Rebuilding Self Worth

In 28 years, I’ve seen my fair share of broken people. Many of which I treated in an 11-year span at a Mental Health Urgent Care where I saw over 7,000 people! Across the country, 20% of the people have a mental illness that warrants serious treatment. How many of these get treatment? Only a handful. One thing I learned is that we are all the same. To some extent we all suffer from something, it just depends on the degree. This is why I enjoy writing out these articles so at least people can learn some of the tools to get them through the rough patches in life.

This topic is on rebuilding or building for the first time your self-worth. If you feel less than, or not important, a mistake, or unlovable, then pay close attention to this. The first step is you befriending yourself.

1. Befriending Yourself

“Wait a minute! That is just wrong, selfish, and Narcissistic,” I often hear when I lecture on this subject. The non-love of yourself has brought you to this point, so maybe your belief of non-love is flat out wrong. If you’ve done the “societal hate yourself and love others so they will love you back” thing, well, how is that working for you? When I started to treat myself with kindness, it was uncomfortable and felt wrong to me, but I pushed this back, kept up with my self-nurturing, and now have an incredible relationship within. In doing so, I have incredible relationships with others. Simply put, “If you can’t love you, how can you love them?”

2. Being Stubborn

In this case, being stubborn is a good thing because it entails you making yourself the “first priority.” In making people more important, you make yourself second best. When you say no to others, you are saying yes to you! What a concept! Why do we make others more important? Our relationships with other people mirror how we are with ourselves. If we are angry with ourselves, then how can we treat others with kindness? Hold onto your positive feelings. If others try to put you down, that shows you how they are with themselves. As it is written in “The Four Agreements,” “Don’t take things personally.”

3. Heart-Centered Living

When I let go of my pattern of trying to impress, changing myself to please others, and always looking for approval I grew. When I actually started to impress myself, I felt like a rebel. But, when you are being a stubborn rebel for positive purposes it can be fun. A note of caution: Being outright nasty to others is not recommended. Let their negativity roll off your back and hold onto your goodness. It is amazing how others, who are so used to bonding in drama with you, will first intensify their assault, and then let it go and be more pleasant. When you are centered in your loving heart and act from that place, magic begins to take place.

This type of living might be a big order for you. So often people blame themselves for things they did as a child and hate to even address those deeper issues. For you to heal, you will need to make peace with your innermost self and vow to move forward in a better way.

4. Always Doing the Best

If you are unwilling to be kind to yourself, ask yourself why? Did you do the unmentionable? If so, what was it? Do you realize that at the time you did what you did, you didn’t know any better? Given our life experience, what our mood was, how we were physically feeling, we were doing the very best we could. Honestly, at that time you couldn’t do better. This can be a difficult pill to swallow, but we learn through trial and error. In doing what you did, what did you learn? If you didn’t learn a thing, you will probably repeat that same thing again and again until you try something different. That’s when the miracle takes place. In trying on new behaviors, you emotionally grow.

5. Ask Yourself Permission

Ask yourself permission on creating a good relationship with self. This works well when I am doing relaxation exercises. I simply ask the part of me that is not willing to let go to do so because it ultimately will help it. And yes, we have many aspects to our personality. When our inner aspects agree to work together for the ultimate good, emotional wellbeing is achieved.   

6. Self Praise

Each time you grow, praise yourself. Stand up, fill your lungs with air, and acknowledge yourself. This self-appreciation is an important element of gaining self-worth. Follow this format:

“I appreciate myself for ____________”

For example, I appreciate myself for writing this article.” This may sound redundant, but when you put effort into something, why not acknowledge it?

7. Keeping Commitments

Keeping your word, to yourself and others is really important. In doing so, you build trust. Trust yourself and trust others. If you make a promise to yourself and don’t follow through, a part of you gets disappointed. I’ve learned to keep my word no matter what. This happened with the first Covid vaccination. I didn’t want to take that baby but wanted to visit my elderly parents. Not wanting to expose them to danger, I promised them I would do so, and then the day came. My internal battle was epic! War ensued, but since I made the commitment, I followed through. This has helped me get an advanced degree, run a business, and keep relationships, some for 60 years!

This is a good start. The obvious other elements are in regards to housekeeping. A few items are:

1. Releasing bad relationships – why interact with people you wouldn’t want to spend an entire day with?
2. Taking ultimate care of your body – lose weight, eat healthier, drink plenty of water, exercise.
3. Time with self – Make the effort to enjoy yourself.
4. Give yourself positive messages.

Send a note, add onto this list, but ultimately take action steps daily.

Compassionate Care is Always Available

There are many more tools and strategies you can use in your pursuit of happiness. Here is where we come in. Contact us at Basic Steps Mental Health and let us support and educate you on this journey back to your loving heart center. Imagine living a heart-centered life, regardless of what is happening externally. We’d love to be of help.

For 25 years, Dr. Scott Alpert, the clinical director of Basic Steps Mental Health, has treated over 7,000 people with mental health and addiction problems, using a Psychological approach that mixes and matches ten of the top approaches used in the industry.  We are here virtually and in-person to help you get through this COVID-19 pandemic and many other difficulties you may be experiencing.

May you have good mental health.