I believe one of the benefits of running your own counseling center is the freedom to adjust your approach and emphasize what is the most effective way of obtaining the proper results you would like to see in the clients. One way I do this is by applying the approaches to myself.

A recent health scare caused me to reevaluate my priorities and focus on what truly mattered while my body needed to recover. At Basic Steps Mental Health, we look at treating a problem four ways: physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. If each of these levels is handled at the maximum level, positive results are easier to achieve.

Using myself as a guide, I started off with physical care. I went to the doctor, had an intensive check-up, and was prescribed medication. Though the medication alone helped somewhat, I needed to go the extra distance. I avoided the foods I had allergies to, almost eliminated sugar and salt from my diet, upped my exercising, and went to acupuncture to help the energetic systems. This, plus drinking a lot of water, was showing some results, but not what I wanted, and frustration began to settle in.

One of the main blocks to healing is ourselves. I was frustrated, wanted to give in and take more medication, but I constantly had to battle with myself. “If I did this, or that,” was what started to cloud my judgment. Rationalizations are rational lies, and I had to remember what my goal was—physical health. So, I created an affirmation: I am young, healthy, and at peace. All of these qualities I craved. Repeating an affirmation 100 times a day helps you focus on your goal, but at the same time, it reduces the number of negative thoughts you have. Now, at first, the 100 affirmations were easy—I even made a game of it. While driving to work, how many of those buggers could I say? And yes, I said them out loud. Then came the battle—the battle with my shadow (and yes, we all have that yin/yang inside of us). Yin was trying to stay positive, but yang was negative, telling me the affirmation was a lie and it would never work.

The mental work can be exhausting, and the negatives inside have often won my internal battles—of course, with poor results. Learning how to tolerate the shadow part inside of me has been the key to my recent success in my physical health status.

Let me ask you, how often have you gone the distance toward a goal? Be honest. Have you tried to stay on a diet, become sober, stick with an exercise program, or keep commitments to your job or schooling? This is the area of recent focus at Basic Steps. It is easy to learn the new approaches and test them out in sessions or in the group, but will you recite the affirmation 100 times daily? Will you use reparenting tools that are a focus on the emotional level? Yes, it is easier to play the video game, watch television, or get stuck scrolling on social media, but how are these distractions going to help you achieve the results you want in your life?

Thus lies the battle each person needs to face. Do I take care of myself? Or do I focus my attention on pleasing others so they will love me? I’ve learned that I am with me 24/7 and am horrible at manipulating people into loving me. Unfortunately, the healing you crave does not come from others; it comes from within. “But I haven’t learned to do this.” “My parents told me self-care is narcissistic.” “Society feels this is selfish.” Yes, I’ve heard all the excuses. Do you want to heal, or do you want to damage yourself because others feel that is the way you have to live?

I’d rather focus on my emotions—they are easier to deal with and, for me, loads of fun. “But I’d rather die than look at the pain from my past.” Yep, one person told me that years ago. Trust me, if I could address my emotions—with all the abuse I went through and witnessed when I was growing up—anybody can.

Emotional work—Spiritual Psychology style—is as simple as applying love to our hurt. No rationalizations. No shaming. No begging forgiveness. It is simply riding an emotional reaction you recently had back in time to when it first took place (or close to that time). Next, apply love to that younger part of you through Opposite Hand Writing, where you have a conversation on paper with that younger you. Your dominant hand represents the current you, and your opposite hand represents that younger part inside of you that originally got hurt. To me, Spiritual Psychology is endearing.

When we go through a shock, according to Fritz Perls of Gestalt Therapy, a part of us can get stuck, which he referred to as having “Unfinished Business” or being “Fixated.” Yes, there are younger parts inside of you stuck in your subconscious mind, causing you to currently get afraid, angry, and want to lash out. Talk to that part. Let it purge. Once you get things all out, ask that part what it needs from you to heal. Before your mental side rejects this, give it a try and see how it works for yourself. The emotions have a different way of communicating, and if you can remember that when love is applied to hurt, we heal, then the most important thing we can do is continually apply love to ourselves.

In not seeing the instant results in my physical symptoms, fear cropped up. I used Opposite Hand Writing to talk with that afraid part in me. Suddenly, not all of me was afraid, but a portion showed up that was stable and caring. Through those interactions, I realized that my number one issue was my fear while testing my blood pressure. It wasn’t instantaneous—far from it—but suddenly the battle line was drawn. My real physical problem was my fear of pain and death. Was I up to facing this? Taking more medication would have been a lot easier—or so I thought. However, I knew what this was really all about—the medical testing I had to continually go through when I was a child.

To be honest, I was born with a heart murmur and high blood pressure and, down deep, feared the same testing I went through—with always the fear of heart surgery. Yep, my fear ran deep. So, I did Opposite Hand Writing with little Scotty, used Opposite Hand Play, did some drawing with my opposite hand, and listened to my favorite songs from when I was growing up, which helped, but didn’t get me over the finish line.

Spiritually, I found the final push that got me over the top. Here is the realm of prayer, meditation, visualization, and my favorite—relaxation. How spiritual can relaxation be? Well, if you are afraid of letting go—which is what meditation is all about—it shows up in relaxation exercises. Obviously, I had strayed away from my belief in God and worked to regain that.

This morning, my blood pressure registered normal, which it hadn’t been for months. I did so in four ways—physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. All the bland meals, long hikes, affirmations, and commitment to self paid off. Though, paid off for now. I still need to lose 20 pounds, get back into kayaking this summer, and explore healthier cooking habits to keep my body at its optimum.

What was a shock—and something that I didn’t even consider—was something even better: my acid reflux was gone! It happened a week ago, when I wasn’t taking antacids, and it was something I had been pounding for at least three years daily. I do miss my fast food and can’t remember the last hamburger I had—but that’s okay. I’d rather be healthy than hacking up phlegm—which had been my everyday reality for more than a decade.

A last thought. I like to use myself as an example to clients. It is a show to them that everyone—even their therapist—is a regular person who also has issues. I, for one, know I am not perfect, nor do I claim to be. I feel we are all dealing with issues on a daily basis, and I want to be a support, show people what worked for me, and also share the tools of the trade that may help them. We are in this thing together, and I am honored that they allow me to be of help.

Stay the distance. You may give up when all you needed to do was take two more steps. Yelling your affirmation out may help—it sure helped me recently. I know you can do it.