Psychology is the science of relationships. Our relationships with ourselves mirror our relationships with others. Therefore, it is extremely important for us to have a good relationship within. To do so becomes quite an art form – from repeating positive affirmations, using self-appreciation, to setting intentions to be more positive can set you on the proper path to being more kind to yourself.

I often ask people if they love themselves. The knee-jerk reaction is to say yes, which is what I did when I started on the road less traveled, but when I really thought about it, my actions to myself were not that kind. You see I was a drug addict, turned to food excessively, and wanted to love myself but didn’t know how. The internal work on yourself is half of the picture, the other half is allowing other people in.

I recently took time off to travel down to San Diego and celebrate my mother’s 90^th birthday with family and friends. What struck me was for decades, we hadn’t always been that close. I went through a dark period where I threw my friends and family away when I was trying to discover who I was. Unfortunately, I tried to do so through the use of substances that tore at my body, mind, and soul. Eventually, this lifestyle left me homeless.   

Letting somebody in to help me through this difficult period was unheard of. I was stubborn and I wanted to figure things out on my own. Unfortunately, I couldn’t, and in one desperate move, I reached out to a sober friend who literally helped save my life.

I traveled down to San Diego to celebrate the life of my mother and then my friend Mike who helped me back onto my feet entered the room. Forty years ago he helped me on the track to recovery. This celebration had more of an impact on me because the two most influential people in my life were in the room. Let alone my sister Kim who is one of the stars of a fantasy book I wrote – “When am I?”

Addiction was my normal. I knew it was a bad habit, but like all habits, it was hard to get out of. The battle I waged against addiction was at first hopeless, I lost everything to it – my home, job, friends, and family. This was my bottom. I had to sober up to regain my sanity and some semblance of a normal life, so I mustered up all the strength I had and reached out to my friend Mike and upon him, his mother, and sister seeing me, allowed me to stay on their couch.

I was lucky. Many people don’t have this type of support. Normally people without support can find it in treatment facilities if they are lucky, but for me, an old friend and his family became the family I craved. Thus beginning my energetic family.

When I opened up my own residential treatment center 10 years ago, my intention was to create a family atmosphere that provided the love and support they gave me so participants could, on some level, obtain the needed love of support. In writing this article, it’s nice to look back and think about the initial days of sobriety. It’s been over 40 years and I am grateful every day. Back at that time, it was painful for me to admit I needed help, but after I did, I seemed to be flooded by support from other sober friends and then the fun began.

I began playing guitar, and another friend who was the guy who always got the group laughing wanted to record silly skits, and this was when the magic of my newfound sobriety hit. We put together a silly comedy tape, created a show, and began performing in front of live audiences. We started to get popular and began performing musical comedy in the shadow of the area where I was homeless. (See the book: Comedy by We Love Us), and soon got quite a following. Though I wasn’t out of the woods quite yet. I was still hurt, and anxious, and something inside of me wasn’t quite right. I began attending personal growth seminars to address the wounds deep inside of me that had roots in being abused as a young child.  

At this seminar, I obtained incredible support from staff, fellow participants, and the people who put on the training. Suddenly my energetic family grew exponentially! The guy who was alone against the world was suddenly surrounded by people who genuinely loved and adored him. Here I discovered that I wasn’t a total loser.

For those who feel lost, unworthy, and have no chance at all to improve themselves, think again. If I could do this, I am confident that others can, given the support, education, and of course, their willingness to keep pushing forward.

I have always had compassion for those who find themselves stuck in their life and feel that it is always going to be horrible. For 30 years my intention is to show people that they can improve because I did and I don’t view myself as someone extraordinary. I was hurt, anxious, and angry, and didn’t trust a soul. This melted away when my friend and his family gave me refuge and an open heart.  

Speeches were made at my mother’s party. I wrote a silly comedy song that my mother loved. She and I came full circle after I went through personal therapy and after a while, we let bygones be bygones and reestablished our bond. This was a celebration of our relationship coming full circle. We both learned a lot from our friction in my youth and today my mother is one of my best friends.

I didn’t share our struggles at the party, but how she is on the text group I have with friends during Dodger baseball games. Yes, at 90, my mother is still the biggest baseball fan around.

From no tribe to now one that is overflowing, it doesn’t matter if you are blood-related because both my youngest sister and nephew have been adopted but also my friend Mike and his mother and sister will always hold a special place in my heart.  

Throughout my 30 years in the industry, I have met a lot of people who are now in that same spot I was in when I was addicted and filled with shame. When they reached out to me I felt honored and tried to pass that forward and become a wounded person’s initial energetic family. Is there more I can do?

I often wonder about how I can connect people and form alliances, which meant so much to me. The seminars were incredible and I miss them dearly. Personal growth seminars were the craze in the 1990s in Los Angeles but I haven’t heard about them up here in the Everett area.

As I’ve been writing, I’ve pondered putting on my own seminar. A month before the outbreak of Covid in 2020 I created a seminar, only to have it shut down due to the quarantine. I was trained on how to create seminars and of course, this aided in my creating the IOP and PHP programs at Basic Steps Mental Health. Well, COVID is now over and people are starting to come out of hiding. A seminar, especially, a seminar up here in the Pacific Northwest would help clients who lack social support create one.  

Let me know if this would interest you. For a personal growth seminar to be successful, at least 40 people are needed, which means my renting out a seminar hall for a weekend. I have a few tricks up my sleeve and can keep someone’s interest for 2 ½ days. It was a magical time attending the personal growth trainings and finding loved ones in the process. It helped me climb out of my pit, open up to love and support, and helped establish new friends. If this calls to you, please drop me a line.