In taking a backseat with this client, realizing all he needed was someone to listen, he began to open up more and more. Soon I heard him talk about the troubles in his life that brought him into therapy. Since my first attempts at “trying to fix him” failed miserably, my inner battle was on during each visit. I always wanted to educate people on developmental psychology and how to address the hurt that lies underneath anger, but now I had this voice in my head telling me two words: “Shut up.” I was on internal lockdown and didn’t like it. I wanted to fix him, but the voice in my head told me no. Imagine how you would feel. You have all this knowledge that you know will help a person and they don’t want to hear it? Frustration doesn’t even come close to my feelings, but like a wounded dog, I put my tail between my legs, kicked back, and watched this man go over the same things again and again, with little or no resolution.   

Did he ever grow? Well, actually yes, and it wasn’t by my actions one bit. He would say something, look at my reaction, all I could do was show interest, and then he would continue with the same story, that I could probably recite by memory. Still, this man grew on me. And perhaps it was my acceptance of him that the real him suddenly popped out. It took a couple of years but I learned about the substance addiction he had hidden from me, and suddenly he began finding his own solutions.

I learned a huge lesson, that clients are customers and I needed to be sensitive to their needs. If anyone needed me to listen, I’d listen. People have the ability to find their own solutions and the mark of a good therapist is allowing them to do so. No glory needed, that was my old Ego trying to claim the victory. He talked his way through addiction and mood problems, and I patiently watched it unfold, right in front of me – which was amazing.

I face this battle inside my head from time to time. My will or thy will. If the old me wants to jump in and take control, but the seasoned part inside of me makes me stop, breathe, recenter, and follow my gut.  

In retrospect, I like when sessions go clunk. This makes me reassess myself and possibly learn, grow, and become a better person. Oh, you probably wouldn’t notice when I get triggered in a session, or that I am fully engaged with my Inner Counselor. At least my University was spot on when they taught us how to do this.

The key for any budding therapist is bonding with a client. This is when they feel comfortable with you and you them. In classic psychotherapy, bonding with a client is said to take 6 to 8 months. I sometimes see it immediately, but when I don’t, I have sessions in my head to discover ways on how to do so.

If you have never gone through therapy before, or if you are seasoned, it is important to understand that counseling can be seen as a dance between counselor and client. If the counselor is warm and accepting, a huge shield is removed and there is more of a flow.  

In these two cases, I took difficult situations as a learning opportunity to find a way to establish a good working relationship – or a good dance. Is my way the only way? No. Am I so closed-minded that healing is only by my efforts alone? Well, that is foolish because I can’t heal anybody but myself. I don’t know what is exactly going on in a person’s brain, but I am excited when they tell me what they are thinking. This clues me into how they operate, and then it is a step to the left, to the right, and swing your partner with a do-si-do.