Forced to Take Care of Myself

I am under the weather. Does the weather cast an evil spell, if so it got me. My body is a good guide to how I am treating myself and obviously, it is telling me to improve my efforts greatly. Oh, I kid myself believing that I get the exercise and proper diet each day, but deep down I know it is a lie. I love fast food and there are times I simply don’t work out. Now my lying to myself has shown up and my body is pissed at me.  

Disease or dis ease. It is obvious that I haven’t been at ease with myself. This has been a stressful time in opening a new office, having the Department of Health inspect the new facility, audit my charts and policies, and approve of this new location. This together with moving and seeing clients throughout the process, has literally got me on my back. I came into this field because of my own past, the abuse I suffered, the substances I used and almost 40 years of sobriety and tons of therapy have helped, but life has gone on. Currently, I have treated over 8,000 people. Burn out? Probably so my body is forcing me to slow down and smell the Green Tea I have been pounding.  

I forgot that when times are really stressful to slow down and utilize proper self-care. I wasn’t honest with myself in this area and only going through the motions. When people are stressed, their immune system is compromised physically, but emotionally people tend to regress to younger age stages where they suffered trauma. You might think out of sight, out of mind, but it is still in your mind and it is called “unfinished business”. Oh, I’ve processed and processed and processed again my early childhood traumas, but this time period has been different because of all the recent loss. I have lost four dear people to me in the last two months. Just when I think the rash of deaths stop, another one shows up.

Regression seems to be the running theme for me recently. It isn’t the bad memories that are now coming to the surface, it is the good ones. Yes, all of these people I’ve lost were close to me and even though I realize that dealing with death is a part of life, I am still human and have feelings. I think that the amount of hurt I feel is equal to the amount of love that I shared with a person. So now my body is sick, wants to take a time out, and is rejecting the over-the-counter treatments I have been using. Impatient, the old me has shown up and I’ve been overusing these remedies.

For the last few days, I have just been flushing out my system, mostly with water. It has actually helped greatly, but boy am I hungry. On to the bone broth and other gentle foods later today but you can honestly see that the lack of self-care has reminded me once again to make myself the number one priority.  

I asked my professor in graduate school, when do all our issues heal. At the time I had been working on myself for five years. You would think at some point the issues would just be gone. He stated, “we see Earth as a school, problems are the curriculum of life, and we are done when we graduate.” Yeah, not what I expected. So today, I am still entrenched in life’s curriculum. Did I say I was hungry and want to have a Whopper? Anyway, back to the basics. The Whopper is just going to have to wait.

I went back to my old routine. Doing my Tai Chi, meditating, and even started to listen to music again. I had been on an audiobook binge for years but started to play my old-time classics. The only problem is now songs won’t get out of my head! My real key is relaxation. As a massage therapist in one of my former jobs, I’ve learned the value of relaxing the body so the blood can move into the intricate places that need it the most. I have been relaxing my ears, nose, and throat with great success.  One problem keeps cropping up – I have been pushing myself to get better. I feel great one day, eat junk, push myself on hikes, and later that evening am sick all over again. I’ve had a series of setbacks. Am I that stupid?  I am learning to be patient and remain gentle and easy on myself until this is totally behind me.

So there I was, four days ago, feeling good, eating rice and soup, that evening only to wake up at 5:00 am and the world was spinning. I hadn’t had an attack on Vertigo for years. I didn’t realize that the sudden cold spell that afternoon had hit me so hard. Thank God. And by the way, why are you testing me?

Yes, God and I have this constant battle, but I love Him and I think he loves me… Yes, I’m sure of it… I think.

After a few days of spinning, thank you God, my world is solid once again. If you’ve ever had Vertigo, it isn’t much fun – to say the least. You should have seen me driving to work that day. It felt like I was in a video game.

Physician heals thy self, is a phrase that keeps popping up in my head. The move is over, the license approved, continue to allow yourself to mourn, the business is running well, so relax and smell the Vicks VapoRub.

Question: What do you do when you are stuck at home and used to going out and about for years? I am tired of binge-watching, even my favorite sport baseball has so many rule changes that they can end an inning with only two outs! What happened to my world? Everyone is leaving! You can’t even go out to the movies! As you see, I am still reverting back to a frustrated two-year-old, but I embrace it. I’ve gone through this enough to know how to ride it out and know it is going to happen again, so I embrace my own madness.

I’ve learned that my biggest component of healing is the mental game. My mind will shift into scenarios of my having Covid or cancer and I keep needing to nurture the wounded self underneath the surface that panics. This young guy has been through a lot. Not all bad. We’ve had some amazing adventures together and I don’t think he wants them to end quite yet. So, half of the time I am assuming that part of me that we are doing well and as I do a physical inventory on my body I have seen great improvements.

As you see, I treat myself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Though I tend to hang out in the emotional realm because I have found the most results there. When we are anxious it inhibits the body from healing. When we flood our body with joy feelings our immunity improves and so does our health. This becomes quite a challenge when the body feels like it is spinning.

This body has 63 years on it and has taken me on one adventure after another. I love that it is still in good working order. Now to get it into great working order is the task at hand.

Compassionate Care is Always Available

There are many more tools and strategies you can use in your pursuit of happiness. Here is where we come in. Contact us at Basic Steps Mental Health and let us support and educate you on this journey back to your loving heart center. Imagine living a heart-centered life, regardless of what is happening externally. We’d love to be of help.

For 25 years, Dr. Scott Alpert, the clinical director of Basic Steps Mental Health, has treated over 7,000 people with mental health and addiction problems, using a Psychological approach that mixes and matches ten of the top approaches used in the industry.  We are here virtually and in-person to help you get through this COVID-19 pandemic and many other difficulties you may be experiencing.

May you have good mental health.