Dream Your Dream
It’s that time of year again. The time to set your sights on the new year, create some plans that are unobtainable, disappoint yourself, and then fall back into the same old limiting patterns. Humiliating? Of course, it is. This article was written to improve your odds of obtaining your desires, but in order to resolve something, ask yourself if it is something that you really want.
Desire is the first step towards obtaining your dreams. Many fail to dream because if they did, went after it, and failed, it would prove that they are hopeless. Unlearning this limiting belief marks another step towards obtaining your dreams. Yes, what you have tried to accomplish in the past may have not worked out, but life is all about trial and error and when we learn from our mistakes, it increases the odds of success. I suggest always pushing forward – especially when the going gets rough because it has worked incredibly for me.
In opening up Basic Steps, I came to a place where my funding was almost gone, I had kept making mistake after mistake and I was flushing money down the toilet, according to my family, but I pushed on because I had my dream and I was going to push till I obtained it. I realized at this time that if I decided to stop myself, my dream would be over and I wasn’t ready to stop because I was so damn close.
Stay on the path. Break down that path into incremental steps. Shoot, I remember watching an episode of Man vs. Wild, and Bear Grylls said when he got overwhelmed, he’d break down his journey into seven-yard segments. He knew he could make it seven yards, celebrated after he did, and then focused his attention on the next seven yards, and soon he arrived at his destination. In going after your dreams, this is a good method to follow.
Do people ever change? This question was posed to me when I first arrived at a luxury treatment facility in Malibu, California. A coworker had never seen anybody improve there and wondered if the place was a curse. I soon found out that the facility had no program whatsoever. It was mostly focused on taking clients to outside meetings. AA this, sexual addicts that, and unfortunately the clients only learned tools during my groups. So I took extra time on breaks to check in with people and encourage them to use the tools I presented. And do you know what happened? I was fired for helping people heal. Unfortunately, my boss was more concerned about having his beds filled. Therefore, my dream of opening up my own facility began.
Yes, people change. When they learn the basics, obtain the proper support, and make the needed steps.
I learned how to run a residential treatment facility in graduate school. It was simple, just follow the school’s format. When eventually one of the clients from Malibu asked if I would move up here and open a facility, I jumped at the offer. I wanted to test out my theory. I didn’t realize that my dream would be met by people in the community. Yes, we were successful, however, there was one detriment – not being able to support these people after they were discharged.
Long-term treatment was how I profoundly healed. Four years of graduate work at the University of Santa Monica showed me that long-term treatment helps cement in change. For four amazing years, we students counseled each other and supported each other, and all of us showed amazing growth! Why not in a treatment program? Definitely, it was school the way we always wanted it to be.
Basic Steps Mental Health Outpatient Clinic is moving into its 8th year. We’ve seen a lot of heroes attending our program who have been willing to push forward and make something incredible out of their lives. No wonder the clients and staff feel like family because we don’t thrust an agenda on anybody but simply show them love. We don’t offer a cookie-cutter approach nor cute little slogans but show people how to be their own counselor by training them to use 10 of the top psychological approaches used today. Each person is asked what they want to get out of treatment and are supported in achieving it. This support translated, a few months ago to one client supporting another while they appeared in court. This is why I feel honored to run the facility. I get to see acts of kindness on a daily basis.
What I do know is that we are all the same. We all have a history including our staff. I was once down and out and one person had faith in me before I had faith in myself. He gave me a place to stay, I sobered up, and he literally got me a job. I knew I had to stay the course, worked really hard at remaining sober, and for some reason didn’t allow my old self to return ever again.
What is important, is for us therapists to have faith in people. People have all the resources within themselves to heal, and it is our duty to be confident in their ability to change. If a person has no dreams, that is what they will get. If you are following the dreams and wishes of others, they will sputter and die. To change, set your sights on your desires and then start moving, one step at a time.
When I was new to the industry, one of my supervisors told me he loved each person he counseled. He knew that his job was to care about the person and show them that they had the ability to live a great life, and he was there to support this. Dr. Noah was amazing and I greatly miss his counsel.
What I learned from him was we are all the same. I’ve had my problems and others do as well. What sets a person apart is the desire to move forward regardless of the problems they are facing and the old beliefs that they are not good enough. We are more powerful than we realize. This was one of the first things they talked about in my graduate school. It is proven that a single thought can literally move matter! However, how to harness our innate ability needed to be taught to me, and I eagerly share how to do this with others. Why keep this information private? Everyone needs to realize that they can conquer anything if they stay on course. Sometimes you need support, I know that I did and still do, but as we stay on that course miracles take place.
A big part of change is unlearning the nonsense that society has programmed us with. Each person is amazing and has a special purpose to make their light shine brighter. However making ourselves weak because of our conditioning, or make believing that we are less than and not deserving of the good things in life is only going to keep you stuck. Do you believe people are better than you? People are just people and doing the best that they know. Education and effort top the list of helping us grow. Why not be great? Or, are you wanting to hide from life and just muddle on through? I then ask you, what if? What if that thing that you wanted really showed up?
Fear and doubt lead the list of blockers to your dreams. “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right”, is a quote by Henry Ford. Then it follows, that in order to obtain our dreams we need to believe we have the ability to obtain it.
I learned about the power of intention at the Mental Health Urgent Care Center. Each year we treated over 27,000 people, most of which were either psychotic, manic, overdosing, or in need of serious help. If I didn’t keep myself positive I’d become vulnerable to attack. I saw many coworkers needing to defend themselves from attacking clients. I too was smacked by a guy I was giving a meal to. I guess he didn’t like a warm meal. Though this was one person out of the 7,000 I treated there! Not bad odds at all. At least I didn’t get my jaw broken like my boss did. He forgot to duck.
How do we train ourselves to remain positive? How can we use our power to obtain the good things in our lives? You’ll need to befriend yourself and treat yourself with kindness. I know this is selfish or narcissistic – like what we have been warned not to do. But, just maybe that message was wrong. If we don’t take care of ourselves we cannot take care of others. If I didn’t practice my own self-care I couldn’t have survived the over 30 years in this industry. Plus, I’m only 28. You do the math.
Take care of yourself so you can take care of others. Dream your dream, and go after it, so you can give others hope that they can go after their own. You win, we all win. In one act of kindness witnessed by others, other people feel better. Same as negativity. Do something negative and it affects others. Why not be selfishly good and do good things? Then notice how good returns to you. When happy we are stronger, have more stamina, plus it feels good. Being angry and judgmental all the time will only drag us down.
A word of caution: If you are trying to change to please another person it can lead to resentment. Why are you struggling so much to make them happy, why continue on this path when it is making you so miserable? Plus, it is not a 100% guarantee that your efforts will make them happy anyway. Check inside of yourself and ask yourself at the core if the dream is something you really want for you. If not, say no to them. Set boundaries if this is the case and come up with another aspiration that you would rather pursue. Ultimately, when you please yourself, others eventually get pleased. If not, it gives you an opportunity to communicate, mediate, and come up with mutually agreed-upon solutions. If people love you they will adjust.
I’ll leave you with a true story. Years ago I had a dream of running my own residential facility – as mentioned before, had worked at a number of facilities and wanted to offer the public a psychological program that addressed problems at the root as they did in my graduate school. One day I received a phone call from a past client asking if I wanted to open a facility and I jumped at the offer. I’ve learned that when I’ve focused on creating something, things appear out of nowhere.
Compassionate Care is Always Available
There are many more tools and strategies you can use in your pursuit of happiness. Here is where we come in. Contact us at Basic Steps Mental Health and let us support and educate you on this journey back to your loving heart center. Imagine living a heart-centered life, regardless of what is happening externally. We’d love to be of help.
For 25 years, Dr. Scott Alpert, the clinical director of Basic Steps Mental Health, has treated over 7,000 people with mental health and addiction problems, using a Psychological approach that mixes and matches ten of the top approaches used in the industry. We are here virtually and in-person to help you get through this COVID-19 pandemic and many other difficulties you may be experiencing.
May you have good mental health.
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