So you want to learn how to change other people, but why? If they change to how you want them to be, would that make you feel better? If they said I’m sorry, would it make your problems go away? So many go to great lengths to change others, to make them love you, respect you, or simply to stop bothering you. I have some bad news for you – you can’t change them, that is their job.
Many people...Learn More
When somebody comes in for therapy, my first question is, “What brings you here?” I am grateful for the mere fact that they are willing enough to let me in. With myself, when I first went into therapy, I was guarded, minimized my symptoms, because I was trained by my family to pretend and tell everybody that I was great, which I was far from.
I learned in therapy to let down my guard, let...Learn More
When I went to therapy for the first time I was petrified. Having an anxiety disorder had me nervous about everything. I mustered up all the courage that I had and went into the counselor’s office to get that thing that would make me better in that instant! Fortunately, it didn’t happen that way, nor does it. In repeatedly showing up for sessions, I let my guard down, discovered who I was...Learn More
I’ve written a lot of articles in my career and when I drew a blank today I grabbed a box of Kleenex. In grad school, whenever we were blocked, we knew that something really important would come to the surface. And whalla it did. I was fooling around with a friend recently and they said, “When you are down people kick you.”
Have you ever heard that phrase, “When you are down they will kick...Learn More
I recently read the book Buddhism 101 by the Dalai Lama and noticed a lot of similarities with psychology. What struck me was their belief that everything in life is just an illusion. Something happens, it goes through our filter, and we make it either good or bad. Therefore, fine-tuning our filter to how the Buddhists urge – seeing each person’s “loving essence” can free us from frustration,...Learn More
When I write mental health articles, I try to stay as neutral as possible. For therapists, we treat people that often have opposing viewpoints to our own, and for me personally, I learn so much from the other person’s point of view, which makes each day rich and an opportunity to search my own self for my rationale in taking certain positions. Often, I post the first draft of something I’ve...Learn More
What is an addiction? An addiction is something that you are compelled to do and find it almost impossible to stop. I know this isn’t the clinical definition, but simply put this explains it. Not all addictions are bad. Addiction to exercise, a healthy diet, personal growth work, education, and helping out humanity are positive addictions. At the extreme, as in most things, even the great...Learn More
If you suffer from depression, it can be debilitating. No energy, no motivation, feeling helpless, hopeless, and worthless. Even when I was working with megastars in Malibu who was well known around the world, even they would feel this way. One day I was shocked when one told me, “I want what you have – your peace”.
How do we get the peace we desire? How does energy come back? How does...Learn More
When I graduated with my master’s degree at the University of Santa Monica, the famed surgeon Dr. Bernie Segal who wrote the book “Love, Medicine, and Miracles”, gave the commencement speech. He wished pain upon us all because with pain people are motivated to change. The same applies to anxiety. Anxiety is the mind’s way of getting our attention.
Anxiety friend or foe? When you are in...Learn More
This was an interesting article to write about the current national affairs. Let’s face it. We are polarized to the point of it feeling like the beginnings of a civil war but the real reasons are a bit unclear. Why are we as a nation at odds? Is it because the average person doesn’t feel heard? Is it because of righteousness – meaning I am right and they are wrong? In all actuality, this is...Learn More