Getting Out of the Shadows

When I write mental health articles, I try to stay as neutral as possible. For therapists, we treat people that often have opposing viewpoints to our own, and for me personally, I learn so much from the other person’s point of view, which makes each day rich and an opportunity to search my own self for my rationale in taking certain positions. Often, I post the first draft of something I’ve written, but this article has been rewritten numerous times to get to the heart of the matter.  

If the world seems negative, then you are looking at the world negatively. The world is a reflection of how you are with yourself. Avoiding leaving the house and remaining in the safety of your home is a sign that your glass is half empty. In the extreme hiding at home leads to Agoraphobia and being literally shut-in. When we view it as bad, it leads to anxiety. When we view ourselves as negative it leads to depression and often substance use. Not to mention suicide.

We are living in a time of isolation. Taking an honest look at yourself, do you find yourself fearful, avoiding, angry, and using substances? When you use this as an opportunity to assess yourself down deep, it is called having “Insight”. If you tend to blame others, then it can be problematic and lead to violence. If you haven’t noticed, domestic violence, hate crimes, and murder have all been on the rise. Learning how to work through anger is needed in order for us as a society to survive.

We cannot control others. That is a fact. You can try but they have control over them while you have control over you. If somebody else is acting the way you don’t want them to, and you react, some internal house cleaning is in order.

Sigmund Freud in the early 1900s wrote about the duty of the EGO was to keep the mind safe from being threatened. Therefore, it created special “Rules” that must be adhered to by everybody, so we can be safe. When these rules are violated, we feel threatened and will do one of two things; fight or flee. Do you get upset and isolate yourself? Then your response is to flee. This isolation is a marker that you are avoiding the situation and often this behavior will result in more and more isolation and a feeling of being detached from the world.

When somebody does something that angers you, most likely they are breaking these rules and the rules need to be amended. When you watch the news how do you feel? Does something piss you off? Does this president or the last president upset you? More than likely they are breaking one of your internal rules. “Because everybody has to…” Does everybody have to? If you are so hell-bent on controlling the external world, it will lead to days filled with anger, isolation, thoughts, and even acts of revenge. When people upset you, you have the opportunity to highlight what is most upsetting and then discover the rule down deep in you that they broke.

To be honest, they didn’t upset you. You did. The situation happened, you put it through your mental filter, believed it was wrong, and then made the decision to react negatively. In doing this you have injured yourself. Chronic anger leads to physical ailments and illness.

But they murdered, raped, and did all sorts of horrible things. Maybe, but adding violence to violence doesn’t heal the situation. Communication does.

I recall the Rodney King violence that took place in South Central L.A. when I lived there. The police attacked this man and he was arrested, the town was up in arms because excess force was used (sound familiar) and riots soon broke out. One truck driver was pulled from his car, beaten by a mob, and was brain damaged, never to think clearly again. The man and his family made a statement to the main attacker in court, forgave him, and the man seemed to have a rebirth. Before the violence, communication is a key but not with loud crowds attacking others to make their point. True communication can be achieved through calm methods like what Carl Rogers proved in the 1960s with his encounter groups.

We are a society that is hiding. Hiding at home in front of the computer or T.V., hiding behind slogans and wanting to be right. We are hiding from our own truth and being swept into the opinions of others. We are hiding from our fears instead of working through them. When we hide from life, we remain stuck emotionally and developmentally. Hiding from the world we fail to learn and grow. Are you a viewer or a doer?  

It saddens me that children don’t have the fun, carefree days that I had. Drive-by birthday parties and graduations are sad – which is a judgment by myself. Forced to go through school in front of a computer screen and avoid play with others is a crime and can hamper their emotional development at a time when it is so important to spend time with others.  

Though it isn’t a time to socialize without protection. I have personally lost a lot of friends and family to the pandemic. And what about getting vaccinated? 38% of people have had at least one injection. Are more people going to be vaccinated or not? This has been the topic at my facility ever since the vaccine has been available. There isn’t a right or wrong answer, what is important is for each person to make their own, educated decision.

Can we make others do what we want them to do? Not at all. Oh, we’ve seen bullies around the world use force to manipulate their people, I am grateful our country hasn’t resorted to that. The real issue is protecting oneself through using the proper precautions. In healthcare, we need to mask up, wear gloves if we are dealing with blood and clean surfaces that are contaminated with bleach. So, I mask up, keep my hands clean and keep my distance. Eating at a restaurant is another issue but if I can stay at a distance then I feel confident and get to enjoy Patty’s Egg nest.

We are social beings. It is proven that interacting with others reduces depression, anxiety, and medical ailments. Well, that is unless you are interacting with people that are abrasive or abusive. Learning communication skills, moving away from the “I’m right and your wrong” mentality to having more heart-centered interactions is what this world needs as we move out of the shadows and back into humanity. Check your rules at the front desk and allow love to be front and center instead of judgments. It helps me to remember that people are always doing the best they know-how. I tend to have faith in mankind.

Compassionate Care is Always Available

There are many more tools and strategies you can use in your pursuit of happiness. Here is where we come in. Contact us at Basic Steps Mental Health and let us support and educate you on this journey back to your loving heart center. Imagine living a heart-centered life, regardless of what is happening externally. We’d love to be of help.

For 25 years, Dr. Scott Alpert, the clinical director of Basic Steps Mental Health, has treated over 7,000 people with mental health and addiction problems, using a Psychological approach that mixes and matches ten of the top approaches used in the industry.  We are here virtually and in person to help you get through this COVID-19 pandemic and many other difficulties you may be experiencing.

May you have good mental health.