Since 2008, I have enjoyed teaching new therapists how to do therapy. In this article, I will share information on how to get over the initial hurdles in this industry to create the proper atmosphere to not only survive but thrive as a counselor.

The elements of therapy I’ve found to be the most effective are easy to learn and are helpful to fall back on when you get overwhelmed. Trust me, these feelings are common when you first begin, and if they didn’t, I’d be concerned. The most important thing to remember is that you don’t heal people – they do.

Let’s be frank, all people have their ups and downs, including therapists. Come on, be honest, you’ve woken up on the wrong side of the bed before. When this happens, it is a sign of burnout. Then it is mandatory to practice proper self-care.

Let me suggest a few techniques that have gotten me through my 32 years in the industry:

1. Grounding – place your bare feet on the ground for a minimum of 20 minutes. This helps with overthinking, anxiety, and feeling there is an edge to us. At minimum, do this for 20 minutes to help bring your energy down from your head and chest and into the earth.
2. Free form writing – Instead of mulling things over in your head, write it out in detail. When the words stop, rip up the paper and toss it out – or burn it. This technique helps you process feelings.
3. Take a time out – breathe, exercise, or walk for at least a half hour. Get away from the office, and try to empty your mind. Supplements and whole food will help your body, as well as getting properly hydrated. Water helps flush emotions.

Note: We are only as good as our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual levels. Remember, being perfect all the time is unrealistic. Being human means our moods fluctuate. Admitting your faults to your clients, especially if you say something wrong, makes you approachable and respected.

It is important to understand that we cannot fix people – that is their job. What we can do is support, show care, and provide them with hope.

You need to become a therapist to yourself. In session, it is referred to as working with your self-counselor – basically that wise inner voice inside of you. This voice has been active throughout your life, but have you paid attention to it? Pay attention – it is always right. Fighting it won’t help you or your clients.

It is important to attend individual counseling because the first few years can bring up every one of your issues. Know that this is a good thing because of the deeper levels of healing that take place. The deeper you heal, the more present you become in sessions.

Also, it is important to know your limits and practice only what you have been trained to do. I avoid working with children because my heart is in treating people I can relate to. A hyper child throwing toys doesn’t appeal to me – if I am totally honest.

For 11 years I worked at the first Mental Health Urgent Care Center in this country. I treated 7,000 clients there. At times I got so overwhelmed that I regressed into a wounded child – helpless and couldn’t cope. At those moments, I was of no help and had to turn to coworkers to cover my load. Please know when you are off and, at that time, take a time out.

New interns are raw; allow yourself to take some chances and ask difficult questions from a loving place. Avoid an agenda because each session is like art; let the art flow out of you and the other person(s). Remember that clients are people just like you, and most of what is bothering them, they don’t really know. Therefore, when they speak, allow them the space to do so. Be silent – this allows them to go deeper. Let them figure things out on their own. Empower them. I always remind myself that they are the client and to let them speak. Many have no family or friends they can talk to, so be that for them.

What is the number one communication tool? You may think talking, but actually it is listening. Listening is loving.

During the sessions, do not work harder than the client. If they aren’t saying anything, be silent. This is the time for you to get comfortable in the silence and control your own anxiety. After a few minutes, you have options. You can talk about the silence and remind them the session is confidential. You can ask them what is on their mind. If they don’t want to talk, don’t push. I ask them if there is anything they want to ask me. Always let the client take the lead. The session is not for you and for you to do some amazing thing. Just sitting there and listening may be amazing to them. Can you make this good enough?

At times I will make an observation by repeating back the general themes they have talked about, then ask about “Owning the Projections.” This means when we point our finger at someone, three fingers are pointing back to us. “I noticed you called your father abusive; have you been abusive too?” It is humbling to realize that we all have the same stuff, so why not focus on the beauty of them and ourselves?

Let me ask you, have you ever felt totally heard and cared about? It is important for you to give this experience to your clients. Seek to understand before being understood. This may spark tremendous healing in them. Many clients come from difficult upbringings and don’t know what it is like for people to care about them. Object Relations therapy focuses on re-establishing the initial bonding that needs to take place between parent and child. If this is lacking, it is nearly impossible for people to bond with others. I have discovered that people will then bond with food, drugs, alcohol, even video games. Therapists then need to become a surrogate parent and create that initial bond. Show them love, show you care. Be excited when they show up. Show genuine interest in what they are saying. Overall, praise them.

After they bond with you, show them how to bond with themselves. My favorite tool for doing this type of work is through Opposite Hand writing and play. Here, your opposite hand can play, draw, or do activities. With inner child work, love applied to hurt heals. In school, the slogan was “The Father does the work.” Counseling can feel like you are in prayer with the client. Stay present, surround them in love (since God is love), and pay attention to ideas bubbling up inside of you from your inner voice.

I remember one day at the Urgent Care Center when I asked a young man to tell me what happened with your red bicycle when you were five years old. He was shocked! “Who told you about that?” he asked.

We have time as therapists. We can be patient, sit in the silence, and give a person the freedom to explore their feelings. My friend, as a dentist, doesn’t have the time. He has learned techniques to speed a person through their anger and fear quickly. He envies our profession and wants to be a counselor in his retirement.

I practice Spiritual Psychology, which believes that love heals. I’ve learned to listen with an open heart, praise them often, and work without the pressure of devising some intervention or shaming them. I just listen to my gut and go with it. I am not that brilliant – just ask my coworkers – but brilliance flows through me when I am taking care of myself, listening with an open heart, and truly care about the client seated in front of me.

Carl Rogers, from Person-Centered Therapy, believed “the client has all the resources within themselves to heal.” Please don’t give advice – that would be you telling them to do what you do. It worked for you, but it might not work for them. Instead, ask the client what their options are.

For four years in graduate school, we students counseled each other under the scrutiny of our professors. Our job was to practice the skills we were learning. They told us how important it was to work on our own stuff but also see what it feels like as a client. Realistically, if we had the same issue as our client, it would trigger us. Therefore, work was conducted by all of us, to work through as many issues as possible before we got paid to do so as a profession.

These are just the basics, and you will learn more and more by simply working in the field. I hope this article is of help to you. If you wish, please provide any comments or questions. We are here to help you.