Befriending the Problem

Whether you suffer from depression, anxiety, mood swings, anger, or substance use, the most important element is befriending it. This may sound rather bizarre since this society basically tries to avoid issues in hopes of them going away. I ask you has it? Our repeating problems are repeating for a reason. In learning from and befriending an ailment we can release it.  

What does befriending the problem mean? It means to stop fighting it and working with it. Nobody told us the benefits of doing this because few know the formula of healing. When we fight something it persists. How many issues do you have that are ongoing? Instead of the fight within, try to embrace it. The feelings and cravings are a part of you, why not interact with them in order to come up with the proper solution?

If you were to befriend, for example, depression, how would you do so? The first thing is to listen to it by giving it a voice. Here, you imagine you are depressed and would talk about your point of view.

Well, here’s an example:

“I am sadness. I am dark, I have no energy, I have no hope. Life is pointless. I try and try and nothing ever works. Anytime I try things just screw up. I am just a loser.”

Note: Here are the thoughts lurking underneath the surface. We may try to distract ourselves from our bottom-line truth or give it an outlet and work with it.

What do people normally do with their feelings? They try to eat the perfect diet, exercise or pray. Our emotions need to be addressed emotionally. Diet and exercise are physical, and the physical will support the body but not touch the emotions that are begging to be interacted with.  

Befriending an ailment has many positives. First of all, you get to discover what is really bothering you. If you are anxious, then why? Let anxiety tell you what it fears. Once you discover the fear, come up with strategies to feel safer.

I had an upcoming court case with a person that tried to burn down the facility I worked at years ago (long story), anyway, I always feared going to court. I talked to my fear and found out that I hated to be judged or thrown in jail, so beforehand I created an affirmation to recite in my head and repeated over and over to convince myself I was, “Safe, Calm, and Strong, Enjoying the day.” These statements may feel like a lie at first, but the more you say them, they support you in becoming what you think about.

Now, if you avoid your problems, they only persist under the surface. Under stress, they will pop to the surface, thus, the importance of actively working on yourself. If angry give it a voice or let it write out on paper how it feels.

 

 

“I am angry! I am angry because everyone is stupid! Why don’t they listen to me? I know the answer. How can they vote for that person? They are a moron!”

Once the anger is out of you, talk about it.

Me: Anger, why are you so angry?

Anger: I am frustrated.

Me: Frustrated with what?

Anger: Frustrated that for as long as I can remember I feel taken advantage of by everyone. I always have to do this and that, then I see lazy people sitting around and leaving their dishes in the sink and not taking out the trash!

Me: Makes sense. What can I do to help you?

Note: Here is where the healing work begins. Instead of trying to shut the anger down, why not help it process through?

Anger: I don’t want you to do anything. They are lazy!

Me: I get it, but do you get lazy too?

Note: In this one question, it could show us that we too are to blame. In finding a simple solution, we could move away from our reactive self and into the healing self.

I recall one day driving on the freeway at about 65 in the fast lane and some car came barreling up from behind me. Flashing their high beams as if to say, get out of my damn lane. There were no other cars around, but the driver was hell-bent on being angry I guess.

There are other ways. Instead of being stuck in our upset, ask anger, for example, if it wants to feel better or keep blowing. Sometimes we need to vent and that is okay. It is just a question of how we vent. If our venting harms ourselves or another person, find another way to do so. Walking and talking out loud works well for me. Writing things out and ripping it up does the trick for me too. But that is me. How about you? Creative expression like singing or dancing can help us depict our frustration and help it process through. Exerting ourselves while talking works best at getting things up and out. Then replace it with calm.

We do a lot of work with the inner child and reparenting in our program. Applying love to our hurt part is the cornerstone of what we do. With reparenting comes the tool of opposite handwriting in which we, on paper, talk to the part of us that is upset. This befriending has helped me personally grow in many ways. One of my clients began using the opposite hand to do what is called free-form writing. In free-form writing, you allow your thoughts to stream out of you, onto the paper, and when you are done it is important to rip it up. They were using their opposite hand to let their inner teenager have expression. I thought that was brilliant!

Give this a try. If you need more assistance, give us a call.

Compassionate Care is Always Available

There are many more tools and strategies you can use in your pursuit of happiness. Here is where we come in. Contact us at Basic Steps Mental Health and let us support and educate you on this journey back to your loving heart center. Imagine living a heart-centered life, regardless of what is happening externally. We’d love to be of help.

For 25 years, Dr. Scott Alpert, the clinical director of Basic Steps Mental Health, has treated over 7,000 people with mental health and addiction problems, using a Psychological approach that mixes and matches ten of the top approaches used in the industry. We are here virtually and in-person to help you get through this COVID-19 pandemic and many other difficulties you may be experiencing.

May you have good mental health.