Relapse – A Slip in Reasoning

Since 1994 I entered this industry in hopes of making some sort of impact. My first internship was at Tarzana Treatment Center in southern California, a 12 Step facility that housed over 100 people. It taught a combination of the 12 Steps and what they termed “I.T.” or industrial therapy. Industrial therapy was basically having the clients mop, clean, cook, and serve the meals. If clients were fortunate, they could work up to being an Elder where they could organize the workers and kick back in their own office, away from the suffering crowd. Tarzana believed that the combination of the 12-step groups and hard work would sober everyone up in 6 months however this was far from the case.  

After a few years of working there, I started to question the approach. I was new to the recovery industry and loved the fact that a lot of people were attending my groups, and I got to learn all the fancy 12-step phrases like “Easy Does It” or “One Step at a Time,” Yeah, everyone was learning slogans but were bypassing the deeper issues, as I learned later on in my graduate studies. All I knew was it was frustrating to see how frustrated everyone else was as they returned after relapsing.

The 12 steps were developed in the 1930s and had never had a facelift. It was not matching the needs of the 1995 lifestyle, unfortunately. What this did for me was urge me forward in my education to find some kind of cure that set the people who were struggling free.

From that moment on, I got two master’s degrees and eventually my doctorate, though my education didn’t stop there. Continuing education, seminars, and lectures, but I believe it was the practical field experience at a luxury residential treatment program in Malibu and working at a crisis center for 11 years that finally set me on a better course. A cookie-cutter approach didn’t work very well because people were so diverse. What was needed was for people to go through the schooling that I went through where we learned a counseling approach and practiced it on one another since everyone in our graduate school was healing!

The owner of a facility I worked for would blame relapse on clients not being ready to change. I think differently, if the approach doesn’t work, fix the approach. Suddenly I was the clinical director and owner of my own facility and refused to do this.

Why do people blame the victim? I was always curious about that. What I had to do was put myself back in the shoes of my younger self that struggled with substance use and managed to get out of it to live a functional life. It was plain to see that when I was healing, I needed support from others, simply because by myself I wasn’t held accountable. When people push one another, amazing things take place.

I ask you, what do people ultimately want? According to Wayne Dyer, they want to feel good. I’ll take it one step further and say that people want to be loved. If that isn’t happening, I know that I tried to numb out to that fact, feeling that I wasn’t worthy enough for love. What does this have to do with relapse? Everything. One thing that I learned in school was the real issue is how you are with yourself. If that relationship is good, then you are going to do good things for yourself. This wasn’t a part of the 12 Steps. If you relapsed, you had to walk the walk of shame and go up and get a newcomer chip. You also had to say your “I’m sorrys” to people that you may have harmed in your using. F that. (Pardon my French) The person that I did the most harm to was myself. I needed to forgive myself, learn from the situation, and focus on what I wanted to make out of this gift of life.

 

 

Treatment suddenly became one of education and love of the person that is willing to put in the effort to change and continue on with that fight. And don’t kid yourself. Changing a long-term habit isn’t anything easy. It takes real commitment to change your ways at first, but after that, recovery is more of a breeze. Putting this mindset into action my recovery rates increased. No, it is still not at 100% but I can at least go to sleep at night. Why is it not 100%? Obviously, I need to go through more seminars, continuing education, and learn more from the people I work with. Now I feel that treatment is a coming together of two people (or more) that are dedicated to solving this thing and it is achievable.

According to national statistics, 60% of people in their first year of recovery, relapse. With us, if someone has a relapse, we don’t shame them. Slips happen and the real issue is learning from it. I’d rather label a relapse a slip in reasoning and use it as an opportunity for people to learn more about themselves. The key to sobriety is learning to keep one’s head through the initial tests. Yes, it is a test because it will test your patience with yourself, your rationalizations, and the fire that burns to still use. Keeping one’s head during these times is the key to success.

I used to take it hard when someone relapsed. At my school, they just kept telling us it is just information and another opportunity to learn and grow from the experience. I had to let go of my attachment to “fixing them” and allow clients the dignity to figure this out on their own. All I can do is support, educate, and show my faith in their ability to get through it. Hey, I was there. I know all about recovery personally, and if I did it, in my altered way, I figure others could do it too.

I’ve always said that the people who have been there are the best guides. I found a way back onto my own two feet by performing comedy with friends and making a fool out of ourselves on stage. At the time I had to stop using so I could keep up with the quick banter of my friends. For my clients, we discover other things they could turn to in a crisis that is not addictive, fattening, or illegal.

What can a person do to avoid relapsing? The first thing is to learn to keep your head. Under stress, the mind will regress and not think logically. If this happens and you start rationalizing ways to use, stop immediately, go wash your face and hands, and drink water to flow these thoughts through you. Rationalize means rational lies and don’t listen to yourself. Wait a beat, breathe, and then ask yourself what are the other options. Here is where I believe our program thrives because we teach people a number of other tools to turn to that nourish the body, mind, emotions, and soul.

Now, is the 12-step approach useless? No, far from it. I feel that there is a big social aspect that can be obtained in meetings. Meetings can be found anytime and anywhere all over the world. I was even on a cruise and AA meetings were going on there! I personally like Smart Recovery because it is more psychological in nature. Still, having support while you stop an addictive habit is incredibly important.

Now, does everybody need to go through treatment? Not everyone but ask yourself if you have enough tools and support in your arsenal. I for one believe that treatment is great for everyone, even if you are healthy because there is a release in getting things off your chest and simply learning more about yourself at a deeper level helps us become more grounded in who we are. I guess that our program can be in line with the book, “The road less traveled”. That is because we explore our emotions by following them back in time to the root and create a relationship with the younger part inside that lived that experience. This work can be tough at first, so we ease into it, but in the end, it is inspiring and natural.

White-knuckled sobriety is simply using no tools, hoping the cravings will go away, and distracting yourself. This works when we are busy but late at night when the distractions go away, the pain begins to surface, and even our dreams can be affected. With white-knuckled sobriety comes frustration, rationalization, bargaining, and defeat.

Successful sobriety comes with exploring our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual self. If the focus is only on one, it puts the whole system out of balance. A good diet and exercise program, exchanging negative thoughts for positive ones, creating a loving relationship with self, and self-forgiveness are the bare-down basics but there is so much more to a treatment program that will fit your individual needs.

Lastly, treatment is not a bad thing. I look back on my own fondly and so do many that have gone through my programs. It has been a long ride to get to where I am now. Just wait, in 28 more years who knows what treatment at my facility will look like. So far so good.

Compassionate Care is Always Available

There are many more tools and strategies you can use in your pursuit of happiness. Here is where we come in. Contact us at Basic Steps Mental Health and let us support and educate you on this journey back to your loving heart center. Imagine living a heart-centered life, regardless of what is happening externally. We’d love to be of help.

For 25 years, Dr. Scott Alpert, the clinical director of Basic Steps Mental Health, has treated over 7,000 people with mental health and addiction problems, using a Psychological approach that mixes and matches ten of the top approaches used in the industry. We are here virtually and in-person to help you get through this COVID-19 pandemic and many other difficulties you may be experiencing.

May you have good mental health.