When You’re Down

I’ve written a lot of articles in my career and when I drew a blank today I grabbed a box of Kleenex. In grad school, whenever we were blocked, we knew that something really important would come to the surface. And whalla it did. I was fooling around with a friend recently and they said, “When you are down people kick you.”

Have you ever heard that phrase, “When you are down they will kick you?” Well then, what happens when you are up? Nobody ever talks about that. Oh, we know too well that the focus in our society is on the worst thing that can happen, but have you ever pondered the best case? This refocus to being more positively focused is clinically called a paradigm shift. In musical terms, it is referred to as accentuating the positive.

When we focus on the worst thing, what happens? Of course the worst thing. Hasn’t that happened to you? This is referred to as creating Future Negative Fantasies. When we ponder the worst thing, our emotions kick into gear, it feels like that unwanted thing is happening, and then we have a panic attack. Ever experience one of those? If we are going to fantasize about something why not focus on the best-case scenario?   

I chuckle as I write this because years ago my comedy group grabbed ahold of this subject and raked it over the coals. Instead of the saying “All hell broke loose”, we would say, “All heaven broke loose.” We would watch audiences squirm because it is so far away from the norm. But this is how we are socialized in today’s society. We are used to being negative, don’t trust the positive, and even make fun of the people who do.

When we are up? What a silly concept. It may feel like you have never been up, and it would be impossible to do so. Many people don’t trust up because they are so used to the down that they believe that they are feeling good now, but soon it will come crashing down. And I will add on, then people will kick you. Tired of being kicked?

 

In our groups, I often challenge people about if they really want to change. Dysfunctional living has it perks. Many people get their needs met when they make themselves sick. Number one you find out who really cares for you and number two, you might get free housing and your bills paid. So why change? Being down has its rewards so why put in the effort?

When you are down it impairs the immune system, makes us weaker, and definitely not happy. When we are happy it is proven that our bodies heal and the aging process will slow down. Look at me, I’m 124 years old. Well, at least I get a chuckle from my group when I say that. Anyway, the point is, when we are up we are healthier.

When we are up people don’t kick us, they love us. They go up with us. Well, that is if they allow themselves to be up. I’ve met a few people that are married to their depression. It is their identity, and nobody can make them change. This is when I back off. My intention is to allow people to be how they want. If they choose the down, it is their choice because they must be getting something out of it. Therefore, my belief is that up is a choice.

When people walk into a room you can feel them. Not physically of course but you can pick up on their energy. Oh, you know when mister grumpy comes walking in. Even Saturday Night Live kidded about Debbie Downer. We feel people because we are emotional beings. You may disagree but consider this: On paper is your mate just like you, have the same interests and deals with problems the same way? It is a fact that opposites attract. If we were to connect with somebody exactly like us it sure would be boring. Viva la difference! Differences add spice to relationships. So logically it may not work on paper but emotionally the passion wins out.

When we’re up, can be a pipe dream. What if you have never experienced the up? You might think that is impossible to find anybody like that, but there are a lot of people out there that have had difficulties lifelong. And change to them will become a slow process at first. But there is hope.

To be up you have to practice up. Surrounding yourself with good thoughts and practicing kind actions to yourself and others is key. Interacting with up people is also important. Exchanging habitual negative thoughts with more positive thoughts also works great. What brings you up? The fresh air, nature, holding hands with someone you care about? Come up with a list of the things that bring you up and then do them. You know what might happen? All heaven will break loose.

Compassionate Care is Always Available

There are many more tools and strategies you can use in your pursuit of happiness. Here is where we come in. Contact us at Basic Steps Mental Health and let us support and educate you on this journey back to your loving heart center. Imagine living a heart-centered life, regardless of what is happening externally. We’d love to be of help.

For 25 years, Dr. Scott Alpert, the clinical director of Basic Steps Mental Health, has treated over 7,000 people with mental health and addiction problems, using a Psychological approach that mixes and matches ten of the top approaches used in the industry.  We are here virtually and in-person to help you get through this COVID-19 pandemic and many other difficulties you may be experiencing.

May you have good mental health.