New Year’s Resolutions
Is it that time of year already to set plans and never follow through on them? I tried to set New Year’s resolutions years ago and only got disappointed in myself. They were fun to think about but achieving them wasn’t obtainable in my mind, so I failed to go after them. I learned that it took a wholesale change in myself to change anything in my life and the first step was creating an...Learn More
Managing Withdrawals
After writing three books, back-to-back, I have to admit that I am going through withdrawals. It isn’t as severe as when I was coming off drugs in 1981, but still, they are withdrawal symptoms nonetheless. It struck me that I go through this same process when I am dieting. Is everything in life an addiction? Okay, if I have to confess, I may be addicted to the little games I play on my phone....Learn More
How to Change Others
So you want to learn how to change other people, but why? If they change to how you want them to be, would that make you feel better? If they said I’m sorry, would it make your problems go away? So many go to great lengths to change others, to make them love you, respect you, or simply to stop bothering you. I have some bad news for you – you can’t change them, that is their job. Many people...Learn More
What Is Your Normal?
When somebody comes in for therapy, my first question is, “What brings you here?” I am grateful for the mere fact that they are willing enough to let me in. With myself, when I first went into therapy, I was guarded, minimized my symptoms, because I was trained by my family to pretend and tell everybody that I was great, which I was far from. I learned in therapy to let down my guard, let...Learn More
Fix Me Doc – The Basics of Change
When I went to therapy for the first time I was petrified. Having an anxiety disorder had me nervous about everything. I mustered up all the courage that I had and went into the counselor’s office to get that thing that would make me better in that instant! Fortunately, it didn’t happen that way, nor does it. In repeatedly showing up for sessions, I let my guard down, discovered who I was...Learn More
When You’re Down
I’ve written a lot of articles in my career and when I drew a blank today I grabbed a box of Kleenex. In grad school, whenever we were blocked, we knew that something really important would come to the surface. And whalla it did. I was fooling around with a friend recently and they said, “When you are down people kick you.” Have you ever heard that phrase, “When you are down they will kick...Learn More
Let Go of Being Right for a Change – The Illusion
I recently read the book Buddhism 101 by the Dalai Lama and noticed a lot of similarities with psychology. What struck me was their belief that everything in life is just an illusion. Something happens, it goes through our filter, and we make it either good or bad. Therefore, fine-tuning our filter to how the Buddhists urge – seeing each person’s “loving essence” can free us from frustration,...Learn More
Getting Out of the Shadows
When I write mental health articles, I try to stay as neutral as possible. For therapists, we treat people that often have opposing viewpoints to our own, and for me personally, I learn so much from the other person’s point of view, which makes each day rich and an opportunity to search my own self for my rationale in taking certain positions. Often, I post the first draft of something I’ve...Learn More
What is an Addiction?
What is an addiction? An addiction is something that you are compelled to do and find it almost impossible to stop. I know this isn’t the clinical definition, but simply put this explains it. Not all addictions are bad. Addiction to exercise, a healthy diet, personal growth work, education, and helping out humanity are positive addictions. At the extreme, as in most things, even the great...Learn More