“What’s the point?” said a client to me the other day. How about you? How many times have you felt like giving up? I have found that people with a history of things not going their way assume that everything in their life will go bad. But this doesn’t have to be the case.

What is the point? Life may come down to this question: Do you give up, or do you keep pushing forward? This is what Viktor Frankl wrote about in his book, Man’s Search for Meaning. In this book, he recounted the experiences he went through in a concentration camp in Germany during WWII. He noted that when somebody believed they wouldn’t survive, they didn’t. But those who had a goal, a desire, or something to live for survived. This was the same philosophy of Dr. Bernie Siegel, whose book Love, Medicine, and Miracles discussed how he worked with clients with inoperable cancer by having them voice a purpose in their life, and he had phenomenal success.

Bottom line: We are alive—now what? Do you choose to give up, or do you keep pushing forward? And yes, we actually have a choice. We choose to quit, and we choose to keep going. Things might have failed 1,000 times before. The pessimist will say they have no hope; the optimist feels there is always an opportunity. What if it takes one more push? And yes, I have heard all of the excuses—I am too old, too sick, too stupid, too poor, I have this dark cloud above me, or nobody has ever supported me. I am sure you can add more to this list. You can rationalize why things won’t work for you, which we call rational lies. “If you think you can, if you think you cannot, you’re right.” —Henry Ford

For many people, it boils down to their physical body. Just because they have fatigue, pain, and illness doesn’t mean they can’t improve. It has been proven that when we have positive thoughts, the brain secretes neuropeptides that enhance our immune system, improve our digestion, slow down the aging process, and make us stronger. This was all I worked on with the Little League teams I coached. The happier the team, the better they played. We were silly, did fun little cheers, never put the other team down, and always applauded their great plays. The kids understood it and saw it happen consistently. If you want something with all your heart, you can obtain it.

Then how do you get started? Many say they are so down they can’t get started. Just start. That is all you need to do. What is holding you back? The computer, the TV, the phone. Then turn them off, take in a deep breath, and get on your feet. We ask people to care for themselves on four levels: physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. The first step is to get your body moving. Next, jot down a simple plan of action and break big projects down into simple, incremental steps. You don’t need to do something amazing; just do something. Emotionally, praise your efforts. “Good job, me.” Rewarded behaviors are often repeated. And spiritually, center yourself in your loving heart and lovingly go after your day, praising the efforts of your mind, body, and emotions.

 A major part of self-improvement is your relationship with yourself. If you keep being negative with yourself, it will zap your energy. Why are you continuing to do so? Out of habit? Because others told you you were bad? “My mother told me I would amount to nothing.” Was your mother perfect? Was she God? People normally treat people the same way they treat themselves. If your mother was negative toward you, she was probably negative toward herself. Letting go of the labels you have placed on yourself that limit your success and replacing them with positive labels may be the single element you need for success.

“How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.” In order to get through life’s difficulties, you need to break them down into incremental steps and praise yourself for every single step.

I was in the psychology industry for 25 years before I decided to open up my own clinic. The interesting thing was—I had just moved to Seattle and didn’t know a soul. I came up here to open a residential treatment program and had always worked under somebody, but now it was all up to me. I thought it would be easy opening up a clinic, but when it came to running a business, I was a lost boy. As I watched my investment dwindle to almost nothing, I called a friend and told him, “I can’t do this.” He told me two words: “You can’t?”

I knew what he was referring to—my attitude. He had struggled to open his dental practice but continued to push on. He knew I could do it. As for me, I was like a toddler taking his first steps, but I knew I just had to put one foot in front of the other, so that was what I did. This time, I knew I didn’t want my negativity to get in my way, so I kept visualizing that things would get better, and within a month, they did!

Dumbledore told Harry Potter, “Harry, there is going to be a time when you have to choose between what is easy and what is right.”

I know personally that sometimes we come to a point in life where we feel we have nothing left to give. But do we? Is our energy limited? In order to get more energy, we need to be more active. This has been proven to me over and over again. After I kayaked 12 miles, I had enough energy to go karaoke singing. For you, pause, take in a centering breath, and take one more step forward. Ponder this: that one step may bring you your dreams!

This is why I like psychology as a profession. In working with clients, real conversations take place. There are unique issues that people face, and instead of avoiding them, why not go into them and process through them? I know this can be scary for people who use strategies to avoid their innermost pain. Even discussing this can be very healing. I have a rule not to push people at all. If someone doesn’t want to talk about something, who am I to try to make them? When people are ready, they will talk about things. When they do, I praise them. It is an honor being around a person who is shedding the difficulties of their past.

Does change mean you have to deal with traumatic experiences? No, not really. Behavioral psychology believes that if we do the proper behaviors over and over again, we can achieve our dreams. Thus, the 12 Steps, Dr. Phil, and Tony Robbins. With spiritual psychology, we believe that emotional wounds are the key to healing because it is unfinished business that puts us on guard and limits our success in life.

Each level (physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually) has a number of tools and approaches to follow to process through the problems that keep you stuck. Sometimes we need the support of others. Alone, we can tolerate little stress. This is why group therapy is so effective. Alone, we can only go so far, but in a group, when we would naturally give up, the group is there to spur you on.

This support can be achieved from a counselor, a coach, a teacher, or a friend. Shoot, when I first went through treatment, it was at a personal growth training that emphasized creating a personal positive statement and repeating it 100 times a day. For the first week, it was easy and somewhat fun; then it started to feel like a burden. That’s when I called a friend I met at the training and asked if we could get together to say our statements to one another. Wouldn’t you know that we ended up yelling our statements at one another?

Why not go after what you want? If you have no dreams, take the time to jot down, if it were possible, what you want. “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.” —Unknown

I went through a seminar, and in one exercise, they paired people up and sat them in front of each other. One repeated the phrase, “What do you want? What do you want?” These words echoed through the facility. One friend realized he wanted to be an artist and changed his profession. Another friend blurted out that she wanted to be a flight attendant. What do you want?