Relationship with You

Our relationships reflect back to our relationship with ourselves. This is what Sigmund Freud wrote about in the 1890s. He coined the term “Projections”. Since the film projector just came out, he could see somebody projecting all of their negativity onto another person – the screen. My dad always said, “When you point your finger at someone, three fingers are pointing back to you.”

If you spot it you got it and why would you spend your time trying to spot the faults in others in the first place? If you are, then guess how you are with you? Yes, it really is this easy.

If you are in a foul mood, you are choosing it. You may make believe that the other person is “making you feel how you are”, but in all actuality an event takes place, it goes into your filter, you decide if it is right or wrong, and then you react. It is interesting what our filter does. Or, more precisely how we choose to view things.

To be honest, we are in a relationship with ourself. When something happens and we react negatively, that is how we generally are within. The opposite is also true. If somebody does something and we feel joy, they are getting us in touch with our inner joy. You see, we have all these feelings already wired into us. We ultimately choose how we react in a flash of a second or less. If your gut reaction is to be angry, then ask yourself, why did anger show up?

This self-assessment takes some practice. Being exposed to an article like this will give you a clue of the dynamics at play but being in charge of our reactions takes some self-monitoring. It isn’t bad that you are having a reaction, get that out of your head. Our reactions are our alerting system that something inside is troubled. Spiritual Psychology believes that underneath the anger is hurt. Our anger is our instant shield from the pain we have experienced before. When anger shows up, something underneath stirred, then it is our duty to explore it, process through it, and heal. If we are spending our time pointing out how others are hurting us, we fail to look within and will fail to learn, grow, and heal.

 

 

Granted, there are some mean things that people will do to each other. This still doesn’t mean we can’t use this as an opportunity to heal an old hurt. As you begin to work on yourself, every problem can be seen as a blessing for potential healing and growth.

Now, you don’t need to seek out problems and incite a riot to heal. The world has enough negativity already. Healing can be as simple as writing out current feelings of frustration and seeing where that leads you.

There are many avenues to healing and since each person is unique, it is important to use the tools you already have to explore an issue.

Years ago, I used to write songs or create poetry to creatively express my complex feelings. This helped me process my issues, back in the day. What about you? I have seen people dance out their worry, sing it out, walk it off, and draw it out. Opposite hand play is one format in which you allow your other hand to represent your younger self and maybe go bowling with your opposite hand to let your younger self have expression. This is the newest psychology that gets into the trenches of developmental wounds.

Now, if you have been wounded as a child, often we carry those wounds into our current relationships, so processing through the upset as it surfaces will be the key to remaining centered and upbeat with your partner. We can only bring ourselves into the relationship. If you are changing yourself to please another, these relationships die off hard. But, if you are good with yourself and often find yourself laughing at your thoughts and you bring this into a relationship, that relationship will thrive.

We look forward to helping you in your healing process.

Compassionate Care is Always Available

There are many more tools and strategies you can use in your pursuit of happiness. Here is where we come in. Contact us at Basic Steps Mental Health and let us support and educate you on this journey back to your loving heart center. Imagine living a heart-centered life, regardless of what is happening externally. We’d love to be of help.

For 25 years, Dr. Scott Alpert, the clinical director of Basic Steps Mental Health, has treated over 7,000 people with mental health and addiction problems, using a Psychological approach that mixes and matches ten of the top approaches used in the industry.  We are here virtually and in-person to help you get through this COVID-19 pandemic and many other difficulties you may be experiencing.

May you have good mental health.