Special Memory #10
In 2012 as the world worried about extinction, I took a gamble. Since my ten-year relationship just ended, I wanted to get out of Los Angeles and explore my horizons. Ultimately I took up an offer to open up a Residential Treatment Facility 1,000 miles away. Moving from my family, friends, and steady job was a gamble, but I decided to roll the dice and hoped it didn’t come up snake eyes.
As I packed up the last possessions and was about to drive away, the battle in my head began. My inner critic got activated and all the negatives started to play out in living color. I wasn’t good enough. I had no clue about business. I was turned down as the clinical director at my last job so why did I think I could do so now? I did have one thing that was going for me, my stubbornness. I managed to get myself off the street, get sober, go through college, and secure a doctorate in clinical psychology, so I knew I had the skills to counsel people, but that didn’t mean I could also run an organization.
The days driving up to my new opportunity were filled with, what is called, “Future Negative Fantasies.” The nights were dominated by self-counselings, where I literally counseled myself on paper. We teach this to participants in our Intensive Outpatient Program, and it always amazes me that in one month, people, who didn’t attend college, are able to be their own counselors.
Excitement, fear, overwhelm, and uncertainty all hit me at once as work at the treatment center began. I quickly discovered that the State of Washington wasn’t easy to please after their first inspection of the property. Now there were additions they needed and a long list of them. A fire sprinkler system topped my hate list. There were codes to adhere to when you are housing people for a month including fire protection, kitchen, bedding, handicap access, and medication protocols. I had to write out the policies and procedures regarding if this happens then I would do that, and these policies were longer than 10 of my doctoral dissertations! Would they ever license this facility? I wasn’t sure. Often I thought they wanted to see how much I could tolerate before they said, “Just kidding, we already sent your license in the mail a month ago.”
The property chosen was nestled onto a 64-acre ranch that was filled with rescue animals the locals wanted to put down, but the owners of the property I was renting from wanted to provide them a safe haven. I was given explicit instructions on how to care for them and soon, this guy from the city, who was used to body surfing, kayaking in the open ocean, playing softball, and being a comedian, was now a rancher? Something seemed very wrong, right from the start. Oh, the animals were nice, I guess, but why did they eat and poop so much? And why did I have to place their poop in a pile? I still don’t understand that one. If only I could install some sort of toilet for them. I saw dogs on YouTube doing their business that way, so why not a llama?
I watched my financial reserves almost vanish in the first six months of preparing the property. My big gamble would soon have me living out of my car like I did 25 years before. Addicted, homeless, jobless, and hopeless, I feared a repeat of that same situation. I couldn’t tell my friends or family I’d failed before the place even opened so I did what every person struggling with money does – I put it all on my credit cards. Yep, Daddy was going to spin that roulette wheel and win the big jackpot! Or at least I hoped. Unfortunately, there was a limit to my credit, and the property which hadn’t been properly cared for, for years, was in serious need of major upgrades before I would even consider entertaining clients. Instead of worrying about all this, I put my head down, set my positive intentions, and worked double time.
The State official I was working with informed me a month before the scheduled opening that my credentials lacked one item – a chemical dependency professional’s license. I wasn’t aware I needed it, but in order for me to become the clinical director, I needed to pass a test. Now the pressure was on. Shit. And in order for me to sit for the exam, they needed to have my work experience signed off. And of course, like the State of Washington always did, they rejected it. Why wouldn’t they make this easier? They told me the work experience I provided was twenty years old and they wanted the experience to be more recent. So, I had the Psychiatrist I worked with daily at the Mental Health Urgent Care Center, vow for me, and of course, the State person hemmed and hawed. They needed to see his credentials. This query was like asking Donald Trump if he had any experience in business ownership – or firing people. So, when I faxed over 5 continuous pages of the credentials of Dr. Rick Jenkins, the top Psychiatrist in California, who was the medical director of all the state psychiatric hospitals in California, they called me back in a flash to give their approval.
I don’t know about you, but when the reality of the situation hit me that I had a few weeks to study for an exam I had to pass because my whole career depended on it, I got a little anxious. Well, actually I got a lot anxious. Well, to be honest, I had a series of panic attacks!
So, I did what I did best, got the proper books, highlighted the important information, read it into my tape player, and listened to my notes over and over again. I did so while I split logs, scooped up shit, bailed hay, and burned the shit out of yard waste that was collected. Studying never felt so good.
By the way, if you are a student, try this technique, it helped me get all A’s in college. Yep, I could go kayaking in the ocean, hike, and go for long drives while studying for tests. There is only so much sitting this man can do.
When all the improvements on the property were approved and people had signed up and were heading to the facility, I drove down to the testing center to take the test of all tests. This was my Super Bowl and it was for all the stakes! My career, reputation, self-worth, and pride were riding on this single test. I had literally taken hundreds and hundreds of tests in my career but I was feeling the strain. I decided to turn off the recorder, drive in silence, and repeat my affirmation out loud – over and over again. “I am wise, smart, and at ease.” My words were trying to convince myself, but I kept at it. I know the ill effects of test anxiety and I was trying to will myself to be at my optimum. “I am wise, smart, and at ease.”
I pulled into an airport hangar where the test was being offered. I guessed that if I won this ultimate bet, I’d win the jackpot and would be whisked away to London with a new car! Well, at least I still had my humor left – hoping that was a good sign. In Los Angeles, after you completed a licensing test the computer will flash either congratulations or nice try dumb shit, we’ll see you in six months. When I finished the test two hours later, the screen just stated: Completed.
When I was a kid occasionally my parents would take me to Disneyland. The night before going was torture. I just couldn’t relax and go to sleep. This was how I felt as I continually called my contact at the State to see if I had passed. And then it happened. The representative two days before the doors opened gave me the nod and the facility was granted the state license! Hallelujah!
Was this a gamble? You bet it was, but I guess whenever you step out to do something extraordinary, with it comes risks.
As I look back upon this period it really seems magical. I never thought that I could run a facility. I always worked for other people and complained about how they handled situations, and now the only person I could complain about was myself. My oh my had times changed.
For 3 ½ years the facility thrived, but why was there so much relapsing after people were discharged? I have to admit that it hurt my pride. I just believed that all the information, that took me six years to learn in graduate school, could be downloaded into clients in one month. Boy was I wrong. Shoot, when I was in school it took me a year and a half before this stuff was ingrained in me. I had to rethink my plan and realized that the only proper solution was to open up an outpatient clinic so I could continually keep an eye on people.
This gamble paid off and from 2017 to the present, Basic Steps Mental Health has been doing quite well, treating people in the Everett / Mukilteo area and beyond on a regular basis. Relapse rates are down, success rates are up and all because I took a gamble, somehow aced a historic test, and am riding the tide of operating a successful business. Who knew?
Compassionate Care is Always Available
There are many more tools and strategies you can use in your pursuit of happiness. Here is where we come in. Contact us at Basic Steps Mental Health and let us support and educate you on this journey back to your loving heart center. Imagine living a heart-centered life, regardless of what is happening externally. We’d love to be of help.
For 25 years, Dr. Scott Alpert, the clinical director of Basic Steps Mental Health, has treated over 7,000 people with mental health and addiction problems, using a Psychological approach that mixes and matches ten of the top approaches used in the industry. We are here virtually and in-person to help you get through this COVID-19 pandemic and many other difficulties you may be experiencing.
May you have good mental health.
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