Out of the Shadows

When you hide away from others to avoid ridicule, whether it is from suffering from mental illness or having problems with addiction it is important to take the proper action and quickly to come out of the shadows.

The majority of the people entering our program reported experiencing a lot of shame and hid their behavior so they didn’t have to defend themselves. When something is drastically wrong it is natural to deny there is a problem.  People know down deep that there is something wrong, but if it isn’t given the light of day and shown to others they cannot deny the fact that their behaviors are taking place.

Choosing to Come Out of the Shadows

In realizing that things aren’t right, it can be a difficult process to confess to, at first ourselves, that a change has to be made. Many times, however, the decision to come out of hiding is made for us if we end up in the hospital, in jail, in the Psych Ward, or have acute health problems. Once out of the shadows, the real work can begin – that is if you choose to.

For many people, their foul mood, their dependence on a substance is too great for them to believe they can lead a different type of life. These feelings are so familiar, that stretching their comfort zone to trying new behaviors and new ways to think about themselves and the world seem to be unrealistic. The real question is: “Do you want to continue to live life this way forever or change?”

Treatment of people accustomed to living in the shadows needs to focus on shame. It is natural to compare ourselves with others and when we look in the mirror and only see a negative shell of who we once were it is essential to learn how to open our heart to our wounded self – but where is this type of treatment found?

Addressing Our Inner Emotions

The top therapy approaches involve DBT – Dialectical Behavioral Therapy which is a Cognitive or mental approach that scrutinizes your thought patterns and helps to change them from negative to more positive. CBT – Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is another mental approach but it involves doing the correct behaviors. 12 Steps of AA is a Behavioral approach that helps people do the right things. What approach addresses our inner emotions?

The fact is, is we are only as strong as our emotional make-up. If we feel unworthy and ashamed of what we have made of our lives, the focus on changing our thoughts and behaviors can seem frustrating. If we cannot follow the right formula dictated by the top programs it only validates our beliefs about ourselves in the first place. The simpler approach is learning how to care about yourself, build self-trust, and actually learn how to enjoy life on life’s terms.

Welcome to the new treatment to both addiction and issues with mood. You are not broken, a loser, or flawed, you’ve just never learned that the most important element in your life is befriending yourself. Once this is established we can do the mental and behavioral work, because it is an important element to your overall picture. A great connection with yourself is the overall first objective in coming out of the shadows.

Do you like you? Do you enjoy your own company? Can you spend quality time with yourself or do you need the common distractions of busyness, food, entertainment, or excessive exercise? We have been trained to have a drink or two, smoke a cigarette, or use recreational drugs to make us feel good, but in reality, it is only something temporary that brings with it discouragement, addiction, and shame. We were never taught to truly care about ourselves. Believe it or not, you are incredible, have worth, and have forgotten about how remarkable you are.

Learn to Love Ourselves

My friend’s granddaughter was asked who she loved and after she rattled off a list of names she was asked, “What about you?” She replied, “Oh no, you are not supposed to love yourself.” At four years old, she already learned to make other people more important than herself. If we love ourselves we are healthier, happier, and have more energy to really love others in our lives because our relationship with ourselves is mirrored in the relationships we have with others.

Why don’t you like you? Do you have any worth? These questions are posed at the beginning of our treatment program which addresses behaviors, thoughts, emotions, and your spirituality. This holistic approach to treatment becomes essential in treating both mood disorders and addiction. Often people describe an emptiness or a void inside of themselves that zaps their energy and leaves them with no motivation and sometimes no will to move on.

The numbers are staggering with both mental illness and mood disorders. One in five people across the country needs serious treatment. How many people do you know that suffers from depression, substance use, or has attempted or committed suicide? Having somebody strictly change their thinking or doing the right behaviors can hamper success. People are social beings and need love. Fulfilling this innate desire is true recovery.

I remember reading Utopian books in English class years ago and one was about a reporter who was so bent out of shape, hardened by the rules of society that he adhered to, that when he was writing a story about a new city that had opened where people operated from love, he couldn’t accept it. It was as if he caught a fever and went into fits, and the while people lovingly nurtured him until his fever passed and he ended up leaving the life he knew to learn how to live in this heart-centered environment.

Opening Up Your Heart

You can remain in your daily hell or consider opening up your heart out of the shadows to yourself and others. Is this a Utopian approach to treatment? In some ways, yes, but in another way, life still needs to be lived according to the rules of society. Where does it say for us to not care about us as a person? Just because we haven’t learned how to embrace ourselves doesn’t mean we are all lost causes. We simply didn’t learn how to take care of our emotional self and that can be taught and mastered. What if you loved you? How would your life change? This is something to ponder as you research the different programs out there to improve yourself.

Consider us at Basic Steps Mental Health. We do treatment differently from the inside out. We care about you and are dedicated to reconnecting you with the loving person at your center. Schedule a free consultation today. We provide real treatment the way you always wanted it to be.