If You Are a New Counselor

This article is written for people just starting out in the helping profession. My passion is teaching students and graduates the fine art of counseling. I simply want to pass on the knowledge. Right off the bat, I want to extend a thank you to all people who want to make a positive change in this world. My advice is for you to put aside all the tools and procedures you’ve been taught and simply care about the person who is seated in front of you. In doing just this, you will probably be better than 80% of the counselors out there. Bottom line, love heals.   

Since 2006 I have been training interns on how to counsel. This started at the Mental Health Urgent Care in Long Beach California, where we literally saw 20,000 people each year. The majority of these people were in acute crisis and in desperate need of stabilization. Where else but train interns on how to quickly stabilize somebody? I was fortunate to teach students from some of the top Universities in Southern California on doing just that. I have to admit that the atmosphere at this facility was intense at times, so the interns had to learn fast how to remain centered. But we as a staff joked around a lot and kept ourselves loose, which would be another fun article to write about.

Using Spiritual Psychology in the trenches is amazing, awe inspiring, and many of the students told me that in the first hour there they learned more about psychology than their five years of studies!

There are some great books to read about creating an initial bond with a client. Pay close attention to books written by Carl Rogers and his Person-Centered Therapy approach. What is important to understand that if you don’t make a connection with the client, treatment tends to fail. Carl Rodgers was an advocate of heart centered listening and not giving advice.

You cannot fake a connection with others. The clients aren’t your friends and therapy isn’t bonding through trading stories. Learn to listen with an open heart, put yourself into their shoes, regardless of what they talk about it is meaningful to them and was difficult to go through. If you find it hard to genuinely open your heart to what a person is talking about, now your school is in session. This is what is called countertransference. You literally are either being triggered or numb to what is being said because you have the same issue deep inside of you. School being in session means it is time for you to process this out.

It is so important for people in the helping profession to go through therapy. Especially when you are first getting established in this industry. At the University of Santa Monica, where I received my Masters’ degree in Counseling Psychology, all we did was counsel each other. The premise was, if we were out of balance, we would be of no help to others. So, for four years I went through so much counseling I was searching for more issues to deal with. Counseling to me is awesome because I want this stuff inside of me resolved, life is more functional and more peaceful as a result.

I remember when I first began to supervise interns at the Mental Health Urgent Care and trying to train one intern from USC, who was absolutely brilliant. He knew all the symptoms, dynamics, and even taught me a thing or two, but he couldn’t relate to the client at all. Contrast this to the most incredible counselor I worked with in Malibu at a luxury Treatment facility. No, this guy didn’t have any degree, his job was basically to support the clients with transportation and help around the facility with cooking and what not. Now Iraj was the most kind and loving soul I ever met. Even when we met I was taken by how genuinely loving he was. Who would I entrust my own care to? The honor student or him? Well, that is a no brainer – Iraj was amazing. In the midst of a panic attack, Iraj rushed over to this woman and just adored her. This is therapy. This is how to help others heal. When love is applied to hurt, we heal.  

Your own self care is extremely important. In order for you to help others you need to be in balance yourself. Again, go to therapy, but self-care also involves you taking care of your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs. Sitting all day is not healthy for you. Stay active, have friends.

The Inner Counselor

A way to keep yourself centered in the midst of a counseling session is using the “Inner Counselor”. The inner counselor or I.C. is your internal counselor to use on yourself while you are in a session with others. If you feel triggered, talk with the I.C.

For example:

Counselor (inwardly): “This person is dealing with the same shit I’m dealing with at home. I just want to tell them what I do.”

I.C.: “Be silent. They aren’t you. They will find their own solutions.”

Yep, it crops up again and again for myself – trying to give advice. Please avoid advising people because they are living their life and not your life. When people find their own solutions they become empowered. It is your job to facilitate that.

Now, if their information is uncomfortable for you to listen to, well, to be honest, this is part of the job. Here is where the real art of a therapist comes into being. Many people need to purge. Lots of the information they tell you, they have held onto for years. Can you imagine that amount of torture? It is so loving for you to allow people to simply release. Help them talk about this as long as they can. If they cry, don’t give them a tissue, allow their tears to flow. Please, don’t be the one that stops their flow. Just grab ahold of yourself and give yourself a hug if it bothers you.

When things get difficult to hear, repeat the phrase: “God bless you, I love you” in your mind. This will fade down the troublesome information that another person is telling you and allow you to continue to keep your heart open to them no matter what they are talking about. And trust me, you will hear a lot and it is okay to have feelings and cry. Yes, I am known for my tears and embrace them. We are Human Beings and not robots. Tears are healthy.

The overall key is to allow the client to dominate the session. It is their dime and if you are working harder than them, simply stop. Ask them “What is Present?” If nothing is there, recap what you heard them talk about to get them sparked once again.

I guess counseling can be considered a listening profession. If you are listening with an open heart then you are amazing at this craft and will be throughout your new career.

Great luck in this profession. Get ready for an incredible roller coaster ride that will teach you a lot about life and about yourself. Overall, have fun with your Inner Counselor.

Compassionate Care is Always Available

There are many more tools and strategies you can use in your pursuit of happiness. Here is where we come in. Contact us at Basic Steps Mental Health and let us support and educate you on this journey back to your loving heart center. Imagine living a heart-centered life, regardless of what is happening externally. We’d love to be of help.

For 25 years, Dr. Scott Alpert, the clinical director of Basic Steps Mental Health, has treated over 7,000 people with mental health and addiction problems, using a Psychological approach that mixes and matches ten of the top approaches used in the industry.  We are here virtually and in-person to help you get through this COVID-19 pandemic and many other difficulties you may be experiencing.

May you have good mental health.