Kissing the Boo Boo – Self Help

The aim of this organization is to teach people the skills to help themselves. At Basic Steps Mental Health, we understand that we cannot fix anybody, that that isn’t our job, the real fixing comes from each person. However, without the proper tools and mindset, any tools learned will fail.

In the book “Self Helping” by myself, I step a person through many tools that help us on four levels: Physically, Mentally, Emotionally, and Spiritually. If we were to focus on only one level, the rest of us would become out of balance and lead to a fall. How to tend to each level takes practice, commitment, and a desire to change.

Beyond all the tools and approaches discussed in the book, to heal we must believe we simply can. This can be tricky because our whole self gets accustomed to being sick, addicted, and a failure. It is almost as if a person has to bargain with themselves before taking the initial steps towards healing. Many people have said that if they were to put their all into something, and it failed, that it would prove to them that they were a total loser, so why try? In response to that, break the healing down into incremental steps. Yes, it would be almost impossible to just get up and run a marathon. However, you can go for a fifteen-minute walk, which is a good start.

A good start is all we ask. And the best way to start is to jot down your goals. What is it you want? I remember going to a personal growth seminar years ago. Yes, I confess, at one time in my life I was a seminar junkie. In this seminar, one person sat in front of you and repeated the statement, “WHAT DO YOU WANT!” over and over again. After a while, all sorts of aspirations burst out from within. It was life-changing. At the time, I just wanted to be happy, and cope with what life had to offer. Well, we can do this, but what about passion?

I had a conversation years ago with my workmate – who happened to be the top Psychiatrist in California. At this crisis center, we worked side by side and treated some of the toughest cases you can imagine. I didn’t see it all there, but after 7,000 people I had my fair share of challenges. Anyway, we began to talk one day about life and what made it meaningful. Of course, I talked about love, being mister relationship. Well, he talked about passion as what drives him. This man had a fine house in Beverly Hills, his own exotic car business where he rented out amazing cars to the studios and to famous stars. He dated top people in entertainment, was a male model, designed clothing, I mean in the dictionary, his picture is next to the word passion. Without passion and the desire to achieve, we remain where we are at.

So what do you desire? What is your passion? Are you willing to jot down an incremental action plan to get it?

If we fail to plan, we plan to fail – Benjamin Franklin

Once you have a vision of what you want and believe you can obtain it, next comes the proving part of the journey. This doesn’t mean proving something to others, it means proving something to yourself. Are you willing to commit to the effort? When things are going good it is easy to stay with something. When things get tough are you still willing to step through your plan of action? Here is where you begin to show something to yourself. Are you willing to go the distance or quit on yourself as so many other people have? Here is where the rubber meets the road.

In being a therapist, it is incredible to see the efforts of people in their own self-care. I can’t heal them, all I can do is love them. This is an interesting statement, but it is true. In practicing Spiritual Psychology, we believe that “Love applied to hurt creates healing”. You won’t find this out of any other psychology approach. But how true is it? When I was young and fell down, scraping my knee, my mom used to kiss my boo boo. That sure helped me feel better. In a sense, my job is to help people kiss their own boo boo.

I’m sure if Dr. Phil read this article he would laugh. But love heals. I’ve seen it in action at the crisis center, in my own Outpatient Clinic, and in my own life. When I love myself, take care of my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs, I thrive. It as if I am showering my whole being with kisses. Is this narcissistic? Or Selfish? No. I am not only caring for myself to ignoring the needs of others. I am caring for myself so I can care for the needs of others. If I am not loving me, how can I love you?

Oh, there are more steps involved in self-help. Learning the tools to use is a key, learning the mindset and structure of healing is important, however, one avenue must be avoided at all costs – trying to understand why. This can lead you down a rabbit hole that leads to nowhere. Can we totally discover why we are the way we are? What works better is simply go after the healing. Make the incremental steps, especially when things are difficult, and stay on the course.

Compassionate Care is Always Available

There are many more tools and strategies you can use in your pursuit of happiness. Here is where we come in. Contact us at Basic Steps Mental Health and let us support and educate you on this journey back to your loving heart center. Imagine living a heart-centered life, regardless of what is happening externally. We’d love to be of help.

For 25 years, Dr. Scott Alpert, the clinical director of Basic Steps Mental Health, has treated over 7,000 people with mental health and addiction problems, using a Psychological approach that mixes and matches ten of the top approaches used in the industry.  We are here virtually and in-person to help you get through this COVID-19 pandemic and many other difficulties you may be experiencing.

May you have good mental health.