While driving to work this week my car developed a problem, now it is in the shop and getting worked on. Such is life. It seems like I have had my share of fix-its recently, including changing the internet provider for a faster network and getting a new computer because the old one was bogging down. Though, I am not the only one. Many clients have also been experiencing problems with computers. I think it’s that time of year.  

We have a slogan with Spiritual Psychology – “The real issue is how you relate to yourself, while you go through the issue”. I cannot deny that I was cranky with my computer system bogging down and what normally took me 5 minutes was literally taking me hours. Freeze up, shut down, new system upgrades, shut down, bog, bog, shut down, scream! Yeah, obviously my school was now in session.

School is now in session was a phrase often used in graduate school. We looked at problems as a blessing for growth and understanding and used a five-step process to work through our frustration and grow from the experience. What I learned this week, was to recognize something wasn’t getting fixed, so instead of cursing it, I needed to change it. Now the new computer is up and running and you get to read the first article written on it. What is great is that the “A” key isn’t sticking, which means one thing – my articles will be a lot longer and quicker to write. I hope this is a great thing for you.

Issues as a blessing for growth, how can that be? “The things that fail in life are just bad and wrong.” Well, that’s how I used to feel. What if the upset you feel is the springboard to incredible growth and peace? To think about life this way was difficult, but when I began to process through the problems as they appeared, I learned to be more patient with myself, more at ease, and I was with other people this same way.

So, now I sit and wait for my car to get fixed. It is amazing what the dealership will find. I didn’t realize the car needed an entire redo, but the engine was still good – they said. “Just the real red flags at first,” I told them. I wanted to see how the vehicle reacted after the obvious problems were dealt with. I for one do not want to be driving on the freeway again and my car stuck in a lower gear and could only drive at 50 MPH while others cursed me. Hey, shit happens.

I used to be angry at those people who had obvious problems with their cars and got in my way. I needed to drive at 70 MPH and driving at 50, in the fast lane? That was a crime. Well, since I now am that guy, I can see that the person I was complaining about looked a lot like me.

Learning about Projections had a huge impact on me in Graduate school. Sigmund Freud came up with this Defense Mechanism which meant that people, like a film projector, would project their negativity on other people, like they were movie screens, to download all of their negativity and feel more powerful. “That person is rude!” Well, how would you know they were rude unless on some level you have been rude to yourself or others? In “Owning Projections” we realize that we are that way too, and all that is needed is to change ourselves for the better, which is basically setting the intention to not be rude or to state it in the positive to be more accepting of others.

This “Owning of Projections” has been so helpful through the years. It has saved my job, my relationships, and even my friendships. Yes, they may be doing stupid things, but I have realized that I also have done them too.

So, fix-it time becomes more than just fixing cars and computers, it also refers to fixing ourselves. When I first entered my own personal treatment, I thought counseling was a process of blaming others for my upset, trying to find strategies to get them to say “I’m sorry…” so I could feel better. It was their fault I had anger and anxiety. Of course, I took no personal responsibility at all. Boy did I quickly learn there were no strategies to fix others, and that my job was to fix myself. But I wasn’t broken! So I thought.

When I entered graduate school, they asked me why I wanted to be a counselor. Of course, I wanted to heal the world! Yeah, back in the day I used interesting strategies to make myself more relaxed. Obviously, this wasn’t a match for their curriculum, and they told me they didn’t teach this, but if I wanted to be more relaxed and at peace I came to the right place. Man did all the steam ooze out of me. Now I had to deal with myself, a person I didn’t even know or care about. They were more important. I was trained to win the hand of the fair maiden, but after that, I hadn’t a clue because it was about the conquering and not the keeping. I cringe as I write this, but honestly, that was where I was at at the time.

So, what is off with your vehicle and computer? I am referring to you. What would you like to fix in yourself physically and mentally? If you are waiting for others to fix you, you will wait a long time for a whole lot of nothing. Have people really fixed you? Maybe temporarily they might help you feel better, but once on your own, there you are. Who are you? What is your general mood? They aren’t with you 24/7/365, but you are. Catch my drift?

What an interesting life. We may get into familiar patterns, routines, do the same thing, see the same people, and talk about the same subjects. The weather, the Mariners, the Seahawks, and now The Kraken. When the computer or vehicle breaks, now there is a different situation, and we have to stop and figure things out – this is where life gets interesting.

Our real character comes out when we are faced with a problem. Can we keep our head and come up with a solution? Do we look for others to rescue us? Can we remain calm? The key is slowing down, breaking the situation down into incremental baby steps, and moving forward.

A week ago I looked at a poster hanging on my kitchen wall for years. It says, “When all else fails go to Plan B. Life is all about Plan B.” I chuckled at the time until yesterday when all my life was about was Plan B.

So, I drove my ailing car to the dealership for repairs. If I went slow it could handle the 5-mile drive down Hwy 99. Of course, it operated perfectly, but still, I didn’t want a repeat of the problem on the freeway so I pulled up, and gave them the car. Now what? I discovered there were no rental cars available in the area. The vehicles I found cost over $200 a day! Plan B – Uber! Shoot – $30 I could handle and since I normally do a lot of walking, it’s not that much of a problem. I have to admit that it is nice to drive around with all my stuff. But at least I am still getting around.

One last item – Reframing. We may think that things are hopeless, but when we change around that type of thinking and feel that there is some type of hope, it raises our mood. It is hopeless if you believe it is. There is hope if you believe that too. Everything depends on how you wish to view life – or in this case, frame it.

May you find solutions to your problems – that are easily afforded.