Why do people seek therapy? For many, they suffer from depression, anxiety, or debilitating mood swings. People mostly seek treatment for substance use issues. As of late, it is something more disturbing.

The majority of people showing up for treatment as of recent times are there to deal with the issues they face in this country and the world. One young adult confessed to having tremendous panic due to his generation feeling hopeless about maybe getting drafted into a war. Yes, the times are changing.

Is it possible to live the American Dream? We treat many people who came to this country to pursue it, only to find a corporation that made them work like slaves, well beyond their salary of 20 hours, and more or less are working upwards of 20 hours a week extra for free. Some dream. To them, it is a nightmare.

Let’s face it: the economic condition in our neck of the woods makes it too darn expensive to leave home when you are a young adult. Thirty years ago, I struggled to pay for school, for my home, and for food, wanting to live the American Dream, and it was extremely difficult. Today, that would be impossible, with car payments and insurance totaling $1,000 a month, not including rent of $2,000, bills, food, and gasoline. I did so, making $15.00 an hour. People are lucky making $20.00 today. The American Dream or the American Nightmare?

People have become slaves to work, to bills, and can’t afford to eat. What about the increasing costs of schooling? Is our society grinding to a halt because we can’t afford to live? I thought that the system didn’t support me in the past—what about now? Who can live the American Dream?

More and more people are entering treatment due to their fears of the social environment. The separation between the haves and the have-nots is greater. We are seeing more poverty with people who have full-time jobs! Many people we have treated in the tech industry have lost their jobs and cannot afford to continue with treatment. The initiation of AI is drastically changing the job market, and it is even affecting our industry. Ask Chat GPT about psychological issues. It is amusing, but people will forego a human being and opt for a robot for aid. Yes, the times are changing.

Those times from long ago, when one person made the money while another person stayed home to raise the children, are gone. Because of the economy, children have no supervision, there is less bonding time with parents, and this has a major impact on human relationships. Instead of making human bonds, children are bonding with social media sites and playing video games. Does our society have a chance? In this industry, we’ve seen the deterioration of verbal and social skills. The trend in today’s psychology is telehealth—basically online therapy. And yes, we use it too. Forty percent of our sessions are online, and we do see the advantages of it, but is it a cure for the relationship issues that these people are trying to seek through a camera and a screen?

Many people ask if we provide telehealth for our Intensive Outpatient program. Three hours of online treatment three times a week? Yeah, no. In our facility, we have people branch out into duos and practice being a counselor and client to each other, as if they are going through counseling school. How is this accomplished watching a computer screen? Plus, psychology is the science of relationships. Isn’t that two people relating to one another? With a screen in the way, it blocks human-to-human interactions. I believe live sessions are always preferred.

I flew down to Los Angeles during the presidential race to visit my folks, and all they wanted to do was yell at the television. I simply placed my chair in front of the television, turned it off, and told them their son was home and they could yell at whoever they wanted to after I left. They agreed. We were a loving and tight family always.

I am a product of theirs in the 1960s. My father’s best friend was black and gay, my mother’s best friend was from Japan, and my mother sold Tupperware. Every Thursday, there was a Tupperware meeting at our house, and it felt like the United Nations, with so many different people of different colors and backgrounds. That was the norm, and in the 1960s, with Martin Luther King and Malcolm X, it seems like the times haven’t changed that much, unfortunately.

I recall an episode of Northern Exposure. If you never saw the show, it was about people who live in a small town in Alaska. The main character was a radio personality, and it turned out that the local pilot dated him and his black stepbrother. The brothers acted alike, talked alike, had the same mannerisms, and, according to this pilot, kissed alike. The whole episode was them trying to discover what made them different. Of course, to the audience, the skin color was the obvious answer, but not to them. That show did it right. What caused our collective focus on what makes us different? What we need is a big shot of colorblindness to focus instead on a person’s inner character.

But I am hopeful. One thing I have learned in life is that there are solutions, and I believe that all people are good deep down inside. It is proven to me daily as I provide mental health and substance evaluations for the courts. People who walk in may look drastically different than me, but as we sit down to talk, the differences fade away, and what remains are two people trying to interact and get along.

Let’s face it: not all people get along, and that is okay. What do we do about the differences? And the differences pertain to relationships, politics, religion, and even ball teams that you would never support. When the differences present themselves, there is an opportunity to learn about the other person’s point of view. Seek to understand before being understood. Who knows—you may actually learn something.

The unfortunate thing is that many in the public want to fight back. Since we are all the same, it is as if they are fighting themselves, and that is sad. We normally treat people the way we treat ourselves, and that harsh treatment shows they are not in a good place within. To improve relationships with others, the focus is on improving yourself. Now, how to improve ourselves is what therapy is all about. If you want to improve your social interactions, start at home by doing proper self-care.

In school, it really hit me that we are all the same. As therapists, we are trained to be neutral, and there is no right or wrong, but only learning. When we see ourselves as all being in the same family of man and woman, it helps us understand that we are all trying to do the best we can. According to karma, what you put out in the world will return to you. Violence attracts more violence. Peace will attract more peace.

I also ask people, instead of complaining, to do something. Take positive action. And since I did grow up in the 1960s, there were two schools of thought for societal change. Martin Luther King wanted peaceful protests and to be non-aggressive. Malcolm X was more into civil disobedience. Both worked, but which works more effectively?

Mother Teresa had a visit to Phoenix, Arizona, in the 1970s and went on the radio to advertise her efforts in the community. The next day, there was a scheduled march against the Vietnam War. The radio person asked if she was going to attend the march against the war. She told him no, but if there was a march for peace, she would be there.

I am a follower of the psychologist Carl Rogers, who headed the Encounter Group movement of the 1960s and beyond. He brought warring people together and helped them talk, figure things out, and make new bonds. This happened in the late 1970s when Israel and Egypt met with him at Camp David and, after three weeks, found a lasting peace. Up to that time, they had been warring for 3,000 years!

I must apologize for talking about my beliefs. However, I am human and carry with me the movement of the 1960s, where there was free love, peace, and civil rights improvements. Hey, we share this world—can’t we try and get along? In doing so, I have learned that we are not that different.

My first couple’s counseling session was with a gay couple. They were also from different races. Believe it or not, they suffered from the same issues as any other couple: lack of communication, keeping secrets, making assumptions, and using bullying tactics to get their way. The good news was they were there to improve their relationship because of one thing—they loved each other.

Abraham Maslow created a Hierarchy of Needs model, which stated we needed to satisfy our physical needs, like food, housing, and water, before moving up the scale to safety and belonging needs. Do we have the ability to move further up his scale if we feel unsafe?

Here is the important point of this article: we are all the same. We all have fears, sadness, and all the other emotions. We therapists, are no different. We also have our own issues and need to go through therapy. I guess we are stuck with each other and are in this life together. If upset—therapist or regular person—take care of it. Our upset happens for one reason: to learn from it, grow from it, heal from it, and make yourself a better person. Of course, people will get lazy and hope that it goes away. Maybe it will, but most of the time, things need to be processed through by talking to someone who cares.

I am a believer in making the change we want to see in others. In order to have peace in the world, you need to be at peace internally. Do we fight evil with evil? Mother Teresa didn’t believe that was so. Evil breeds more and more evil. What if we focused, like Carl Rogers did, on mutual respect and care? But will people who got hurt be willing to do so? Back in the day, Israel and Egypt did, but at the time, they were ready to work on finding a solution to the madness that was thrust upon them for generations.