Every psychological approach has its own theory of healing and it is important to ask a perspective counselor on theirs. As for me, I am old school, and like the face-to-face sessions, avoid talking about the weather and politics and try to get people to open up a dialogue regarding the difficulties, traumas, and frustrations in life, then track them back to where they stem from and create a relationship with that younger part in them. With Spiritual Psychology, the belief is when love is applied to hurt, we heal.

This targeted treatment has helped me heal a wide variety of people, from the homeless, to world-renowned mega stars because we all have one thing in common – we are human beings that have emotions. Now how we treat that woundedness will either heal or insight us to riot. Applying anger to our hurt only breeds more anger – look at the current state of this country and the world. The breeding of hate only creates more hate. The Beatles got it right in singing “All You Need Is Love” because love is the most powerful force on earth. Doesn’t it create life?

When love is applied to hurt, we heal has been my motto as a therapist for 30 years. What does this mean? Slogans are thrown around this world and people know the words but not the specifics. When I was a child and scraped my knee, I would rush to mommy and she would kiss it and everything got better. In a sense, this is how to heal, not through mommy, but through us being that mommy to ourselves.

How do you give love to a child? You would think that is easy to answer. Of course, you give them kisses and hugs, tell them how wonderful they are, spend time with them, and make them laugh. Many who suffered neglect or abuse have had poor models or no models of love. So, with this type of individual, it is important for me to be gentle, be the new mom, and model love and care. This is why play therapy is so effective with children – and let me add children of all ages because even the elderly can let their inner child out and have some fun. My grandmother sure did so to the point of me telling her to grow up. Of course, she said only one word to me – “Never”.

Allow a pillow to represent the youngest part of you and give it hugs, and kisses, and tell the pillow you how wonderful they are. “When love is applied to hurt, we heal.” Starting this love-turned-inward approach to healing has benefits. Number one, it shows you that you are willing to take the time to care for yourself. Have you ever done so? Don’t you think it is time to do so? Second, our relationships are a reflection of how we are with ourselves. You’ve been living life backward when you try to manipulate people into loving you, care for them first, and tire yourself. What percentage of the time are you taking care of yourself? Be honest. Some care for everyone first, then at the end of the day are too tired to care for their most basic needs. So, as you care for yourself, you have more stamina and more joy for others. The third advantage is learning about who you really are. For so many they try to please others, change themselves to fit in, go with the flow to keep the peace, and lose themselves in the process. Many who seek treatment confess to not knowing who they are, nor their purpose or direction in life, and don’t believe they deserve the best things in life because people are more important than them. Sound familiar?

Who are you? What makes you happy? What is this life all about? This sounded like me when I first started to address my issues in therapy. I was a drug addict, on the street, who threw away friends and family because they wouldn’t treat me nicely. All the while I was treating myself like a piece of shit. My first step was getting off all the drugs, getting a job, and going back to school in order to get some kind of degree because those people who followed that path seemed more put together than I was.

I learned to “re-parent myself,” where I became the new mom and dad to me. Sounds weird? On some strange level, I ate this up. I had fun with my younger self and found myself playing a game of catch with my younger self by tossing a tennis ball against a wall, catching it with my opposite hand – and I’d praise. “Good catch younger me.” Then with the opposite hand, I’d toss it back. “Good throw – you’re a great baseball player.” Soon I was swinging on the swings in the park, climbing trees, and doing things like coloring with crayons – using my other hand, or playing a board game adult against kid. In no time I began to feel less anxious in public because my focus changed from trying to feel safe around others to being goofy and talking about childish things with my younger self.