ingredient in your healing – and remaining healthy – is you. You are comprised of your biology – the gene pool from your parents, environmental factors from the area you live, work, go to school, etc. You also are a sum of your history, what you’ve learned, and what you have done that has gotten you through life. These experiences we tend to repeat if they have worked in the past, when they don’t work, we need to make adjustments. If you don’t make adjustments, you are destined to have more problems – like my past substance addiction. I knew it didn’t work for me, but it was all I had – or that’s what I thought. When I decided to try other solutions that were better for me, my addiction was left in my past.

I feel that we are more emotional than logical anyway. Emotions  are basically your feelings toward yourself and the world. Do you feel safe? Do you feel worthy of good health? Do you hold judgments and resentments? Is more time spent on judging people than loving them? Learning to care about yourself is the ultimate goal of Spiritual Psychology. This is your life – do you even care about you?

I figured that if I could learn to love myself, why not help others do the same. Yes, there were lots of examples of what I had done wrong in my life – I wasn’t perfect, nor am currently, but that doesn’t mean I am no worthy of love. If someone you know is hurting, doesn’t it feel good to lend them a hand? Why not treat that hurting part inside of yourself with love as well? First of all, we can’t beat ourselves up enough to heal. We can’t find the light through the dark. Instead, treat yourself with kindness. I know it is weird and against what everyone believes but if you continue to follow what others tell you – you will remain stuck. I give you permission. It is okay to love yourself because as you do, you heal, grow, and feel better. Wouldn’t you rather live your life this way instead?

Did you realize that we are Spiritual Beings having a Human experience? This is how they explained that to us in graduate school. No A, B, C’s to getting close to God – we are already close. I will ask you – Where is God not? Think about it. Overall, God is everywhere – including inside of us. You’ve heard the inner voice. God speaks to us. Where did that inspiration – that thought come from? If we were created in the image of God – according to Roberto Assigioli from Psychosynthesis (and countless others) that image or blueprint is embedded inside of us all. Pay attention to your gut and follow it.

Have you ever wondered about why are you here? Do you believe in God? If so, is God good to you or abusive? Voice this to God, or in therapy. Get in tune with your thoughts and feelings and process through them. Psychology is also about discovering who you are down deep and if you are frightened to take a look, you will remain stuck. If you have the courage to discover the real you, you will come face to face with someone that is incredible! A person that is an inspiration. Shed that dark skin and let your true inner beauty shine!

You are very powerful. Your thoughts can move matter – and this has been proven. Are you using this power beneficially, or negatively? It is your choice. How do you want to live your life? Are you a prisoner to how you currently are? You can be if you don’t do anything to change, so ask yourself, are you willing to live the life you have only wished?

Change takes place one step at a time. First you set a goal – “I want to be happy.” For some this may sound absurd. To them there is no such thing and it is only available to a chosen few. That kind of thinking blocks us from experiencing good. Why not you? Have you done something so horrible that you believe you are damned for the rest of your life? The real issue, people may or may not be damning you, but ultimately are you damning you? If so, that is the ultimate problem.

What do you want? I ask people every day. It is not what I want – I’ve learned to practice good self-care. In doing so, I am able to assist others.

“What do you want out of therapy?” I asked a woman. She said: “I want to be happy.”

Let’s use this as an example.

If you truly want something with all of your heart, you can achieve it. Here is where being stubborn pays off. Hold tight to obtaining happiness, if you can, then you have possibilities. “I can never be happy,” you may reply. This answer is the curse and will keep you stuck. If happy is your goal, state this as an intention. “My intention is to be happy.” Read this out loud. “My intention is to be happy.” Did you feel it?

Intentions mark the first step toward healing. Saying it once will have little effect. State it throughout the day. “My intention is to be happy.” Suddenly, happiness is on our radar. There is possibility it can show up. To take this to the next step, put “I am” in front of the statement. “I am happy.” Try it on for size. “I am happy.” Any change. Here, you are taking the future desire and claiming it in the here and now. “I am happy.” Not, I want to be happy, but I am. If you want something that will always exist in the future. Claiming it in the here and no puts Spiritual Psychology into action.

“I Am” is the name of God. Read in the Bible about the time Noah was talking with God who appeared as a burning bush. Noah asked God, “What is your name? “I AM” was the reply. When we put the words “I am” in front of a statement, we are putting the power of God into it. “I am sick.” I am not good enough.” I am a horrible person.” In being mindful of our words, we can release our self restraints and free ourselves from the self-imposed prison we’ve put ourselves in. “I am not worthy.” I am sorry.” Are you? We are all incredible! We were all created in the image of God. Unfortunately, we’ve learned to use our image to judge, condemn, make believe we are worthless and others are better. To be honest – we are all the same!

We have both the dark and the light in us – that Yin Yang. When we are in the light, things are magical – and yes, we are happy. When we are in the dark, things are still magical, we are just getting a different perspective. There is a little light in the darkness, there is a little darkness in the light. Befriend your shadow self – the part that gets angry, anxious, and wants to put others down. “The real issue is how you are with yourself when you are down.” Can you be gentle with yourself? If so, healing is at hand. This means when you get grumpy, can you stop, take in a deep breath, exhale, set an intention to be happy, or affirm happiness by repeating “I am happy.” This may sound foolish, but practice makes perfect.

We haven’t even considered the hundreds of psychological tools that have been proven to be effective. Those can wait. Until you get yourself in the proper mindset, those tools won’t be half as effective. Do you want to heal? That is the biggie. And do you?

This may seem crazy, especially for people who have no spiritual beliefs. Then I ask you to try this out. For an entire day, be as loving as you can to yourselves and others. Think of it as an experiment. At the end of the day, ask yourself if it was a good or bad experience. It wouldn’t hurt. Love at that level may mean stopping substance use, eating healthy food, pointing out the positives you see in others – or even yourself. When was the last time you told your partner how much you appreciated them?

To rid yourself of unwanted thoughts and feelings – write things out – search your mind and write this all out, then – without re-reading it, rip it up and/or burn it. LET IT GO. If you are not into writing, then go for a walk or a drive and voice your frustration. “That piece of Shit!!!” Keep it coming.

Now the real journey begins. Once you decide you want to change, then do it 100%. This is your wellbeing and do the best that you can. Get help. Talk with a therapist that you trust and be honest. Many tell me they have gone through therapy but never really opened up. That only hurts you. You can live your dreams – I should know. From being addicted, homeless, and jobless, to where I am now, all it took is taking one more step forward when I felt like giving up.