Managing Withdrawals

After writing three books, back-to-back, I have to admit that I am going through withdrawals. It isn’t as severe as when I was coming off drugs in 1981, but still, they are withdrawal symptoms nonetheless. It struck me that I go through this same process when I am dieting. Is everything in life an addiction? Okay, if I have to confess, I may be addicted to the little games I play on my phone. I do crave them, especially when bored and waiting for someone to show up. Here I get similar cravings, the yearning for that old familiar release when I engage in the habit, and once I start, I can’t stop. All these thoughts came out when I missed hanging out with the characters in my book series.

I don’t know how actors do it. They live a character for a few months during filming and then they are expected to turn and walk away. I read how Heath Ledger, after playing the Joker in one of the Batman movies, ended up killing himself, because the role wouldn’t go away. No, I don’t have any suicidal ideation about the characters that I created in my head refusing to go away. What is funny is last night my mom texted me, who just began reading the series, and commented about how much she loves two of the characters.  

Stopping an addictive habit takes effort, and part of me believes it takes a village. Doing it solo can be difficult. With every nerve in your body wanting to use, what is it that stops a person from giving in and using once more? I learned to not indulge my rationalizing (rational lies) mind at one point, realizing that just a little taste was going to lead me down a path that I never wanted to return to again. For me it wasn’t the village that kept me sober, it was my commitment to myself. I really was done, no matter how great it made me feel. Though, was that really the issue?

When I stopped using, I didn’t like it anymore. It was just something I did. It was my normal. I’d wake up and smoke something, take some pill, snort some lines as the day went on and when I was high, it didn’t satisfy me, I just wanted more. It was as if the enjoyment was just in the doing because as the day wore on, I was miserable. Did that stop me? No! It was almost like a divine intervention that ultimately stopped me. I lost my job, my car threw a rod, so it was Mr. Bicycle from then on. When I soon lost my home, I ended up in Hollywood and sleeping on the street. Use? How? I didn’t have the money, and then, not even the desire. So for me, stopping my substance use seemed natural. Did I want to use? Of course I did. I loved it, I thought. I had to bargain with myself to take two years, be sober, get my life back in order, and then decide if I wanted to continue. I knew in five months that I would never partake again.

 

 

For many, the decision to stop using comes in different forms – health problems, marital issues, legal issues, or drug testing for a better job. Whatever the stimulus is, you still have to grunt it out even if you went through the best detox facility around and have amazing medication to stabilize your body. Bottom line, it comes down to you and whether you stop or not. And don’t give me that, I’ll stop for a little while crap. I’ve been there myself. If I stop my parents will get off my back echoed in my head for a long time. You either stop or don’t. Playing around with it when you know you have an issue with using is only fooling yourself. What I can say is when I made that decision to stop and got into sobriety for a few months, everything was returning to me – my mind, my health, my humor, my old friends, my motivation, I got a job, six months later had a car, opened up a business with friends, and was even performing comedy live in the area I used to sleep at night on the street. If you want a good read check out “Acid for the Children” by Flea. He is the bass player for the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Now that is a great story about changing your life for the better.

As a therapist, I am helpless in making people change and if I had the power, I wouldn’t use it. This may seem odd, but when I did it myself, I was really proud that I faced something so huge and triumphed. Shoot, I don’t even drink coffee now, and in the Seattle area? Still, if something is easily obtained it isn’t appreciated one bit. Growing up we were poor for a long time, then my parents started to become more successful. The poor upbringing helps me appreciate everything I have, especially my sobriety. I earned that baby. As a therapist, I share tools, my encouragement, and help people laugh a little bit because that was what got me through a lot of it, and do some house cleaning on myself. Again, I can’t do this for them, the individuals must put their own back into it.

My ultimate healing took place in school. When I began studying psychology, at the graduate level, we practiced our skills on each other and I went through four years of deep counseling there. That’s when all the underlying issues were teased out and I found a cool guy underneath all of the wreckage I created. Do I regret my past? Not one bit. My using was a step I needed to go through to find myself. As a result, I am able to assist others on their healing path.

So yes, I miss the characters in my books. Though to me that addiction isn’t immoral, fattening, or illegal, it still is an addiction. I don’t miss my substance use one bit. Been there, done that, and sold the t-shirts, too (which is another story). I am fortunate. Last tally I have counseled over 10,000 people in my 28 years in the industry. Laying on the street in Hollywood, I had no clue this would become my fate.

Compassionate Care is Always Available

There are many more tools and strategies you can use in your pursuit of happiness. Here is where we come in. Contact us at Basic Steps Mental Health and let us support and educate you on this journey back to your loving heart center. Imagine living a heart-centered life, regardless of what is happening externally. We’d love to be of help.

For 25 years, Dr. Scott Alpert, the clinical director of Basic Steps Mental Health, has treated over 7,000 people with mental health and addiction problems, using a Psychological approach that mixes and matches ten of the top approaches used in the industry. We are here virtually and in-person to help you get through this COVID-19 pandemic and many other difficulties you may be experiencing.

May you have good mental health.