Charity’s leaving is pushing on the death of my stepfather. Since I was 4 years old he was in my life. At that time he pulled me aside and said that since I already had a father, how about us being best friends? Well, it wasn’t too long before he was and remained the number one influence in my life. I can honestly say I have grown to be a lot like him. He was always upbeat, loved strangers, and often talked to them as they passed by on the street or in the booth next to us as we ate at a restaurant. What made me cringe as a child, had my daughter cringing and I repeated this as our family ate out. My stepfather, larger than life sure went out in a whimper.

For the last 6 years of his life, he felt that he had nothing to live for once his vision and hearing went. He was simply existing and living this way was no life at all, so he tried to end his life numerous times. I understood, no more reading, listening to audiobooks, or the music he loved, he couldn’t watch TV and yell at the political candidates he hated the most. Like watching my grandmother’s breathing apparatus breathe for her in the end, I wished that California had a dying with dignity law so that both of them could have avoided the undo suffering and given the option to die.  

It’s weird having 3 out of 4 of your parents dead and my grandparents and the elders who taught me about life. Looking back I met some amazing people including a man who created the “Get High on Life Program” and taught self-esteem to kids in the inner city, a man who coached little league baseball and basketball to children for 50 years and was a joy to behold, not to mention the scholars and advisors that helped me on my path – I was so fortunate.

Each morning our group will do a peace meditation and give mental hugs to people we love. Often those hugs will be given to the people who have made their transition just to honor them and send my love. 3 minutes is not enough time for the amount of people who were close to me that are now no more. Charity’s leaving has been stirring this pot within me.

Almost ten years ago I moved up here where life was just opening up to me. I, for so long, was a worker bee and worked for the county of Los Angeles, many organizations, and private businessmen, I threatened that one day I’d be my own boss, but didn’t know how. All I knew was I believed that I could do things better, but unfortunately lacked the confidence or even the experience to do so, so I felt these dreams fading until the opportunity to move up here came to me.  

In July, Basic Steps Mental Health turned 7 years old. What was once ahead of me is now my day-to-day life. 600-plus people have gone in and out of our doors, and with it, there is a lot of loss. We get close to those we serve and we take pride in their triumphs, pull together and try to figure out what took place in our defeats, and have tried to refine our approach week in and week out. We want to make sure that we do our best to turn a frown upside down (corny saying but true).  There has been a lot of recovery and healing at our facility that it is almost anticipated. Some days all I want to do is pinch myself and hope it isn’t some kind of dream. Business ownership has been quite a roller coaster ride. In fact, Covid was a key turning point for us all. You either sank or swam as we turned our attention to Skype and then Zoom for sessions. I fought like a baby against it, but Charity gave me that, “You’re an idiot look,” and business turned around from that moment on and I actually feel comfortable in those sessions, today.

Charity I am going to miss your laughter and pranks, and keeping me young. You and I had some incredible challenges and met them all with dignity, resolve, and at times laughter. So for the next 8 days let’s do some musical recording to please your husband, goof around with your kids, and maybe take in another baseball game where maybe, just maybe, the Mariners will actually win.

And Charity, I’ll leave you with a little story about a recent trip I took to Miami when I stayed with a friend for a few days before going on a cruise. It was a beautiful day, it might have been in the high 90s and I took a long walk as my friend finished up some business, and found myself walking down a waterway and saw the Miami Dolphins swimming by, and then the clouds started to form, and then some winds. I was at least two miles from my friend’s place and began to walk with a purpose. When the rain hit, it wasn’t the typical Seattle rain, but fat rain and I mean FAT RAIN! I was being pelted and saw sheets of rain splashing all around me as I made it inside. I said one thing to my friend – “Pool”! We darted to his pool and suddenly the lightning hit. And with it thunder!

Someone from his building yelled at us to get out of the pool. But it felt so perfect in it. The air and water were the same temperature and I felt so invigorated and so alive. Reluctantly, we exited the pool and dried off.

Charity. This is going to be your daily experience. Hot humid weather, quickly changing to hurricane conditions, and people yelling at you to get out of the pool. I’ll take the weather up here anytime.