I asked one client what it was like to be in prison for 7 years. They told me it was amazing what you can get used to. The mindset and the violence became the comfort zone. Upon release, this person found it very hard to shake their mindset and turned to substances to stop the daily torment of conforming to society. They ended up in the hospital and then in our treatment facility.

And what about you? What are you comfortable with? Look at all levels: physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. You are the expert of you. You know what works and what doesn’t, but why do you hold on so tightly to the things that keep you stuck?

Complex? Absolutely. This is where therapy can help you sort things out. Why do you hang out with friends you can’t stand? Why are you with a partner you despise? Shoot, I remember waking up one morning next to my fiance’ and feeling my skin crawl. At the time, there was no more love between us—only resentment and avoidance. Our relationship became one of obligation, if I am absolutely honest with myself.

As a former addict, I know intimately about what it is like to be stuck in that comfort zone. My, oh my, did I defend my actions to family and friends. Soon came the panic attacks, my vehicle broke down, I lost my job, and I had to travel by bicycling around the city.  Angry at the world, I doubled down hard on my addictions because they were supposed to get me through everything. That’s what I thought, and this was my bottom. This now homeless person wasn’t living the fun life anymore, but at least I still had my addictions.

I write these articles because I know I am not the only one who has been stuck in a bad habit and is numb to the effects of it. People heal, and the people who have been there and gotten through it are the best teachers. At least, that is what I believe.

The first step is to be aware of what you are doing and ask yourself if it works or not. In one session this week, a person used cannabis for their anxiety, looked up and me, and said, “I think it works but I still have the anxiety.”

Note the times during your day when you get upset, and look at that. Why are you so upset? Believe it or not, this actually marks the first step towards healing. They upset you because what? Did they do something wrong? What did they do? Why is it wrong? Wrong according to what, your family’s way of doing things? Was your family perfect? Where did they get these rules from? Or, are you upset because the person reminds you of yourself? This was the one that really opened my eyes. I didn’t know I had so much self-hate until I took a look first at them and asked how I do the same thing. Maybe a person doing something that was done to you when you were young? All of these questions can fling you out of automatic, and now you have some wiggle room to operate in.

Welcome to the road less traveled, or should I say—the hero’s journey. It is easy to remain stuck in your bubble, but the hardest thing you will ever do is break on through to the other side—as Jim Morrison sang.

This life is a gift, so what are you doing with it? I was fortunate. I went through counseling, seminars, and a kick-ass school, and had to learn the tools of the trade. Was it easy? No! I hated the healing process because it ignited my anxiety, but I pushed on—and so can you.

What is stopping you from living the best life you can? Go ahead and list them out, because one by one, your next step is to address every item. How do you address them? Please follow along:

1. Intention setting

The journey of 1,000 miles begins with one step. It is the direction of that step that is most important. If you intend to be happy, for example, then state the intention and start walking—for example: “My intention is to be happy.” This may sound simple, and perhaps it is, but this marks the beginning of the journey, and from here on, you need to stubbornly keep stepping forward.

2. The real issue

“The real issue is not your issue. The real issue is how you relate to yourself while you are going through your issue.”

If you fail, how are you with yourself? I see athletes yell at themselves, break their bats over their legs, and one pitcher got so upset he turned around and threw the baseball into the center field stands! Life isn’t about being perfect; it is about getting back up after you fall.

3. Remember who you are

It is easy to get caught up in what others are doing. Creating a positive affirmation—or a positive statement about yourself—will help. My first statement was: “I am a positive, caring, and loving man.” This statement kept me centered at work, on dates, and when I was challenging myself to be better.

3. Treating our weakest link

“When love is applied to hurt, we heal.” By treating our problems at the root, issues heal.

Opposite hand writing will take healing to the next step and can be read about in many of the articles already written. This will help you heal at the core by helping you re-parent the younger part of yourself that went through difficulty.

4. Action steps

When you are trying to burst through your bubble, take it slowly and try not to rush the process. I encourage you, at the same time, to set positive intentions and to repeat your personal affirmation.

5. Breathe

Keep breathing. You will survive.