Welcome to a new year, with new hope of something better, perhaps an adventure, or a better job, relationship, and enhanced family relations. The question is – “Do you have hope?” If the desire isn’t there, then your odds of success diminishes.

Tradition at this time is to create “new years resolutions” – you know the things you may want but know that it is impossible to achieve – so why bother?  This is because you your mindset. Henry Ford said  – “If you think you can, if you think you cannot, you’re right.”

There are several reasons we limit our success rate and one of the main hindrance is believing we don’t deserve it. “Lose 20 pounds? I can’t do it. This is just my lot to carry.” Another is fear. “Find a new relationship? They might hurt me.” These are examples of what we call – “Conflicting Intentions.” It might be your intention to lose the weight, but you may lack the faith that you can actually pull that off – so the more familiar route is normally chosen.

Do people change? People do, and it doesn’t take the heroic types who can walk through brick walls to get their desired result. There is an easier method to change, but it will take one quality inside of you to achieve your goal and it is called “stubbornness.”

Don’t tell me that you are not stubborn. In this case stubbornness can be a good thing. It is holding tightly to your desire to the best of your ability. You’ve already doing this, holding tightly to what doesn’t work, so hows about shifting gears and holding onto something that would be more beneficial? It is simply holding onto the new – even though it may feel uncomfortable – but the longer you do so the more natural it feels.

What follows are tips on achieving your desires.

1. Clear Vision

In order for you to achieve your desire, visualize you actually obtaining this dream. Have you done this before? For many, they quickly think about how things won’t work. Our mind is powerful and has been trained to focus on what is the worst thing that can happen – so we create the worst things. Here focus on what is the best thing that can happen.

Try this: Plop yourself into the most ideal future you can imagine. As if some miracle took place you got the pay raise, found true love, are on that European cruise you always dreamed about. In this visualization, use all your senses. What are you seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, who is with you, and what is going on? Thus, the beginning of obtaining your dream has begun. To take it to the next level – jot it down in story form. This we call “Creating Living Visions.” Write out the story in the present tense (as if it is happening right now). Write it out in as much detail as you can to get it etched upon your mind. If you can see it you can be it.

Along these same lines, another manifesting tool is called “Creating an Ideal Scene.” Ideal Scenes are more skeleton like in which you jot down a central topic like, “Ideal Vacation Scene”, next write out a list of affirmations all pertaining to your desire. Affirmations are “I am” statements that focus on each element of your desire. For example: “I am joyfully relaxing with my partner as we taste the best food in the Mediterranean.” Notice that the affirmation has a feeling word (joyfully). To attract what we want to have in our life, it is important to have the desire. Emotions help attract our desires to us.

2. Action Steps

We play a game of shooting a basketball at our facility to emphasize this point. A basket is set up, there are lines drawn on the floor in three foot increments away from the basket – Three feet, Six feet, Nine feet, etc., and each participant is asked to take three shots from one of the marks. Each mark has the same point value as the distance from the basket. 12 feet away means each shot is worth 12 points. With the three shots, each person is trying to tally the most points. Now, if you miss a shot, those points are deducted from your score. If you make it from 12 feet you receive 12 points. However, if you miss it 12 points are deducted. Do you know who wins? The people who stand 3 feet away from the basket because it is a sure shot that always goes in. Every other distance has risk to it. Well, lets transpose this to real life. If you are going after your dream, don’t make each step a 30 foot toss, break it down into small, incremental steps that are easy to achieve. With regular wins it is easy to stay on course and feel happy about your progress. A 3 foot toss may look like making 5 calls a day to find a new job, or reducing your calories with each meal while also increasing the amount of exercise you have on a daily basis.

Creating a good plan of action can be all you need. Jot down things that would be easy to achieve and in a week adjust the plan if it needs it. If we fail to plan, we plan to fail.

3. Inner Work

As you slowly step toward your desires, turmoil is often met underneath the surface. That is because of Yin / Yang. We are comprised of both shadow and light. The light / inspiration can start our journey, but we will need to maneuver through our shadow / roadblocks. We can try to force ourselves to be positive, or avoid eating donuts and replace them with fruit, but down deep a battle can be waging on the emotional level with your shadow.

Shadow aspects can be critical, make you feel hopeless, entice you to use a substance, or rush to others for strength and stability. Now, if that person, or that thing got you through difficulties isn’t helping, it is natural to simply give up on all attempts to improve and revert back to old limiting habits.

Psychologists believe our brain “Hard wires” repetitive patterns and thus the shadow aspects get very familiar with what is familiar and will fight any attempt to change. Here is where stubbornness comes into play. Bearing down and continuing to repeat your new behaviors eventually locks them into to the familiar and we fundamentally change!

Automatic thoughts and behaviors may take on the appearance of smoking a cigarette, vaping, or drinking to calm yourself down. It can be torturous to let go of that security blanket and use different – strategies because of our need for instant gratification. Without a new strategy, the old habit can feel like the only option that can work. But with that comes the feelings of shame moments later.

I have been in recovery for 40 years. When I first tried to recover, the cravings to use were so great that I couldn’t sit with those feelings. I simply got to my feet and started walking to occupy to shift my focus and it really helped. I knew that if I sat with my craving I’d relapse, so it wasn’t uncommon to find me walking through my neighborhood at 2:00 in the morning. The benefit of this was getting incredible sleep when I returned and my body getting into better shape.

There are dozens of emotional tools that help you get a personal attitude ectomy – as my friend calls it. Basically turning your frown upside down. The affirmations – mentioned above are a great tool to use when all your thoughts are negative. Shoot, I used to list out all the positive things in my life when my negativity was getting the best of me. This is important to know as you work on you. Hold tight to your positive thinking. Know that you may be a few more steps away from getting through the darkness.

4. How are you with You?

One client complained when I told them I didn’t have a magic wand that would instantly fix all their problems. True story. We come from a quick fix society and when things take time it is natural to be impatient. What is important to understand is that psychologically speaking, it is a process of unlearning, a process of trying on new habits that are unfamiliar, and your attitude in the midst of your effort is everything!

To change your attitude you need to create a good relationship with yourself. Put down the cell phone, close the internet and simply be with yourself. How often do you let yourself simply be? In the silence, is simply becomes you with you. Sit for a moment, notice the rhythm of your breathing. Relax your face, shoulders, hands and feet. Observe what is going on in and around you. Tune into life away from all the stimulation. Suddenly you are thrust into a relationship with you. How are you with you? Since Psychology is the art of relationships, the real issue is how you are with you. In fact how you are with yourself is mirrored in the relationships you have with others. If you want your relationships to change for the better, then change your attitude to one that is more positive.

5. Seeing Change as a Process

In order for change to be permanent, you will need to create a new pattern in your life. Change isn’t created by praying for something to come – though that does help, it is all about establishing more productive habits.

I got a blood test recently that showed me all the food I am allergic to. All my absolute favorites were on the list – dairy, eggs, gluten, oats, tomatoes, avocados. On that day there was no joy in Muddville. Rather than continue to have thick phlegm showing up at each meal, I changed my diet and have felt 100% better. After two months I am used to this new diet and every once in a while will crave the old food, but generally am enjoying my more healthy diet. The only thing I miss is Pizza, which I used to devour all of the time. Now it is Gluten free crust, Pesto, and all the toppings except for cheese. Light fake cheese seems to do the trick, but in doing this, my desire to eat Pizza has been fading.

This is an example of change. Knowing what doesn’t work, then making the effort to make what does work more permanent.

6. Visualization

I went to a seminar where they asked us to visualize ourselves in perfect shape, happy, healthy, then we were to continue to visualize this for an entire week. In doing so, I actually felt attractive for the first time in my life.

The most incredible organ in the human body is our brain. In learning how to direct our brain to work with you is the key to change. Give this a shot. You never know what you can create for yourself.