Then love ourselves? That is just wrong. The Golden Rule tells us to do unto others the way you want them to do unto you. Have you done unto others? Have they done back unto you? They didn’t do unto me. After realizing that all the goodness I was giving to them, I could simply give to myself, my attitude improved, and so did my health, and others around me seemed to also be in a lighter mood. That is because people will shift to where you are. Test this out in your life. Surround yourself in a loving mood before you go to work, meet with friends, interact with your partner, or visit your folks. This is actually an advanced counseling strategy that I used day in and day out at the crisis center for 11 years. We never knew who or what was going to walk into the clinic and we saw it all… well about 95% of the mental illnesses that are out there. Surrounded in compassion I wasn’t attacked, people had miraculous healings because I didn’t fear them or what they were going through, I simply had compassion because of my own history with depression, anxiety, and substance use. Hey, I got through it, and the people who have been there and gotten through it are the best teachers.

So, how are you with you? Do you even like you? Tragic but true, the majority of people I have treated hate themselves, blame themselves for things they did as a child, feel that they don’t deserve any goodness in their lives and others are more important. Shoot, in working with the homeless, it wasn’t uncommon to hear them talk about finding money on the ground and giving it to others because they wanted to make them feel good – and these people were dressed in rags, starving, and often had gone without a meal for days. When we punish ourselves, make others more important, and do without our basic needs it shows that the wounds we have suffered in our life are still unresolved.

We are always doing the best we can – given our life experiences and how we are feeling physically, mentally, and emotionally in that moment. We cannot do anything more. Give yourself a break. Tell that younger part of you that decided to act that certain way that you care about him or her and want to help them feel better. Then create some time to hang out with that younger self and demonstrate that you care about them through conversation or play. Is this Psychology? You bet it is! Real Psychology takes place at the root of what has caused you pain. It isn’t avoiding it but embracing it. This can now be looked upon as a stepping stone to the wonderful person you are now.  

Something went on in your past that wasn’t good. What have you done about it? Normally, people will avoid it by ignoring it happened – which is basically pushing it down into the subconscious mind, they will use substances to numb it out – and this can refer to pharmaceutical drugs, isolation, excessive exercise, or use of other distractions. The bad news is – the issue is still there, but is now covered up. The new Psychology is applying love to the hurt that went on in the past, learning from it, forgiving yourself, and re-growing up. All the covering up is not healing it. You can put a bandage and padding over a thorn on your side or simply pull the thorn out. You decide. Is it painful? Of course. Though the dull ache for decades can be cared for in one single yank!

Those who don’t want to heal will do something called “Woundology” and bond with others in their woundedness. Domestic violence, complaining about a coworker, or how your mother treated you feels good when you have companions that show they care. And yes, duking it out in a fight can be a bonding experience. Shoot, go to an AA meeting and hear the speaker talk about their bottom. Why not focus on the solution, instead?

I am sure I am going to hear it from the 12 Steppers out there, and hey, I worked in the 12 Step field for 6 years, saw the gaps, and the powers that be who didn’t want to improve the approach, so I moved on vowing to create my own treatment facility – which I did. My programs show people to avoid treating themselves like second-class citizens, and process through the underlying core issues, to discover the beautiful, loving, and caring person that is down deep. Though, this starts with you making the effort to heal yourself.  

Let’s face it, this country and parts of the world are sick. The eye for an eye thing only leads to more violence. Since we are all the same why would we fight ourselves? Who are the losers? The innocent, our children, our world? The only way we can change this trend is to start at home with ourselves. Take care of yourself first and then take care of others. Honor yourself and then honor others. There is still time for us to realize that the real problem is not outside of us but within. Take care of yourself before you start pointing out the problems in others. If you are sinless then start throwing stones. Without sin, you will see the beauty in yourself and others because we are all one. Then put down the stone and embrace your fellow man/woman.