The key to healing is looking at your whole self. We are physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. Most psychological approaches focus on the physical and mental. Well, unfortunately, we cannot think our way out of an emotional wound, we need to process through these wounds emotionally. If you suffer from anxiety, anger, and/or depression, there is something lying at the root of this that needs to be addressed in sometimes playful ways.

I ask people how they have handled problems. They will go to the gym, work out, have a better diet, not look at the things that cause them misery, tell people what not to talk about with them, and set limits. All of these avoid what makes us amazing – our emotional make-up. I’ll be honest with you, you can’t tink your way out of an emotional wound. Also, holding problems down and avoiding dealing with them has a way of biting you in the butt. Here’s something to try: Hold in your anger, and your tears, and don’t talk to anybody about what is frustrating you. Soon you will discover that after a short time period, doing this is pretty impossible. Embracing your feelings and working with them can be mastered and you will see how fun this type of healing work can be.   

I told somebody that your mommy got it right when she kissed your bo0 b0o. Healing actually does take place when you kiss your own bo0 b0o. I know, sounds pretty geeky, but getting to the root of the problem and embracing it can be all you need to heal wounds that may stem from your early childhood.

Emotional work is so raw and so freeing, and when we release all of those negative emotions, there is a freeing up of energy that is amazing! However, for people new to this type of treatment, it can seem terrifying at first. Shoot, back when I started to work on myself, I’d rather get drunk than face the abuse I suffered as a child. However, in the end, I realized that this way of thinking was only damaging myself. So I gathered up my courage, discovered that the pain wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, and began having some serious but heartfelt conversations with my 4-year-old self. Who knew that I would not only love this approach but look forward to it when I got home from work each evening? 

The first step in treating your emotional self is creating a self-bond through conversations and play. Opposite hand writing is a method you use to talk with your younger self. Allow your dominant hand to represent the current you, allow your opposite hand to represent your younger self, and write out a conversation on paper that is supportive and loving. When we write with our opposite hand, it is awkward and brings back the feelings we had when we were first learning to write. Bottom line it really feels like you are having a conversation with the younger you. Gestalt therapy believes that when you go through trauma and avoid going through the entire process from the start to the end, you have unfinished business. With opposite hand writing, you now have the opportunity to finish something that may have taken place when you were 5 years old. The great thing is, inner child work can be fun as I’ve mentioned before. If you were injured as a child, ask that younger child what play activity would be fun to do. Next, do it, allowing your younger self to toss the ball with the opposite hand or kick the ball with the opposite foot. There have been times when the last thing I wanted to do was talk about the difficult times I had as a child when there was a basketball in the corner just begging to be played with. Shoot hoops using your opposite hand and all the while communicate with that younger part of you that suffered. Different? You bet this approach is. Healing? There isn’t anything else better (well in my opinion).

When you use your opposite hand or foot, you are allowing your younger self to have expression. Bowling, climbing trees, and opposite hand drawing led me down an amazing path of self-discovery that aided greatly in my own healing. It also helped me to become a much better parent, suddenly having more compassion for my younger self. I had more compassion for what my child was going through.

I began to study Psychology to help others. I learned quickly that I am horrible at that. However, what I can do is heal myself, explain my process to others, and allow them the dignity to go down this path themselves if that is what they choose. The great news is, that I am right by their side every step of the way. This is why I teach clients counselor skills. Once empowered, it becomes a breeze to continue this endeavor on their own and continue to use the tools on themselves. 

The younger part of you isn’t only referring to your child self, it also refers to any age you have been wounded. If something happened a month or so ago, talk to that younger self and discover what would help that part inside of you feel better. Let me ask you this: How often do you tell others how they upset you? Some may say they do and others don’t. If you don’t, holding things in only pressurizes it.  Purge these feelings out, first by writing your frustration out and then ripping it up. Next, use opposite hand writing and converse with your younger self and ask them what they need from you to feel better. No middleman, you get to treat yourself. When your frustration is gone, now is the time to talk to that person who upset you – like a calm adult and – give them gentle feedback on why what they did was so upsetting. Next, just let it go. Since we cannot make people do anything, the mere fact that you said something in a kind method is basically the best thing you can do.    

I treated a high court judge who was quite a thinker. He entered treatment to work on his low self-worth. Overcompensation happens when people reach great positions of power to mask their low self-worth. Trust me, I’ve treated my fair share of famous people and many thought they were a fraud. The judge came up with a systems theory of healing that helped him greatly at the onset of therapy. For years he believed that sobriety would bring him peace but it only led to turmoil. Working on his inner peace, spurred on his sobriety, which resulted in him having more inner peace, which brought on even more sobriety, and soon he was spiraling upwards in ways that he never thought possible! He even sketched out something that looked like an upwards growing tornado to present his case. Mental in scope, it brought him the mental clarity he needed. But this was just the first small piece of the puzzle, but it is a piece. Emotional work for thinkers like him can be difficult at first, but who doesn’t like having fun? With one man, Karaoke singing did the trick!