Often, people enter treatment looking for quick results. Yes, there is medication that takes the edge off; however, the problem can still remain. This is because there are reasons for depression, anxiety, mood swings, or anything else. According to Spiritual Psychology, your ailments have educational value for the soul. If we process through these issues, they are gone forever. If not, they have a way of returning because Spirit wants us to grow.

The quick fixes put a Band-Aid over the thorn, but if you bump against it, pain flares. Therapy is incredible for removing the thorn right at the root. However, pain can be part of the removal process, but you are big enough to handle that.

Ask yourself, how long are you willing to tolerate your problems? If you are waiting for others to rescue you, you may be waiting a lifetime. This is a symptom of codependence: needing other people to care for you. You can be the baby in your life, or not—it’s your decision. Wouldn’t it be interesting if all that was needed was taking a few basic steps, and that issue was gone forever?

I personally know mental health issues aren’t easy. Suddenly, one day, I suffered a panic attack and thought I was dying. My avoidance of myself caught up to me, and from that moment, I was motivated to take the ultimate care of myself. Panic attacks are emotionally based and cause heart racing, incredible fear, dizziness, and overwhelm. They can happen for hours a day. I soon anticipated them happening, as if I was bringing them on. Bottom line: I was fearing fear.

To heal any psychological ailment, you need to work underneath—at the root. According to Spiritual Psychology, “When love is applied to hurt, we heal.” This slogan has guided my practice for over 30 years. It worked at the Mental Health Urgent Care Center, in residential treatment, and in this current practice. Until you get to the root of your issue, the problem can remain.

I am the “Inner Child” guy. Object Relations Therapy believes that all mental illness has its root in early childhood experiences, and what I saw when I worked at the crisis center was that over 90% of the people who were suicidal had early childhood wounds. In fact, that was the root of my own problems: suffering childhood abuse before age four. I learned through counseling that the scared younger part inside of me, not being listened to, used the only tool it had to get my attention—anxiety.

I, like countless others, didn’t want to deal with my anxiety and did what most of my friends did: use substances to numb out. Unfortunately, this led to years of substance use and all the problems that went along with that.

Now, what can you do to heal?

The first step is simple: make the decision to heal.

If you aren’t committed to the process, it will not work. This isn’t the time to test the water; it is the time to jump on in. You will be fine if your decision is to be fine. I learned to keep breathing as I faced the challenges of changing. Why was it hard to face my pain? I was in my comfort zone, I was scared that things would get even worse, and I didn’t want to make the effort because if I did and I failed, it would prove that I was a total loser. But the desire to change got me through this.

Once you make that commitment, thank yourself.

This may seem odd, but psychology is the science of relationships, and the most important relationship is the one with yourself. “Good morning, me. Ready to have a good day?” Weird? Of course this is weird, but this is the language of emotions. If you have anger, anxiety, and/or hurt, all of these are emotions. You cannot think your way out of an emotional wound; you need to love yourself through it. Yes, you probably did some horrible things in the past. In fact, we all have a past. Does that mean you need to beat yourself up? Abusing yourself will not help you. You cannot beat yourself up enough to make things better. What you did happened in the past. If you are willing to process through that with compassion for yourself, you heal. Use the past as a stepping stone toward how you want to be. Remember, you have the power within yourself to get better.

I believe the number one priority is to help yourself re-grow up.

Since early childhood trauma is the root of mental illness, then that younger part in you needs to be addressed, and we do this with love. What do young children want? Actually, two things top the list: love and play. This is the strategy to help yourself heal and emotionally grow back up. If you’ve suffered early childhood trauma, this is the number one cure. Use a pillow to represent the youngest you and apply love: hugs, kisses, bedtime stories, lullabies. When love is applied to hurt, we heal. To take this to the next step, talk with your younger self or use Opposite Hand Writing, where you have a conversation on paper. Your dominant hand represents the adult you, and the opposite represents the younger you. “When love is applied to our hurt, we heal.”

Dominant hand: Hello, younger me, how are you?
Opposite: Sad.
Dominant: Why are you sad?
Opposite: Because people are mean to me, and nobody cares.
Dominant: I care, and I am so sorry I haven’t talked to you until now. I didn’t know how to.
Opposite: I don’t trust you.
Dominant: Why not?
Opposite: Because you have done bad things to me.
Dominant: That changes today because I want to help you and me heal.

These conversations can go on and on, and the longer the better—it is showing that you are putting in the effort and care.

In the end, ask the younger you what they need from you to feel better.

What I love to do is play with the younger self. Shoot hoops with the opposite hand and praise the effort. Bowling with the other hand, miniature golf, playing a board game, brushing teeth—anything you can do with the opposite hand is encouraged. Suddenly, play becomes a healing strategy.

There are wonderful exercises on the logical level. Affirmations are one.

Create an affirmation statement using this format: I am a ________, ________, and ________ person/human being/man/woman.

Choose three qualities to place in the blanks. For example: I am a happy, courageous, and healthy man. Repeat your affirmation 100 times a day for a minimum of a month to attract these qualities. Avoid using “don’t” or “not.” For example: I am not going to be depressed. In this example, the mind will focus on depression.

In working on the mental level, you need to monitor your thoughts. The negative ones need to be written out and then ripped up and/or burned. Write out negativity, and then, after you discard it, replace it with positive thoughts. “I am really a good person,” for example.

With limited space left, let me encourage you to set positive intentions.

Instead of focusing on what you don’t want, focus on what you do want. “My intention is to have a great day. My intention is to be happy. My intention is to eat healthy food. My intention is to be sober. My intention is to be productive.”