Issues as a blessing? This seems flat-out wrong. How can the abuse you suffered be a positive? Well, actually we are capable of using every opportunity for our growth and learning if we choose, or do you want to hold onto the familiar limiting patterns that you are used to having?

I know all about abuse personally because I went through plenty of that as a child. The blessing was it led me on a course to heal myself and because of this, I have assisted countless others. I realize that at the time of the abuse, it didn’t feel good and was very traumatic, but learning to grab hold of my younger self and protect him to the best of my ability, he is no longer stuck there reliving the events again and again because my love applied to my younger self healed me.

So why do we continue to stuff our issues down and bless the people who have done us harm despite it not working? Spiritual Psychology believes that events in life happen for a reason. If we don’t face them they linger. When somebody in our life triggers the wound we have tried to protect, we are afforded a golden opportunity to heal and grow.

Imagine transporting yourself back in time to when someone abused you. If the older you told the person who just harmed you that this was okay (“I forgive you”), how would that make the younger you feel? If it was me, I’d be angry with my older self. This is not okay! As we forgive and forget, it tears at the part of us that suffered so long ago. In all actuality, the person we really need to forgive is ourselves for bypassing our own healing due to being lazy. Yes, I have done this too, you know. I tried to quicken the healing process by avoiding it, but that darn/pesky issue kept coming back. My laziness caused me more overall grief than simply addressing it properly from the start.

How do you heal depression? Talk with it, play with it, ask it what it needs, and follow through on the request. We cannot “out-think” an emotional wound, we need to “out-love” it.

Healing depression also takes a holistic approach. If you find yourself exhausted, with no desire to do anything, then get up! Move your physical body, hydrate, eat nutritious food, and at a minimum walk around for a half hour. Get your blood flowing. In doing so, you are demonstrating to yourself that you care. Monitor your thoughts and replace negatives with positives. This alone can improve your mood. In doing this, you are demonstrating to your mind that you care. Spiritually speaking, write out your vision of how you want to feel. If you write out, “I don’t want to be depressed,” the mind doesn’t hear the word “don’t” it hears, “I want to be depressed.” What is the opposite of depressed? Happy, maybe? Then write out “I want to be happy,” or more precisely – “My intention is to be happy.” Stating positive intentions throughout the day will give you a path to walk on – or should I say, a healing path to travel.

On the mental level, when you are depressed, ask yourself why am I down? What happened to cause this? It is not uncommon for depression to result from faulty thinking. If you are shoulding on yourself and others, it is a sign of illogical thinking. Negative thoughts are a big instigator of negative emotions. When you judge yourself or others, depression is the result. In focusing on others, you are avoiding yourself. We recommend allowing people to just be themselves. Who elected you dictator? We say: “Allow people the dignity of their own process.” On the flip side, allow yourself the dignity of focusing on yourself.

You can continue doing what you are doing and get the same results, or try something different. Releasing the depression and living a more upbeat lifestyle takes some practice. I know with my golf swing it wouldn’t take me one try to iron out all the glitches, since my body is used to mishitting the ball the same way for decades. Small incremental steps are all it takes. Supporting yourself on all levels: physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, helps too.

We had a recent client who believed if she got her husband and children to act the way she wanted, her problems would all go away. This type of thinking is illogical because we cannot control anybody. The only person we can control is ourselves, but getting out of trying to change through manipulating them can be developed through creating daily intentions. Changing our limiting thoughts and behaviors can be extremely successful in depression care. Why are these actions called limiting? Because they are illogical. When we try to manipulate others it only hinders both of us. Each of us is on our own path and in control of our own actions. Though, in healing ourselves, it is not uncommon for the people surrounding us to also heal. If you don’t like what they are doing, ride back this feeling to the core and do healing work on this time period in your life. 

I believe our number one method of living is emotionally based. You may think you are logical but honestly, take a look at your actions. Having that drink when upset is not healthy for you and often makes matters worse, but you drink. That’s not logical. Tolerating a friend who talks your ear off and never listens to what you say isn’t logical. But we try to numb out our emotions, make ourselves secondary, and would rather help out others first – before ourselves.  We were also taught by society – “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything.” We are dummied down and learned to hold in our thoughts and feelings. Communication issues are common in every couple’s session I have. Relationships are two people relating. Holding in your thoughts and feelings has a place if you don’t want to harm a relationship, but psychologically speaking there are many tools to use to process through your thoughts and feelings without inflicting harm on another person. Educate yourself on Empty Chair Gestalt Work, Aspect Work from Neuro-Linguistic Programming, and Psychosynthesis in their addressing conflicting aspects. All the above help you voice what is troubling you so you will be more free inside.  

When I feel depressed, the first thing I do is talk to the sad part of myself. I ask this part what I can do to make it feel better. And no, I don’t have a split personality, but many would argue that. What I do have is a great working relationship with my youngest self who suffered abuse so long ago. He alerts me when he is afraid and I am there in a flash giving that part of me my all. He gets depressed, I provide love, and both of us feel much happier in the end.

If you need to be stepped through this process, we are here to help. As the psychiatrist I worked with at the crisis center 15 years ago always said, “There goes Dr. Scott, doing his love therapy.”

Please honor your emotions and they will honor you.