Healing Through Compassion

Twenty-seven years in the industry and I am still learning that heart-centered listening is the best way to treat people. After thousands upon thousands of sessions, I often hear the same things, but I feel it is ultimately important to simply listen with a full heart.

I teach my interns how important it is to not fix people. If we were to do this, they would be dependent on us. When you help people find the solutions to their own problems they will be dependent on themselves – or independent. To do so, the strategy is simply to listen, highlight what you hear them say, and try to put yourself into their shoes. If I had their life experiences, I probably would be thinking and acting exactly like them. No judgment at all. We are all on our own path and who am I to judge their path or who are they to judge my path? We are all the same and I would rather love someone than judge them.

If you judge people, you don’t have time to love them.

Mother Theresa

In graduate school, they taught us to have an inner counselor inside our head for ourselves. If a person says something that is upsetting, you dive into a counseling session inside, process it through, find your center and recenter yourself in your loving heart. Does this mean I don’t listen to the client at this time? No, I hear them, but I listen in a more neutral way, not as involved as I usually am, but still listening with one ear.

Time to time I get triggered. It is important for counselors to know that when they are starting out in this field they will have feelings coming to the surface. At times I cry, and they are usually tears of compassion and this is okay. Forget the therapist front at this time. I let the client know that what they said really moved me. How super is this? I come from the school of transparency, mostly from the influence of Dr. Carl Rogers and his Person-Centered Therapy approach. He was an advocate of being really who you are and simply loving the other person. When I am able to fully be myself, it gives the client permission to be fully who they are. To me, this is what makes life so rich.

Often, issues from the past get triggered by a therapist. If this happens to you it is a great thing because it is also happening with the client. You can talk about your experience to give them a clue on how they can talk about theirs. Is Psychology a science? It can be, but to me, it is more about having deep conversations about things that are normally kept silent. In these types of communication, healing takes place.

Therapists that are starting in the field are mandated to have ongoing therapy for a reason – to address the surfacing issues. If you have an unresolved issue and the client starts talking about the same issue, you will get triggered. Here is where the inner counselor is so important.

Here’s a brief example of an internal conversation I may have:

Therapist: They are talking about their partner and they are having the same problems I am having with mine.

Inner Counselor: What is your intention right now?

Therapist: To heal at the deepest level right now.

Inner Counselor: Great! How’s about if you ride this feeling back to its core and where do you find yourself?

To heal an issue, one of the methods is applying love to the part of us that originally went through the issue. Once you feel yourself again, take in a deep breath, exhale, and recenter yourself in your loving heart. Many times my inner counselor keeps telling me to be quiet and let the person talk. It is their session and it is important for them to get the most out of it. Even if I am dying to say the obvious I won’t. They will eventually come to the same conclusion.

There is a mantra I use that helps me get through sessions where ex-soldiers are talking about battle. They lived this and on some level, I can place myself right next to them on the battlefield and start to get overwhelmed. I will then repeat the phrase: “God Bless you I love you”, in an attempt to keep my heart open and to focus only on the words. I know how important it is for them to purge this out so I can remain connected to the mantra as long as they need it.

Yes, it may seem very difficult for a therapist to keep themselves centered in their loving heart at times, but it gets easier the more you do it. After a while, work begins to feel like a lovefest but with limits. There are no physical displays to this – which is very important. If somebody opens up it is important to honor this process and avoid using it for selfish means which many have done unfortunately in this industry. My intentions are pure because I love what I am presenting. Therapy has had such an impact on me and I love being able to share this gift of love-centered therapy with countless others.

Compassionate Care is Always Available

There are many more tools and strategies you can use in your pursuit of happiness. Here is where we come in. Contact us at Basic Steps Mental Health and let us support and educate you on this journey back to your loving heart center. Imagine living a heart-centered life, regardless of what is happening externally. We’d love to be of help.

For 25 years, Dr. Scott Alpert, the clinical director of Basic Steps Mental Health, has treated over 7,000 people with mental health and addiction problems, using a Psychological approach that mixes and matches ten of the top approaches used in the industry.  We are here virtually and in person to help you get through this COVID-19 pandemic and many other difficulties you may be experiencing.

May you have good mental health.