I figured going there to meet a potential girlfriend was good enough for me so eventually… okay, after four months and another friend calling me every day for two weeks to get me to enroll, I did. I don’t know how I made it through the first hour there. 120 people were in the room and talking about their feelings. Yuck! I was trying to avoid my own, but there I was, seated right next to the exit door for the quick escape and I counted the ticking of the clock every moment. This was sheer torture, but why were they having these incredible breakthroughs? Maybe because they were putting in the effort like I wasn’t.

Insight, the awakening heart seminar. All I remembered was some man seated next to me having the microphone handed to him and proclaiming he was gay. I knew it, everyone knew it, and now he had this amazing breakthrough experience in saying it to a crowd that began to cheer. I wasn’t going to stand up and tell people I was a loser who was finally sober for three months and was there to battle my anxiety. And no, I am not gay. I wanted the beautiful single women to line up to greet me after this seminar ended and what was it? Hour two?  

My friend Charles, the guy who called me every day for two weeks in a row, was assisting the seminar, and my comfort. You’ve seen his type, he was the guy who had a permanent smile on his face, like some used car salesman. Though I trusted Charles. We met when I was coaching Little League, lost touch when drugs became my best friend, and now were back together, as if, in his mind, everything was the same. Though it wasn’t for me. I was raw, more anxious, thought I was damaged, and all I wanted to do was sprint out for safety, but knew down deep I needed to remain.

Then it happened. I raised my hand to talk, and a concerned-looking woman walked over and handed me the microphone. If I thought I had anxiety in the past, it didn’t match this feeling. I felt like I was rocketing to the moon in sheer terror!

“I am Scott, I wanted to make some effort…” the words escaped me, so I handed the microphone back and quickly sat down, feeling two feet tall. What happened surprised me, they all stood up and cheered. What? I was shocked to tears and they cheered louder. In my failure, I was accepted. I wasn’t some star baseball player, I was just the frail me and they accepted me, flaws and all. At the end of the training, I was hugged by both women and men. I felt like I was accepted into a new family. Mine hadn’t accepted me back quite yet, but they did. This was exactly what I needed – just somebody to care. I left the training with my pockets filled with phone numbers of new friends, family, and a potential mate.

I attended the three-seminar series, got a girlfriend, was given my grandmother’s car after six months of sobriety, and suddenly, my real family was back—reveling in my using the car for my new vocation: being a pool cleaner. I finished my AA degree and began to perform musical comedy with Mike and a few other friends, but only to have my anxiety visit more often. Why did I challenge myself like this?

My anxiety chirped regularly until I attended graduate school. What I learned there changed my life forever and also the lives of the thousands that I have counseled. Spiritual Psychology became my way of life and I share this proudly with every person that enters my facility. Oh, and if you didn’t know, I actually became a doctor of clinical psychology. Probably the most unlikely person on this planet to be a doctor, don’t you think? But it is true.

I have put my anxiety to the test by working at the first Mental Health Urgent Care center, at a luxury treatment facility in Malibu, and at my own residential treatment center, which I modeled after what I learned at the master’s level. Yes, having a spiritual foundation helped my anxiety drop significantly, well that and processing through the abuse I went through as a young child. Today I can ride on elevators, fly on planes, be in large crowds, and face angry people similar to my father.

I was lucky. Many that have gone down the road I was on have not survived. I guess those who have been there and gotten through it become the best healers. I survived and wanted to help others like me who have not had any friends reach out and help them. I do.

When I made the decision to really work on myself, I tested myself. I remained in the room and that was HUGE!!! I could have run, and gone back to the substances but didn’t for one reason – I made the two-year commitment to myself and held to it. I sought out help, my friends emerged to give me the extra push when I needed it, and I fell into a loving community who are still there for me. 

If you remain stuck emotionally or physically, please, make the effort like me to change, and remain in the room. The anxiety will fade when you learn how to process through it.

I want to end this article on the hardest client I have ever had. She was admitted to my residential treatment facility, was brought in by family, and didn’t want to be there. She was 18 years old, had been living on the street, and was addicted to injectables. They wanted me to fix her so they could have their daughter back. At first, it was hard to get her to open up. In our individual sessions, you could hear a pin drop. I don’t pry, so I patiently waited. For two weeks it was like this in every session. Then she handed me a self-counseling she composed. You see, in my programs, I teach clients the same way they taught us in graduate school. We were taught 10 different psychology approaches and practiced them on one another where one student is the counselor and the other is the client. Eventually, the school had us all write out sessions. Well, this young lady blew my mind! Boy did she have a lot to process through and she did so all by herself! She was an incredible counselor and client! She handed me masterpiece after masterpiece which all demonstrated her mastery of the Spiritual Psychology approach. Not only did she heal, but she enrolled in school and graduated with a bachelor’s degree in English composition a few years later! Yes, people heal. And with her, she healed through her own efforts.