Goal Setting

Rapunzel: “I’m afraid that my dream is going to come true tonight and then what?”

Ryder: “Well that’s the good thing because when you achieve your dream you get to create a new one.”

Here is some Disney wisdom to live by. Dreams are what make life so rich. Without you are faced with the same ol’ same ol’. Dreams, like goals, are essential because if you got into your car without a destination, then where would you go?  

I remember a time, long ago when I was writing my doctoral dissertation and I just had to get out of the house. I had been writing nonstop for days and felt all cooped up. When I got in my car, I hadn’t a clue about where to go. So, I simply headed out and drove my car in hopes of inspiration and after five minutes someone plowed into me.

In Brief Solution Therapy they have what is known as “The Miracle Question”. If some miracle took place, ultimately what would you like? Think about it. If all the blocks to what you wanted disappeared, what would you end up with? A new home, car, lover, job? It is the dreamers in life that experience the most.

I am reminded of a man, who as a teenager wrote out 100 things that he wanted to accomplish in life. He listed out sky diving, being a mayor, travel, etc. I believe the man lived well into his 90s and had maybe seven items left on that list!

Now back to you. What would you like to have if there was that miracle? Many people however feel that they don’t deserve to have what they want because they just don’t matter. I can remember this feeling with myself that played out in a personal growth seminar I attended thirty some odd years ago. (Yes, I have been working on myself for some time). In this training, there were 30 that were attending and because of the exercise, we had to pick four people to survive an accident and take the lifeboat, while the rest of us remained behind. I decided to kill myself off, because I felt inferior deep inside, and pick others instead. I learned that the self-sacrifice didn’t serve me one bit.

Why not go after your dream? It is a great question to ponder. Is it a fear that it will be taken away? A fear that because you received what you want others will be jealous? In that same training, I learned that “Playing Small” provides small results. Playing Big, well why not?

Carl Rogers, the innovator of the Person-Centered Therapy approach, maintained that people have all the resources within themselves to change for the better. We do have a hunger for more. Roberto Assagioli from Psychosynthesis in the 1910s broke away from Freud’s’ belief that man was motivated by sexual needs. Assagioli believed that man was motivated by the desire to be whole. When we are sick or have no money it is quite a motivator. Without food, we scramble into action (no pun intended). But at a crossroad with many options than what? What if we choose the wrong path? According to Spiritual Psychology, both paths are great, since whatever route you take, there will be opportunities for learning and growth. If we fail to act, we will be stuck there. It is by trial and error that we learn anyway. So, fail away, it is learning how to handle defeat that makes the person.  

“Don’t let the fear of striking out stop you.” Babe Ruth

Again, the miracle question: Let’s say that miracle took place and you achieved a dream? Picture yourself at that time period where this desire came true. Look around in this visualization. Use all your senses, what are you seeing, hearing, feeling, tasting, and smelling? Where are you? Who is with you? What is going on? In writing out a “Living Vision” will help you attract this into your life. It is as if all the doors that were closed to you obtaining this desire suddenly opened. This is referred to as The Law of Attraction as well. Why not obtain what you desire. Life isn’t about suffering, though many are convinced that it is. Where did this belief come from? We are to suffer? Why can’t we thrive? Are you really no good and need to be punished? For many, this belief stems from early childhood experiences and has been conditioned into us. “Johnny you are a bad boy and need to be beaten.” As an adult, Johnny now beats himself whenever he does anything he feels is wrong.

My first supervisor as an intern was Dr. Noah Young, God rest his soul. Noah sure had an impact on me. He advocated – treat yourself with kindness. In doing so we have more energy and more internal happiness needed to help others. Have you read the book, “The Giving Tree” by Shel Silverstein? In the story, a little boy befriends a tree and soon the tree is giving it limbs to play with and in the end, all the tree has left is just a stump. This is how we were trained, especially mothers. They give their all to their children and after the children leave the home, they are nowhere to be found. All the sacrificing, hard work and energy expended left them as that stump.

In caring for yourself first, you have more energy. This is crucial when raising children. But that is selfish – is a common response.  People aren’t supposed to love and care for themselves because others should. Here lays the fallacy. Have people cared for you 24/7? How often have they done so? This is your own job anyway. Why wait for the middle man, which only leads to upset when they aren’t there for you in your time of need. It is important to treat yourself the way you want them to treat you.

There is an interesting byproduct that takes place when you are kind to yourself, others will treat you with kindness too. Try it on for size. Fill your heart with love and from this place interact with another person. See if there is a difference in how they treat you. Spiritually speaking, this is how peace is created. For more peace in the world, be more at peace. For more love, be love.

Is love what you want? A relationship? A new job? Health? A great outcome in a legal matter? See it happen through visualization. Again, plop yourself into this imagined future. Next, open up a place inside of you that accepts it happening. We are more powerful than you know. Check out the movie “What the Bleep”, it shows how through Quantum Physics people are able to move matter!

Bottom line, are you happy with where you are in your life? Our past intentions bring us our current reality. Therefore, it follows that our current intentions can bring to us our dreams.

Compassionate Care is Always Available

There are many more tools and strategies you can use in your pursuit of happiness. Here is where we come in. Contact us at Basic Steps Mental Health and let us support and educate you on this journey back to your loving heart center. Imagine living a heart-centered life, regardless of what is happening externally. We’d love to be of help.

For 25 years, Dr. Scott Alpert, the clinical director of Basic Steps Mental Health, has treated over 7,000 people with mental health and addiction problems, using a Psychological approach that mixes and matches ten of the top approaches used in the industry.  We are here virtually and in-person to help you get through this COVID-19 pandemic and many other difficulties you may be experiencing.

May you have good mental health.