I saw his point. I had been so conditioned by society to keep people alive to the last second, and not take into account whether they wanted this for themselves, or not. My dad tried to commit suicide 7 times, all in the last few years of his life because he was done. He lost his vision, and his hearing, and was just existing. The once vibrant man was not that way anymore and he had nothing left to live for, so what was the point? To stay alive for the family? While being miserable?  

“I see your point,” was all I said to Noah, as my mind tried to wrap around this new way of thinking.  

Years later, while working at the Mental Health Urgent Care Center, a man came into the unit who was psychotic, suicidal, and battling with the desire to live or die. He was at the end stage of AIDS, had sores all over his body, was delusional, manic, and had been out of medication for months. By all rights, he could have killed himself because his life was a living hell, but the will to remain alive was still so powerful within him that I watched him as he waged a battle – to live or to die. My heart went out to him.   

We did what we could do, gave him some medication so he could calm down and eventually, I placed him on a 5150 hold and got him transported to a local psychiatric hospital. At least he was off the street and had a bed to sleep on for the next few days. All that went through my brain were echoes of what Dr. Noah talked about, believing in a person’s right to choose.  

Do we give people the right to die? And especially dying with dignity? For people struggling at the end of their lives, can there be a special compensation to stop their suffering? Seeing people with mental health issues in their productive years, there is a big difference. I’ve treated these types who tried to kill themselves numerous times only to get the help they craved and went on to live happy and productive lives. All of them were incredibly grateful they decided to live, push through their personal hell, get help, and thrive.

I miss Dr. Noah. He passed away a decade ago and was the last person I saw before I drove up here from southern California. I made it a priority to pay homage to the man who had an incredible impact on me before I made the long trek away from my home to open up this practice. I learned from him to honor a person and let go of any agenda. Allowing people the dignity of making their own decisions, failing, but learning to get back up, is what human life is all about.  

I will leave with one story about a man, who went through my residential treatment program, back in 2014. Upon graduating from the program, he asked me if he could see the photograph we took of him when he first entered the program. I thought it was an odd request, but located his picture and handed it to him. After seeing it, he burst into tears. He told me that on that day, all he wanted to do was to kill himself. He had waited by the dock to be transported to the facility and obsessed about jumping in the water and drowning himself. This all changed when he went through the program, learned to love himself, and was grateful he remained alive.

When we learn the tools to process through our past hurt, improve our relationship with ourselves, and then share that love with others, well, in my book, that is true living.