I work with college interns as a supervisor and teach them the various tools of the trade. I stress going to individual counseling because as a client enters treatment, they bring with them their unresolved issues. If we have that same unresolved issue, the person will trigger us and we can either lecture, abandon, or debate with them. Therefore, the depth of therapy will only go as deep as the counselor’s work on themselves.

Is this article only on counseling? Not only. People don’t always need a therapist. Learning counseling tools is important and many who read self-help books can learn enough tools to make them happy. The real aim of this article is to present practical tools, not normally found in self-help books and to recommend including somebody else to support your efforts. Often people make a good start but fail to stay the course – long term with themselves. Counselors are there to support you through the growth process because hopefully, they have gone through it themselves.

I am biased. I believe that the best psychology approaches use an empty chair for clients to have conversations with. No, the chair doesn’t talk back to you, but you switch from one chair to another and give a voice to the person or subpersonality you are working with at the time. Sound crazy? Well, not to those who have studied and used the approach. Look, emotions have a language all their own and when you learn how to be fluent in empty chairing, then processing through unresolved emotional issues from your past can be a breeze.

There I was getting ready to finally address a long-held trauma regarding my dad abusing me when I was barely four years old. “Imagine your father is in the empty chair. What would you like to tell him,” said my fellow student acting as the counselor. My body physically shook. I wanted to rid myself of this trauma and had to trust that what our university was teaching us would work. So I went for it. I first spoke through a timid voice and soon it was yelling. My fellow students in the room didn’t seem to matter since they were all engaged in the very same work on their own stuff. I was crying, snot was running from my nose, and was spitting tears. That’s when the laughter started and I felt I was going mad. So now you know the importance of working with a trained therapist in using this approach. And yes, of all the approaches I have learned, Gestalt empty chair work is by far, the greatest approach out there for deep-seated emotional wounds.

On the whole, most therapists will try to take the easier path and hang out on the mental level. This can be of great help to 90% of the people out there, but for deeply wounded problems from the past, you cannot think your way out of them, nor push them down and make believe they aren’t there. If you want to truly heal, put on your snorkel and fins and get ready to do some deep-sea diving.

Now, do I prescribe this type of treatment for everybody? The answer is no. There are a lot of grounding exercises that need to be accomplished beforehand to create your emotional foundation. Inner Child work is the first stage. This is you creating a loving relationship with the younger part of you that went through difficulty. This can actually be accomplished through play. Allow your opposite hand to represent your younger self and your dominant hand to represent the current you. Draw, throw a ball, play with a doll, put on makeup, brush your teeth. For myself, I used to climb trees because as a child that was all I did. And in doing all the above, I began to build self-trust.

I ask a client to talk about a current reaction they have had to another person, then ride it back to the root, and then talk with the younger part of them that went through that situation with loving kindness. “When love is applied to hurt, we heal,” is the model of healing with Spiritual Psychology. It is a belief that love heals. It is the only healing model in psychology – that I know. And it isn’t illegal, immoral, or fattening. Well, it can be if your inner child always wants to eat ice cream.  

Applying love to hurt? Sounds like some new-age propaganda slogan that the hippies must have come up with. Well, maybe not the hippies but if I think about it, maybe it is from the Beatles, because while growing up that was all they sang about. 

Scientifically, love is the most powerful healing force in the universe. It gives life. In graduate school, we were trained to surround ourselves with love as we counseled others. The self-help books I write convey information and the logic of this or that approach. Now, when a person is working with a counselor, in person, that is more intimate. Emotional work takes place here, and with all the love, acknowledgment, and praise that we flood onto a person, it allows the healing to flow.

When love is applied to hurt, we heal. Has been an incredible tool for me to turn to. You wouldn’t believe the stories and situations I have been through in the 30 years I have been in this field. Are we able to really apply love to our hurt? Of course, we can. We love our family and friends, or sometimes a random person, but those are our own feelings. Nobody is putting them there. If we have these loving feelings why not turn them inwards toward our wounds? To be frank, I would do anything for the younger me who suffered. Wouldn’t you?

To get the emotions up and out that have caused you problems, try these tools:

1. Opposite-Hand Writing.

Have a conversation on paper with the younger part inside of you that went through a difficult situation. Your dominant hand will represent the current you and your opposite hand will represent your younger (wounded) self. Remember that when love is applied to hurt we heal.

2. Letter Writing

Sometimes the best healing comes from expressing your true feelings to a person. It is easier for me to write out a letter to a person that hurt me and then rip it up or burn it.

3. Free-Form Writing.

Write out what is bothering you in detail. Let these words flow and then rip it up and/or burn it. Release these feelings and avoid re-reading them.

For more tools or if you have questions, go to our website or give us a call. We are here to help.