This article is written for people who have never attended counseling or who have tried it and found that it didn’t work. There are many factors that can cause treatment to fail. Let’s look at the obvious ones.

1. You didn’t like the counselor.

In counseling, it is important to create a “therapeutic bond.” If people don’t like one another, it makes it difficult to develop trust, which is necessary for healing. This is why the first task is finding someone you respect and like to be with.

2. Their approach didn’t work for you.

There are many counseling approaches practiced in the field. Because of this, take the time to research which approach(es) the person provides. Next, ask yourself if their approach seems like something you will follow. The key is asking, before the first visit, what the person’s theory of healing is. Researching counselors can save you a lot of headaches.

NOTE: What to look for is whether their approach lines up with your needs. For example, if you are suffering from anxiety, depression, or anger, it is important that the counselor uses emotional tools. You cannot outthink an emotional wound or pray it away.

3. Going to the cheapest therapist.

Many people focus more on cost than effectiveness. Low cost doesn’t mean it is comparable to higher-end approaches. Let’s look at this realistically: if electric shock therapy is the cheapest option and covered by your insurance, would you subject yourself to that? Give yourself permission to pay the extra charge if the counselor seems to be a good fit. This will save you more in the long run.

4. Find out what their healing strategy is.

Actually, this should top the list. When you are considering a therapist, ask them, “How do people heal?” Does their strategy align with what is reasonable to you?

5. Does the therapist have expertise in your area of difficulty?

This question speaks for itself. Therapists need to stay within their level of expertise. Guesswork can do harm.

6. Is the therapist stable?

Check out their reviews. If you feel that the person isn’t professional, pay attention to your gut. In time, the basic nature of the therapist will become obvious. If a therapist has not worked on their issues, how can they help you with yours?

7. The intangibles.

Many clients have told me they wanted to please their therapist, and even though the therapist was bordering on being abusive, they thought the therapist was the professional and continued to attend. If you hate showing up, you are the customer. Say something or simply stand up and leave. Not every professional is a professional.

One way to find a great therapist is to visualize. Visualization helps you open your mind’s eye and see your vision of what you desire. Form a picture of what you want, write it out, and be open to its appearing. We call this the “law of attraction.” Through your mental focus, you can create whatever you want if you truly believe it can happen. And yes, we are powerful and have the innate ability to do this. If you focus on what you don’t want, you will create that too. Therefore, train yourself to visualize beauty, strength, and the things you want.

True Story:

There are many stories that come to mind regarding matching up with the proper therapist.

One stands out.

I worked at a luxury treatment facility in Malibu and was given a new client who had failed at conventional treatment over 20 times. He had had 60 failed suicide attempts, and in his last attempt, he put a gun to his head and pulled the trigger. The gun jammed, and when he put the gun down, it went off. He saw this as a sign and immediately signed up for treatment. He was very shy and overwhelmed when he entered the facility, and the other residents could see that he was on edge. What they did probably saved his life. They all told him about me and how I had helped them because of my care.

From the instant he and I met, he was interested not in my approach, but in me. I could see he needed to be re-parented due to the abuse he had suffered throughout his life. He was a natural at inner-child work, and after a short time, I drove him to a Dodger baseball game. Since that day, playing catch with him became a regular activity. You see, he never did this with his father, so I substituted myself. To be honest, he let his guard down because of what the others told him. It sometimes works like that. He left treatment a year later, moved back home, got his first girlfriend, and moved in with her. People heal. Miracles do take place.

If you feel hopeless and don’t want to try therapy again, why limit your chances? This time, interview your potential therapist to see if they fit the above criteria. Who knows? You may need to take just a few steps before you succeed.