Sadness

If you suffer from depression, it can be debilitating. No energy, no motivation, feeling helpless, hopeless, and worthless. Even when I was working with megastars in Malibu who was well known around the world, even they would feel this way. One day I was shocked when one told me, “I want what you have – your peace”.

How do we get the peace we desire? How does energy come back? How does happiness show up, motivation, and a desire to take life back on? It starts with you – if you are willing to take the challenge.

It takes energy to be happy, that’s why it takes muscle to smile. You may think happiness will somehow just show up, or other people will make you feel this way, and maybe they will for a brief moment, and then there you are with you again, with your miserable self. You are not the only one. Over 20% of the population – that is 1 in 5 people suffer from such debilitating depression that it warrants serious treatment.

I can recall my stepmother rushing to the doctor, getting medication after medication, while she laid in bed, waiting for the energy to show up. They put her on so much medication trying to find the solution that they ended up putting her through shock treatment. This had us caring for her day and night as her mind began to splinter and falter. Medication is only one part of severe depression, there is also what you are doing physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Oh yes, there are spiritual reasons why you are suffering and until you address them, the depression will remain.

Because psychotherapy has had such a bad stigma in our society, people avoid the care they need. Only focusing on medication and others to care for her, my stepmother ended up living her last days in a nursing home, never breaking away from the bed she was a prisoner to for over 30 years. One reason I began studying psychology, was because of my desire to help her out, but soon realized that I cannot fix another person, but I could sure fix myself and then teach others how I did so, then walk along their path with them. Yes, I too have suffered from depression.

What is the best treatment for depression? It is getting out of the room, out of the house, and involved in life.

Try this:

When you wake up, get yourself on your two feet. Yes, it would be easier staying in bed and hoping for the energy to come, but to be honest, the energy comes after you put it out. So, “up on your feet, get into the shower, and then get outside and be part of the world”.

This must sound simple but trust me, it was a major chore to get my stepmom up and out. Once out she interacted with people, she would enjoy herself, and the real her began to surface. But, this all came from prompting from others. This is your life and until you get the motivation to fix yourself, and push yourself forward, then changes start to take place. Though, this doesn’t refer to doing this every so often. This needs to take place every single day!

Try this:

List out the wonderful things in life and then do them. This gives you direction in your life. Without a goal, you will remain where you are at. Think about getting into a car without a destination. It seems pointless to start the engine. While you are in bed or stuck on the couch your engine is off.

We can talk about life and the meaning you put into it. If the meaning is for others to help you then you aren’t living a life at all, they are living it for you. The time you stop dreaming and taking action steps is the time you have died. I ask you right now – “Do you want to live?” Also, “What is there to live for?” “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.”

Here is depression treatment in a nutshell – without your actions, there will be no recovery. I start off treatment helping people create an “affirmation” or positive statement they repeat 100 times a day. Think about how many negative thoughts you have in your head a day. Probably much more than 100. In reciting this statement, you are training yourself to think more positively, have more hope, and demonstrate to yourself that you care. Those that use the statement 100 times or more a day report having a better mood. For those that don’t use it, they remain stuck where they are at. Breaking away from this comfort zone is what treatment is all about.

As you can see, it takes effort to change and nobody else but you will change you. Not the medicine since that only helps to stabilize you. Since there is no happy pill, I guess you will have to make the effort to better yourself.

We say that the real issue is how you are with yourself. Can you be a friend to you? Actually, it is deeper than that – Can you love you? This seems to be wrong. Why not care about you? This is your primary relationship anyway. If you are harsh on yourself, well honestly you cannot divorce yourself from yourself, you can’t even have a separation. Basically, you are stuck with the person staring back at you in the mirror. Or, do you look into the mirror at all? If so, what do you see? Can you have compassion for that person? Can you open your heart and begin taking the needed actions to help that person get better? For me, I learned to treat myself like I would another person because I always made others more important than me. People come and go in our lives. We are always going to be with us. Why not embrace this and put your best foot forward?

So many tell me that they hate who they are, what they’ve done, and don’t feel they deserve happiness. When you let your past run you then like a ball and chain, you drag your negativity from the past with you day upon day. Do you realize that you don’t have to do that? If you are stuck in the shame of your past, then it is time to purge it out of you. Talk about it in therapy, write it out and rip it up. Dance it out. Walk it out. And ultimately replace it with tender loving care from yourself.

I asked a long-term client to talk about her childhood and she would touch upon it and then shift back into what is bothering her now. To be honest, what is bothering us now is founded upon what happened in our past. Processing through the past is key to our current well-being. She ended up taking a creative writing class and the assignment is to write her life story, focusing on her early childhood. She told me it was the most healing thing she ever did and soon she discharged from our two years of therapy. Write it out, sing it out, dance it out, talk it out, but get it out and of course, replace it with love to the part of you that went through that experience.

Thanks for reading. This will get you started, but the ball is in your court. Without any effort, you will remain stuck and dependent on the kindness of others to get you through. Start the walk right now.

Compassionate Care is Always Available

There are many more tools and strategies you can use in your pursuit of happiness. Here is where we come in. Contact us at Basic Steps Mental Health and let us support and educate you on this journey back to your loving heart center. Imagine living a heart-centered life, regardless of what is happening externally. We’d love to be of help.

For 25 years, Dr. Scott Alpert, the clinical director of Basic Steps Mental Health, has treated over 7,000 people with mental health and addiction problems, using a Psychological approach that mixes and matches ten of the top approaches used in the industry.  We are here virtually and in-person to help you get through this COVID-19 pandemic and many other difficulties you may be experiencing.

May you have good mental health.