Bridging the Gap

This was an interesting article to write about the current national affairs. Let’s face it. We are polarized to the point of it feeling like the beginnings of a civil war but the real reasons are a bit unclear. Why are we as a nation at odds? Is it because the average person doesn’t feel heard? Is it because of righteousness – meaning I am right and they are wrong? In all actuality, this is what creates war. If we don’t bridge the gap and communicate our needs, then take the collective action steps, we may actually create war.

The psychology of this is apparent – when people don’t feel heard and feel taken advantage of and controlled, they rebel. Were basic human rights taken away? There are so many unknowns that perhaps it is a time for all sides to sit at the table and talk – I mean really talk. Though for many sitting at the table is troubling because there are people that are charismatic, take the lead, and sway others into following them – only making matters worse. How to get the message sent received in a peaceful manner was what the Encounter Groups of the 1960s were all about. Do we take a page out of that book and begin to heal through all people getting together, authentically talking, and actually being heard? That couldn’t hurt one bit.

Our government is very powerful, probably the most powerful government in the world. It can feel daunting for a person, feeling shunned from this government to cope with feeling pushed down and suppressed. For those, it is natural to act out. This probably describes the angry feelings of the protestors at the Capital and all over the country in the past year.

According to Spiritual Psychology – anger is our shield. It shields the underlying hurt feelings. Anger can be seen as equal to the underlying hurt. Until this hurting nation can address the hurt, then the bridging process will begin. How do we address the hurt? Therapy is one thing but to nationally heal, it needs to be more wide scale.

I grew up in the 1960s and heard Malcolm X threaten violence. Martin Luther King became everyone’s champion because he wanted to achieve change nonviolently. He changed the world and the old guard did change due to the persistence of that movement in which all races cooperated. The violence will only polarize and not involve any healing but more violence. Is that what everybody wants? To be right? Cause suffering? Be in charge? Then once in charge there is no rest, no peace, but only violence to stay on top. Over two hundred years ago we had some revolutionary thinkers that created this system of checks and balances and for the average person to be heard. If we swayed away from that, then our constitution allows us to make more changes – how great is that?

Mother Theresa was asked if she would take part in a march against the Vietnam war. She refused. She stated, “Now if there is a march for peace, I’ll be involved in that.” Are we willing to have peace in this country? Or do we need to be right and put others down? In being right, it makes the other person wrong. How do you think the other person would feel being one-upped?

Transactional relationships are founded on a tote board mindset, it is like having a running total of the wins and losses which ultimately causes conflict. Okay, let’s just say I’m right, then even in being right it separates people. In being together and working for the win win, this nation will thrive.

Now more than ever our nation is sick. We have more domestic violence, more substance abuse, more people unemployed, COVID is setting records daily of infections and deaths, more people are homeless, separated, and mentally ill. Shoot even our environment is sick. As a result, we either give up (depression), stay busy (mania), numb out (substance use), or simply panic!  

Dr. Carl Rogers – the innovator of the Person-Centered Therapy approach, facilitated encounter groups in the 1960s. He would bring warring factions together under one roof and give everybody the opportunity to air out differences and work on a solution together. In his book, “A Way of Being”, it spells out what it was like for him to be on stage, risking his neck and the necks of sometimes 2,000 people who wanted revenge from the other side of the aisle, but were willing to work towards peace, and then in only a few days these people were seen leaving the arena arm in arm with their once professed enemy. How did this happen? And how did it happen so quickly? Because of communication and a willingness to work together for change incredible things can take shape. We may just want to vent because these feelings have been trapped inside for too long, but taking it the next step and creating a real change for ourselves and subsequent generations, is what moves mountains!

How often do you feel heard? How often do you really listen to others? So often while somebody is speaking we are formulating our responses and don’t get the full information needed to properly communicate. The number one communication skill is listening and the listening I am referring to means the listener is making real efforts to hear. Dr. Rogers created a number of listening skills, modeled them in front of these encounter groups, and got people to honestly talk about their hopes, their fears, their anger, and the hurt they experienced while there was silence and not another person cutting them off and trying to thrust their agenda onto them. As both sides realized that the enemy’s feelings duplicated their own, it helped them to realize – everybody was the same!  Each side cared about their friends and families, had suffered – sometimes the most unthinkable crimes, but because these encounter groups were based on finding solutions, they found a common bond and let go of the war.

Thus, this is a little insight into what goes on in my practice. I want to know what people are thinking and feeling and let them feel heard. Especially people from different religious beliefs, countries, genders, and life experiences. For me, I know who I am and what my beliefs are, but these are my beliefs and good only for me. I want to know how others view themselves and the world. This helps me to expand my knowledge of this world. If I only focused on my beliefs and making them right, I would never grow or become a better person.

So where do we as a nation go from here? I believe there has been some good strides being made with the Black Lives Matter movement and their education on what people of color go through. There have been good strides with women speaking up and educating people on the problems they have faced. The real question is – are we willing to listen to others, amend our beliefs and look towards a compromise where everybody wins?

Compassionate Care is Always Available

There are many more tools and strategies you can use in your pursuit of happiness. Here is where we come in. Contact us at Basic Steps Mental Health and let us support and educate you on this journey back to your loving heart center. Imagine living a heart-centered life, regardless of what is happening externally. We’d love to be of help.

For 25 years, Dr. Scott Alpert, the clinical director of Basic Steps Mental Health, has treated over 7,000 people with mental health and addiction problems, using a Psychological approach that mixes and matches ten of the top approaches used in the industry.  We are here virtually and in-person to help you get through this COVID-19 pandemic and many other difficulties you may be experiencing.

May you have good mental health.