Teaching the Old Dog New Tricks

When I was in graduate school, they asked us to create our own theory of healing. With 200 plus students, you can only imagine the responses. I didn’t take it seriously, wanted to be my silly self and took in my life-sized stuffed bear as a prop. Luckily my fellow students were kind as I sang out The Bear Necessities of Healing. Twenty-some odd years later I have thought in depth about this ever since. The ultimate question is… “How do people heal?”

I had been peddling an approach that is extremely effective. It takes into account the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual dimensions of a person. Therefore, all efforts were teaching those four elements, helping clients learn the “Self-Counseling” tool in which they become their own counselor, and thought this did the trick. I figured a lot of knowledge is important to help a person process through their anger, anxiety, and depression. This article isn’t putting down this at all, but there was one more element I was doing automatically but didn’t teach the tool because I didn’t think it was a tool, to begin with.

I fell into another pitfall, I tried to cram in all the information I could as quickly as I could because many people have budget constraints and could only attend a few sessions. In these sessions I worked like a whirling dervish, counseling at the speed of light. No wonder I crashed hard on the weekends, giving everyone every ounce of energy that I had. Still, this approach had good results, but it wasn’t the “It” that I was searching for.

When I entered this industry in 1994 I couldn’t believe the psychological processes that regular therapists were using. I would sit in on process groups and see the therapist point to a chart with various faces and clients were asked to point at their mood state. What was that? In school, we counseled each other, worked on what was present, rode it back to the past original wound, and interacted with that part of us that went through the difficulty. It was compassionate work when you process through a troubled part inside of yourself and why weren’t any of the therapists I met using this approach. In fact, when I talked to them about it, they were taken back. From that moment on I dedicated my life to showing everybody, including professionals, which I have treated a lot, how to address the underlying core wound inside.

Recently I had an Ah-Ha moment during a session. The client had a lot to talk about and I didn’t have the time to interject the little tools that would help the person out, I thought, though I was considerate enough to let the person voice what was important to them and after the hour was over they couldn’t thank me enough. But I didn’t do anything, I thought, or did I?

One of the models of Spiritual Psychology is: “When Love is applied to Hurt, we Heal”. I was caring throughout the whole session and suddenly it clicked in. “When I care about somebody, I mean am really there for them in the session, healing takes place! What insight! This takes huge pressure off me in trying to control the session. Suddenly my focus is totally different. In the groups, I don’t push an agenda or have a time limit. If the group needs to talk, let them talk. If we go over in time, then so be it. If the prepared subject doesn’t seem right, then change things up and go with what presents itself.

Suddenly I was out of the box of my own making. Instead of guidelines for the group, I had preferences, and if the session was going in another direction, then go with it. Is it more important to do it my way? What is most important is for me to care about each person I interact with.

So this moderately young dog can learn new tricks – I choose to refrain from calling myself old. I am not going to be 63 years old, I am going to be 63 years young.

What is my new theory?

I guess I would call it Love Therapy – which is funny because the Psychiatrist I worked with for ten years at the Mental Health Urgent Care Center named it. He said, “There goes Scott, doing his love therapy.” Well, Dr. J. I agree with you.

So, the Love Therapy approach is:

1. Take in a deep breath, exhale, and center myself in my loving heart.
2. Explore what is on their mind and their emotions.
3. Use the tools that are appropriate in that moment (moving away any agenda)
4. Praise the person for their effort and insights
5. Help the client use Self-Forgiveness to let go of their self-judgment.

This is so easy. My last theory took up two pages.

I forget that Psychology is not an exact science, even though professionals in this industry would like to believe it is. I to get down, get anxious, and experience no motivation and when I am down it is important for me to have somebody to simply listen. From here on my intention is to allow somebody to communicate fully. In doing so, recently people have asked what they should do. This just seems more natural.

I am reminded of something my Grandmother told me when she was in her 90s. She said, “Dear, I don’t give anybody advise, but when they ask me a question, I do my best to give them the answer.”

Compassionate Care is Always Available

There are many more tools and strategies you can use in your pursuit of happiness. Here is where we come in. Contact us at Basic Steps Mental Health and let us support and educate you on this journey back to your loving heart center. Imagine living a heart-centered life, regardless of what is happening externally. We’d love to be of help.

For 25 years, Dr. Scott Alpert, the clinical director of Basic Steps Mental Health, has treated over 7,000 people with mental health and addiction problems, using a Psychological approach that mixes and matches ten of the top approaches used in the industry.  We are here virtually and in-person to help you get through this COVID-19 pandemic and many other difficulties you may be experiencing.

May you have good mental health.