Independence Day

Independence day. They are just two words but emotionally can mean a lot. If you are not independent you are dependent. So what are you dependent on?

The definition of Dependence is:

1. The state of being determined, influenced or controlled by something else.
2. The state of being dependent on another for financial support.
3. The condition of being dependent on a substance such as a drug or on a given behavior.

The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, 5th Edition.

Having independence on the above is something to really celebrate.

So again, what are you dependent on? I searched my mind and realized that I was dependent on my car, my keys, my iPhone, having enough money to pay my bills, a few family members, my partner, and some friends. If any of these were gone, I would panic. And I have!

In the past, the government seized my accounts and took all my money. I was left with nothing till my next paycheck in a month. It felt like gravity was doubled. I’ve had relationships end. Lost jobs. Been homeless. I even had my family and friends turn their back on me when I was dependent on substances. Independence takes on a whole different meaning to me.

When you are stripped away from the basics in life, like no home, no transportation, no social support, then what? Many do nothing and things get worse. My worse was waking up on a doorstep, somebody giving me a talking to, sitting down in a gutter, and reassessing my life. Yeah, not one of my better moments. Fast forward to now and I run my own clinic. Who knew?

So what if you feel so dependent on a person, a substance, or simply being right, then what can you do? My first step was to reach out to someone for help. That someone I reached out to was an old friend who was sober, but the kind of friend who liked to lecture and make you feel bad. I knew what I was going to face with him, but reached out because I couldn’t do this on my own. Yes, when I was down, the lectures sucked but I held my ground and told my friend his attitude didn’t work for me as I worked on myself, but his support would. It seemed to work because he let me stay on his couch, got me a job where he worked and I did everything I could to stay away from bad influences, the substances, and began taking care of myself.

 

 

It was an interesting period of total honesty with myself. I said a lot of I’m sorries to people I had hurt, but didn’t do the 12 Steps out of pride.

It’s interesting looking back on this some 40 years later. I think it was 1982 when all this went down. The first thing I did was go back to school to see if my brain still worked. I had a few credits to complete for my AA and took two classes to complete it. I was surprised when I got good grades and finished the coursework. It turned out I wasn’t a total loser.

Years later, I sat down with the psychiatrist I worked with daily at the crisis center and talked about concerns that I had permanent brain damage. You have to understand there wasn’t a substance I didn’t like at the time I used. He told me there were new reports out about the healing ability of the brain and obviously, as a doctor, my brain was just fine but weird, he used to kid me. So, there is some hope for you if you stop using substances and start taking care of yourself.

It’s interesting thinking about how long I used. Often I had the “fuck its” where I used out of hopelessness. I really thought I injured my brain and I was done for life, but as I continued in school, got active in athletics again, walked 10,000 steps a day, my mind really cleared up. Yes, there is some hope, as I can attest to.

Independence day. It’s interesting even thinking about this country. I have been into the revolutionary period and have studied it thoroughly. This is the country I believe in where everybody pulled together as one and there was mutual involvement and respect. I often yearn for that currently and fail to see it. Perhaps this is why I began writing fantasy novels about going back in time and creating a utopian society where town hall meetings prevailed and warring people could openly state their case, find mutual understanding, and then friendship. I pray that this independence year for this country moves along those lines.

Now back to you. How can you become independent from your problems? I can only suggest that you befriend them. I don’t know how many times I talked to my cravings, my anger, and my anxiety, in order to gain more control over them. I had a long history of anxiety which spurred me to use in the first place. In befriending the difficulties and triumphing, you demonstrate to yourself that these issues are something you need to cope with but actually you can heal. Tell off your anger. Give anxiety a piece of your mind.

Something I learned in graduate school was the incremental steps. There may be something really big you have to address but the overall picture seems too overwhelming. In breaking the problem down into small incremental steps then it is easier to step through a problem little by little than getting overwhelmed by the overall picture. This is how I obtained my doctorate. I was simply doing one thing at a time and suddenly they were handing a diploma to me. Pretty cool.

If you need help stepping yourself through your dependence. Come check us out. At least sit down with us and see how you feel around us. Or, if you are stubborn like I was, and still am to some extent, then step your way on through. I do recommend letting someone in to support you. Doing this on your lonesome can be very difficult and including others sometimes even makes them feel good too.

Have a great independence year.

Compassionate Care is Always Available

There are many more tools and strategies you can use in your pursuit of happiness. Here is where we come in. Contact us at Basic Steps Mental Health and let us support and educate you on this journey back to your loving heart center. Imagine living a heart-centered life, regardless of what is happening externally. We’d love to be of help.

For 25 years, Dr. Scott Alpert, the clinical director of Basic Steps Mental Health, has treated over 7,000 people with mental health and addiction problems, using a Psychological approach that mixes and matches ten of the top approaches used in the industry. We are here virtually and in-person to help you get through this COVID-19 pandemic and many other difficulties you may be experiencing.

May you have good mental health.